Your adopted cat is actually a cursed evil mage!

Transcript

I hate being a cat so much. I'm so awake and headless, and that peasant who owes me never gives me a moment's peace. Always snogs, and baths, and head baths.

Makes me sick. It's almost bad enough to make me regret all those magical crimes I did. Almost.

But soon, soon, I shall be human again. As soon as that fool returns, I'm as good as free. All I have to do is trick them into saying they love me, and then give me a kiss.

There was a time I thought such a thing impossible, but this overly affectionate simpleton has done both. I simply need to get them to do it in the right order, and even if that's not the exact right way to break the curse, the spell circle I have prepared in the porch should provide me enough of a magic push to smooth that over. Ah, yes, they have returned from their labor.

Soon, I will finally be able to enact my plan. Greetings, peasant. I require your attention.

No! Oh, don't pat my head. Oh, how I wish you could hear my words.

But fortunately, you're simple-minded enough that a few mules and males get my point across well enough. Now, come. Come.

Yes, yes, I'm a pretty little potato girl. Now pay attention. Follow me to the porch.

You're not following me. That little stuffed mouse won't distract me, peasant. Not at all.

You think of me as a mewing simpleton? Did you truly think I am the type to be distracted by a ball of fel-wrapped string assembled into the crude vasemite of a mouse? If you throw it, I will simply ignore it.

Eh? Eh? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? I can't find it! You never threw it, did you? Oh, you pay for that soon.

Soon, fool. Laugh while you can. Laugh while you can.

Now follow, pet. Follow me to the porch. Bah, don't yell at me.

I needed this potting soil for my spell. I had to make the gaps out of something. Your succulents will be fine.

I'm no monster. Scolding me? Fool, soon you shall grow old before me.

But first, I must complete the ritual. A sorcerer must be resourceful. I can already feel the magic flowing through me.

I have the physical component completed as best I can. But I must complete the spiritual aspect and it must be tonight. Ah, peasant, you scold and scold.

But soon you shall pierce clay in my hands. Mortal to my will. Your simple might and nature is no match for my dark cunning.

Behold, arrogant fool, kitty cat, mice. Yes, yes? Your anger now forgotten, you reach down to scold me up.

Soon, fool, soon, the ritual shall be completed. You love me? Fool, you gave unto me an affirmation of love.

Cruel it may have been. Now, now, the final part of the ritual. A kiss from one who has learned to love me.

All worth as you so clearly articulated. No, don't, don't hurt my belly. No.

Yes. Scratch my belly, scratch it. That's good.

No, no, no. I have to focus the ritual. Do not remember your hand.

Do not remove your hand. No, you must complete it. Kiss me.

Yes, yes, a kiss. A kiss on the forehead, perhaps better kiss nonetheless. The war is mine now, fool.

You have broken the curse. Fool, I am human again. Free to walk the night.

Free to conquer. Free to rule. Oh, how I relish this.

My power restored. Magic flows through my veins again. Why, I may be even stronger than before.

Those goody-goody white merchants who trapped me in this form will know what hit them. And then, I'll have all the fish and cut me by design. Why are you standing there all sad, my lord? No, fool, no.

Before the great sorceress Socks. That's not my name. My name is Socks.

No, no, I know my name. That's not my name. That's the name you gave me when you took me off the street.

My name is Socks. Fool, why did you name me such? I didn't even have white pores.

I was silken and black. Black as the darkest night. Just as the hair of my gorgeous human form.

No matter. I'll figure that out later. For now, I shall reveal in being human once again.

Oh, how I have desired this. I owe you a little present. I think I'll give you the honor of being my slave.

Now, now. Sorceress is such a fool in the form of being as beautiful and powerful as me. I suggest you cast your blessings.

Or soon, you'll be cutting curses instead. Now, quickly, slave. Bring unto me a mirror so that I might hide the beauty so long lost to me.

Why do you laugh? Fetch the mirror immediately. Make haste.

Lest I trap you eternally inside of it. My, my, my sweet lord. I'm not human.

No, no, no, no. I'm, I'm, I'm still part of cat. The ritual is incomplete.

That's why I cannot say my name. Oh, what a croupette. Ugh, you fool.

You're worth the cat, don't you? The white magic was very clear that the curse was only broken by a declaration of love followed by a kiss. But you didn't do it right.

I'm a filthy neko. And, and it's all your fault. You did this to me.

I don't care that you had no way of knowing. You, you, you treat me as this, this beast. Oh, oh, you'll pay.

You will pay. I'll, I'll turn you into a mouse. Yes, that's what I'll do.

Hope you like cheese peasant. Tastes just bad. Did, did you just use the spray bottle on me? Oh, now I'm really mad.

Incantation, bitches. Tastes says, Will you stop that? I'm trying to put a spell on you.

Your insulin's still 12. I learned to read the room. Tastes, stop.

That, that, that. No. Stop.

Stop. I give up. You banned me.

I don't know how. But you've broken my spirit. My evil, evil spirit.

I'm cold. I'm wet. And defeated.

And humiliated. I wish you'd just let me as a cat. Oh, what have I done to deserve this? I'm just going to stand in the corner and cry now.

Don't you dare touch my chin.