Your Blind Date Interferes With You Under The Table

Transcript

Hey. Hey. Yeah, um, hey, sorry, this is gonna sound really weird if I'm wrong, but I think we both just got the same text.

Yeah. Yeah, I know, I was supposed to meet her here. Yeah, I just thought it would be, like, a friendly dinner.

I didn't know she was trying to set me up. Yeah, I figured she'd direct you too. For fuck's sake.

So, I mean, what do you want to do? I get this is awkward, but, I mean, reservations at the Gilded Crab are difficult to get. I can't believe she'd use that opportunity to send us on a blind date with each other.

Sorry I'm forgetting myself. Um, I'm. ..

Yeah, I know, it said in the text. I don't know how she was thinking we were gonna find each other, but we did. And you're.

.. Right? Yeah, well, um, we're both all dressed up.

I'm starving. Should we just go for it? Yeah? Okay.

Yeah, we've got, uh, tour A. Oh, great, perfect timing. Yeah.

Well, um, at least the reservations were real. Yeah, I've been here before. It's a nice place.

The food's really good. You know? Oh, you're in for a treat.

Well, so what do you do when you're not being set up on blind dates? Mm-hmm. Oh, the building's not far from here, is it? Yeah.

Oh, shit, how did you get into that? Oh, come on, it is interesting. Yeah? Oh, me? Oh, it's just, a dull office thing.

Yeah. Um, I. ..

Analyze quantities, or quantify analyses, or something like that. I'm never really sure, to be honest. Yeah, I went in for an interview a few years ago, and I kind of just sit behind a computer now.

Yeah, I'm partially joking. So enough about, um, work. What do you do for fun? Yeah, like, in your free time.

I mean, I can think of a more interesting question, I guess. But like, I'm just trying to break the ice a little. Oh, boring, right.

Oh, that's nice. I mean, it's rich coming from you. You're gonna be shitty with me.

I'm gonna be shitty back. Yeah. I mean, as long as it makes it more interesting for you.

Fuck off, I am not boring. You have no idea. It's just a weird accusation coming from someone who looks so, you know, buttoned down and respectable.

Yeah, I don't know if you even remember the last time you had fun, do you? Yeah, you're too busy broadcasting how bored you are. What? Oh, okay.

Well, let's see. Have you ever gotten someone off in a public place? I mean, the face you're pulling tells me the whole fucking story.

Yeah, I have. You don't believe me? I mean, it's not that extreme.

You what? Are you daring me? Are you daring me? Fucking hell.

No, no, no. Just feel like you're gonna get in over your head before. You know what you're getting yourself into.

No, I'm not backing down. So, there's tablecloths around these. Why don't you drop your underwear and then I can reach under this table up that very sensible skirt you're wearing and make you come in the middle of a packed restaurant.

One more thing, a rule. If you chicken out and want me to stop, all you have to do is tell me that you're boring. Deal.

Shake on it. Okay, I'm just gonna scootch in. I'm leaning close right here like we're having a really, really intimate discussion, okay? And I'm just gonna reach under here, grazing that thigh.

Well, yeah, there has to be teasing. I want to get you to the point where you're begging aloud in front of the whole room of shocked onlookers for me to make you come. Does that sound like fun to you? You can pout all you want.

You know what to say when you're done. Can you feel me inching closer and closer? Like, we've barely known each other for more than 10 minutes and you're already letting me do this.

No, it's just really slutty. I mean, that is a complete compliment. Complete compliment.

I've got to thank our mutual friend for picking some of such loose morals for me. Oh, yeah, I know how I am. Just gonna get a tiny bit closer.

Just lazy little circles on your inner thigh. It's nice, isn't it? You don't have to say anything.

You don't even have to give me a look. Because I can feel your legs just moving slightly further apart. Until I reach a little further and.

.. Is that all it takes? Basically me just rubbing your leg for a few seconds.

Why are you so wet? Or am I doing exactly what you wanted? Have you lured me into some kind of trap? I don't know.

The deer caught in the headlights expression kind of. .. Throws that fairy off.

There we go. There we go. There we go.

There we go. Try and keep your composure while I toy with that cute little claw of yours. That's it.

That's it. Just relax. Just relax and let me make you feel good.

See, this should be fun for you as well as a victory for me. Plus, cleaning my fingers off will be a perfect starter for you, won't it? Oh no, is that bit too obvious? Relax.

People will think we're just like overindulging in PDA. Someone's probably already looking at how intensely you're staring at me. So that's fine.

It's fine. Just relax. I've got you.

Is that nice? Yeah? You know, I bet you thought I was all talk.

That's it. That's it. Careful.

You start grinding against my hand, people are going to notice. You don't want to get in trouble, do you? You don't want to get caught and have everyone know what an outrageous little whore you're being.

Oh, it's starting to seem like you might not have a choice. Yeah, I know. I can tell.

I can tell by the look on your face you're getting close for me. You are going to fucking come for me in the middle of a crowded restaurant. A minute ago, you were calling me boring, but I might be giving you the most interesting moment of your life so far.

And let me tell you, you are so welcome for that. Oh, come on, come on. You're so fucking close.

You're so fucking close for me. Just let go. Just fucking let go.

Just fucking let go. Yeah, you can do it. You can do it.

But not a peep, okay? Maybe a little noise. You can write it off as having some really good crap or something.

That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. Oh, fuck.

There's my girl. There's my girl. There's my fucking girl.

You're going to fucking come for me. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are.

Keep fucking looking in my eyes. Don't break eye contact. I want to see every little fucking emotion flicker across your face.

I want to see the fucking shame and the comfort. I want to see the pleasure. I want to see fucking guilt.

All of that right here, right now for me. Come on. Fucking come.

Fucking come. Come. There we go.

There we go. There we go. There we go.

There we go. There we go. There we go.

Shh. Hey, hey, hey. It's okay.

It's okay. Oh, fuck. Yes.

Fuck. Yes. Fucking come for me.

Fucking come for me right now. Right now. Fuck.

Oh, no, I'm not going to stop. I'm not going to stop. You're not going to admit you're boring, are you? I'm going to order wine while I'm over stimming you.

Oh, maybe I'll give you a break. Oh, there we go. I guess neither of us is boring, huh? Hey, try and at least look like you're still lucid, okay? I'm not going to make you taste bees in front of everybody, but it's fucking delicious.

I'm really impressed with Eva. That was brave. Yeah, it was.

I was braver than I thought you'd be anyway. Well, I'm glad you are. Yeah, I think we could have a lot more fun together.

The wait is coming over. Have you looked at the menu? I mean, we've been sitting here for 10 minutes.

It'd be weird if we didn't know what we were getting. Yeah, no, we'll decide now. All right? Okay.