Your Obsessed Ex Can't Stop Touching Himself Since You Left

Transcript

Hey there, just calling to see if you're coming to pick up your stuff. I texted you a few times and you never answered, so now I'm leaving a voicemail I'm sure you won't even listen to, but you know, I just like to have things confirmed, you know, when I make plans with someone, which I know that's not really your style, you're more of a free spirit and I get that, and I'm certainly not trying to pressure you or anything, I wouldn't want to do that, but I mean, you know, when you say you might do something and then you don't confirm that you're actually going to do it, I just, you know me, I like to get confirmation before I put my life on hold to wait for you to do something you might or might not do, but I guess that's just me being self-centered and impatient and manipulative and passive-aggressive and all the other horrible things I am, so I guess it's a good thing you left me and moved in with some other guy you most definitely weren't cheating on me with like a lying fucking whore. That was completely out of line and does not reflect my true feelings or beliefs about you in any way whatsoever.

When I said that I was coming from a self-centered scarcity mindset and I lost touch with my best self there for a moment, but really, really truly in the past two weeks I have come to understand that love, unconditional love, the kind of unconditional love that I feel for you, even though we've broken up, that love, that non-romantic love, unconditional, it's an abundant resource and I choose the mindset of abundance over the mindset of scarcity today. And, you know, even though things didn't work out between us, really truly I have an abundance of goodwill toward you and I believe that in the end everything, including our breakup, even if it's painful in the moment, everything tends to work out for the best as long as we maintain the right attitude. So I'm very sorry that I brought that residual negativity into this voicemail that you're probably never going to listen to anyway.

But if you do listen, well, I mentioned this in my text, but I found your grandmother's necklace that you were worried about. It was behind the nightstand, so I've got that for you. Oh, and I hope you didn't buy a new charger for your laptop because I found that too.

It was under some clothes that you left on the floor. There were actually quite a few clothes that you left behind when you suddenly decided to dump me, or I suppose I should say decided to move on. Dump me, that's a negative way to characterize your perfectly valid life choice.

So as a gesture of goodwill, I washed your clothes and folded them and I've got them here in a hamper for you. I was going to put them in a trash bag, but then I thought that might communicate the wrong message, like trash, like trashy, like what's he trying to say? And plus, I didn't want them to get wrinkled.

I thought maybe if they were a trash bag, you'd think they were still dirty or something, but they're clean. They're clean. You can just take them right home and put them in your dresser if you have one, or put them in a clean clothes pile on the floor since you like to leave your clothes lying around on the floor.

That wasn't a criticism. I'm not, there's nothing wrong. Yeah, that's just what you do and that's you.

It's cute. Actually, for the first week after you left, I actually kind of liked having your clothes on the floor. I didn't want to pick them up.

It almost made me feel like you were still here in those first few days because it was an abrupt breakup and I missed you. And I guess I felt like, I mean, we never really had closure. But then I realized that picking your clothes up and washing them and folding them and getting them ready for you, that was a form of closure for me.

So that's what I did. Although even now, sitting here on the sofa, staring at the door, wondering if you're going to come by and pick these things up. Gosh, I keep looking at your nice, neatly folded clothes and I can't help remembering what you looked like when you were wearing them.

It makes me nostalgic, I guess. A little sad. Sentimental, I guess.

And well, since you're probably not going to listen to this voicemail anyway, I'll just admit it. A little horny. Yeah, I'm hard right now.

My cock is basically standing straight up in my cargo shorts. Kind of tilted to the side like the Eiffel Tower. To be honest, I'm a little surprised how hard I am because I just jacked off like 10 minutes ago.

But actually, truth is, I've been jacking off a lot since you left. I mean, I always had a pretty healthy sex drive, you know that. Even when we were together and we were fucking every chance we could get, I would usually squeeze out a nut in the shower before work and then again in the men's room in my lunch break just to tide myself over until I got home and spread you out on the bed and pounded you senseless.

Ah, the good times. Nothing wrong with remembering the good times, is there? Like for instance, right now, I'm sitting here looking at your clean and neatly folded Daisy Dukes, those sinfully short shorts you'd walk around in with the underside of your ass cheeks exposed and bouncing around and oh god, you look like such a bratty little fucking slut.

I mean that in a good way. This is a positive, affectionate memory. You had that sweet, innocent face combined with that utterly brazen, tacky, total fucking gutter slut body and when you'd walk around with these fucking shorts, goddammit I wasn't gonna fucking masturbate again but fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.

I can't stop stroking my dick thinking about you. It's been two weeks and every day I think this is gonna cool down, this has gotta stop. I mean how is it possible I can jack off and cum my brains out and then an hour later or fucking half an hour later or 15 minutes or two minutes or two seconds later I'm hard as a rock again.

Fuck. I can't fucking stop. I lost my job because of you, you fucking bitch.

The day you left, I was late for work because I didn't want to leave my apartment because your clothes were all over the place and they smelled like you and if I closed my eyes I could almost see you and feel you and hear you. I didn't want to leave but I didn't want to get fired so finally I put a pair of your panties in my pocket and I went to work but I couldn't concentrate. I kept putting my hand in my pocket feeling your panties and I'd get hard and my fingers would rub against my cock and my pocket and I had to cum so I'd run to the men's room and jack off and then I'd go back to my cubicle but like five minutes later I had my hand in my pocket again feeling your panties and I would run to the bathroom again.

Oh fuck. I didn't get a goddamn thing done that day and I was like well fuck I can't make this mistake again. So the next morning I decided that instead of bringing your panties to work I'd bring one of your socks because like I don't have a foot fetish.

Your feet are nice and everything but you know they're not sexual to me so I thought this will be a non-sexual way for me to feel like she's with me so I have a nice little reminder from my pocket but it won't be sexual because it's a fucking sock right? But then like almost as soon as I sat down at my desk I remember that time we were watching Netflix and you were sitting crisscross on the sofa with your legs curled up like a pretzel and you were wearing these socks and you had one foot like jammed up against your pussy and you were bouncing your leg and moving the heel of your foot up and down against your clit and I could see exactly what you were doing because you're wearing these fucking slutty Daisy Dukes that rode all the way up to your fucking pussy lips and I said I said hey babe what's going on over there? And you just gave me this innocent look like huh? What? What are you talking about? And I pointed at your crotch and I was like are you getting yourself off? And you looked at me like I was a total fucking idiot and you said yeah I do this all time.

Like it was something I should have known like oh everybody knows women masturbate when they sit cross-legged and then you just went on bouncing your leg with this totally blozzy look on your face like you hadn't just completely destroyed my life because women sit that way all the fucking time. My fucking sister sits that way. Every time I see a woman sitting that way I'm gonna fucking turn into a fucking perv.

I was just thinking about it at work with your sock in my pocket rubbing the same sock against my dick that you were rubbing against your cunt. I got so fucking hard I thought my pants were gonna rip open. So I ran to the men's room but my dick was so painfully stiff I had to unzip and pull it out in the hallway before I made it to the bathroom and my supervisor, my fucking female supervisor, steps out of the ladies room and sees me running toward her with my throbbing hard dick in my hands and starts screaming and all of a sudden I'm a fucking sexually harassing exhibitionistic pervert and they fire me and I have to pack up my shit and leave.

But then even in the midst of all that humiliation all I could think about was your fucking sock in my pocket and as soon as I got out of the building I climbed into my car and whipped out my dick and stroked and stroked and stroked and came all over my fucking face right there in the parking lot and then when I opened my eyes my supervisor, my former supervisor, is on her way to her car and she's looking right at me and I'm like oh fuck she's gonna call the police and I threw my car into gear and peeled out of the parking lot and I drove home with my dick sticking out of my fly and when I got home I was hard again and I parked in front of my building and I jacked off in my car again and came in my fucking face again and oh god there was so much cum like holy fucking shit where'd all this fucking cum come from? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck have you done to me you fucking bitch? So then I spent the next two days locked up in my apartment jacking off and using your clothes for a cum rag.

I came all over your fucking socks and panties and goddamn daisy jokes. I came in both cups of your bra and shot a big thick load of jizz right between where your tits would be in your fucking university t-shirt and oh god that little red skirt. I came up the front of it and then I came up the back of it like I was fucking you up the ass and after two straight days of drenching every piece of clothing you left here with my cum I decided fuck this it's time for me to get my life back together.

So I made an appointment with a temp agency and put on a shirt and tie and went out to get another job but while I was waiting in the lobby for an interview the receptionist curled her leg in her chair and sat on her foot and I started thinking about you getting off sitting cross-legged on the couch and I jumped up and ran home and spent another two days jacking off on all your fucking clothes all over again and then finally when all your clothes were crusty and crunchy with my dried up cum that's when you fucking called me worried because you couldn't find your dead grandmother's stupid fucking necklace and I was like oh okay she's gonna come over and get her necklace good I'll just wash her clothes and fold them and give them back to her that'll be the end of this fucking insanity and I'll be able to move on with my fucking life closure that's all I fucking needed you fucking bitch it's a fucking closure but you didn't show up that day I sat here for hours waiting for you staring at your nice clean clothes and then I realized when you do come and get them you'll take them home to your nice new fucking place with your new fucking boyfriend and you'll prance around his place and I'm looking all sexy for him like you used to do for me and I thought oh you fucking bitch I'm gonna leave just a little bit of cum on every single piece of your nice clean clothes I'll smear it somewhere discreet where you won't notice it like on the back hem of your university t-shirt the part that hangs down over your ass I'll just smear a little bit of cum right in there so the next time you wear it you'll be smearing your back and your ass cheeks with my cum and then oh fuck yeah I'll rub some cum right into the oh right into the crotch seam of your slutty fucking daisy dukes the next time you squeeze your slutty thighs together and squirm on that seam like I know you do because you're such a horny fucking bitch the next time you do it you'll be mixing your naughty pussy juice with my secret little present of semen you fucking bitch I smeared my jizz into your nice clean panties I smeared it into your bra and in your socks I left a little bit of cum on every item of clothing you're gonna pick up and soon even though you fucking left me you're gonna be wearing my cum all over your slutty fucking body and you'll never even know it because I sprayed everything with Febreze so it has that nice clean freshly washed smell oh oh fuck I'm so close oh my god I'm gonna cum again oh god this is gonna be a big fucking load I can feel it.