🖕 😤 You Call This a Kidnapping?! 😤 🖕 (F4M) (You Kidnap Me & Live to Regret It) (Parody) (Tough Love & Life Advice)

Transcript

Oh You can fuck right off How are you and did you sleep well, I've been kidnapped This isn't a premier in Okay, what subsection of the Internet do you represent Oh Well, you've kidnapped a woman in your own abasement, I assume you're chronically online I beg your pardon. Have I offended you? So, sorry, I shall brush up on my Stockholm syndrome Oh You understand why I'm agitated to you.

I don't think you do. Do you know what I had planned today? I A day of complete and total isolation from the world that didn't involve you All those days I've worked and I've saved up I was gonna have such a nice day rotting in bed But now I have to talk to you So, come on, what is it Is this a sex thing or a murder thing Oh God it's neither.

That's even scarier. Come on then. What was the thought process? Oh Dear God my brother in Christ.

How can you be in love with me? You've never spoken to me. Oh We found the root of the problem, okay Listen to me.

You can't be in love with someone if you've never had consensual conversations with them What you're experiencing is a combination of lust and loneliness very toxic best avoided And to some degree you do have my sympathy. It's a hard age to be in There's no third party places people don't go out as much but still Not really cause for kidnapping Would you not agree This was not a good move on your part at all and Also, what the fuck is this room? You've got time to kidnap somebody but not time to make a bed Oh Empty the rubbish Oh Hoover.

I Say this with some empathy and held back rage you need to sort out your priorities Oh No wonder you thought you had to kidnap me I'd never come here of my own free will it's filthy Here's what you do you set a timer on your phone 15 minutes 20 minutes and you just clean until the timer goes off No less. No more. Okay, I Have ADHD trust me And what is this? Black and white bedding next to a beige wall Where is the color consideration? Also, where's the personality? Oh, I'm getting from this is sad Generic sad, man And again, you have some sympathy what come on? You're not exactly helping yourself.

Oh I'm sad. So I'm just gonna sit in a sad smelly room You can't think that's the solution See yeah, you know, don't you so what are you gonna do about it? No showing your shoulders, what are you gonna do? It's okay to need help You don't have to do everything by yourself Also going on the small track record that I have in front of me when you do things by yourself you end up breaking the law So maybe ask for help every now and again I Don't know family friends Yeah, but now myself Well, not all of them are bad, but some of them are just plain unhelpful and mean Speaking of which I hope someone notices I'm gone Well, if I can't convince you to let me go and be a decent human being I'm gonna have to rely on them look Which doesn't fill me with much hope but please not one not My guy What were you thinking also If you have been stalking me I know that's what we're calling it.

You have been stalking me been following me without my knowledge creepily non-consensually eerily Okay Why the fuck don't you know what my temperaments like? Did anything about this vibe make you think she's gonna be so down for this? The audacity You thought once I got here you can make me fall in love with you cheese You have been watching too much media in the dark Beauty and the Beast is a fantastic animated story, but it's a terrible model for life You must stay here and fall in love with me.

I think the fuck not Cuz you can't fall in love with somebody when you're held against your own will You Really don't even understand do you that's what's so scary in your mind. This is romantic and if I just gave you a chance You know what I would have liked the chance of a lion in my own bed and sheets that aren't repulsive Because my room is gorgeous and beautiful and it's not because it's expensive or I live in an amazing place It's because I made it so Yes, I too. I'm lonely and don't understand men and wish sometimes that I could just be like what what is it? Why? But am I going out kidnapping them? I think not Although maybe that's just a fundamental difference between men and women I don't want you in my space Of course it's mine, I'm very protective of my space as I said, it's not a chateau You Can put all the funny faces you want the truth is the truth I'm not saying this to be cruel.

I'm trying to get you to have a breakthrough Because you don't need a woman you need Self-respect And maybe to reach out and say I'm struggling someone. Please see me or help me Not hey random woman that I projected all my loneliness on to stay here in my shithole If you want my honest opinion, I think the reason I'm not scared is I'm just baffled Well one that this has ever become discourse in romance and to that this doesn't seem like you And I know I don't know you and I know I don't know what you've been through, but you look just like You look sad And it looks like you're trying to pave over the sadness with some fucked up ideas about sex and love and intimacy I Said I ain't got fucking answers. Okay, I'm lonely, too That doesn't mean kidnapping me is gonna inspire.

No, fuck me and let's just fix all each other's problems. That's not life And I think so many of us are just lied to by media and Past generations that another person is just gonna come along and make everything better. They can't Okay If I somehow magically fell in love with you right now and fucked you every single day we still wouldn't be addressing the root problem Okay You are lonely you are sad And you're gonna have to find a way of dealing with that instead of just diving into fantasy Speaking of someone who reads too many romance novels Although if this is the alternative I have to say my book husband would never do this I can't believe I'm asking this.

What's your name? This is how two people have a conversation, what's your name? Well, apparently, you know mine Right, well What's going on Well, why did you kidnap me put me in your basement and Profess to love me when we've never had one single conversation apart from me screaming at you saying what the fuck You just liked me Where did you even see me Social media you addictive whore I know I should have deleted my Twitter Listen My stuff I put on there is just for shits and giggles.

Okay, and yeah, some of my personality will be in there But it's not really me It's just me shit posting And this is not how you meet someone you don't kidnap and them and say I've read your profile and we seem perfect for each Other do stay for a cup of tea More than angry, I'm just Just feel really sad for you Because you didn't just wake up one day and think I will kidnap her that's the solution He clearly got here step by step and it's like what the fuck Do you have any friends Family Right, well The few that you do have if you can talk to them you need to And if you can't do that and then You need to make some friends and not by going out kidnapping them and forcing them to be in your basement You need to start conversations you need to go to places where people I need to join discourses and just be like hey This is me. I'm a little bit sad. I'm wanting to make friends It's called being brave and shit But if you want to be a decent human being and have real connections you might want to consider it I'm not who you thought I was am I?

If I was this would be the part where I apologize and say I'm so sorry and give me time and I'll become her But I'm not I'm not your fantasy. I'm not your desire. I'm not your wet dream.

I am me flawed fucked off tired I'm probably just as confused and sad as you I Hold no answers, and I don't want to It's not my job to make you not sad I Am sorry that you said obviously This is shit everybody feels hopeless and that there's no point and everybody's disappointing, but then We're all we've got So we just end up in this horrible cycle of being like maybe I'll give them a chance. Oh, no, it's terrible I'm going back inside and into delusion land I Get it. I really really do But it doesn't matter who you kidnap who you project on to what size they are color they are You can't force someone to like you They either do or they don't It's not even something you can earn And you can only find out by you both wanting to spend time together There's no good boy points you can't earn it can't cheat it it just either is or it isn't Hey, okay, I Don't even know I don't know why I'm asking you if you're okay, I guess I Want you to be okay because I don't want this to happen to more people what's happening to you what's happening to me And what you did is incredibly fucked up, but I still feel sorry for you, which is so strange And that does not mean I'm falling in love with you.

Just every way I No, no, no.