We Talk About Gender & Queer Identity (Episode 5, Exes series - Moody Musician)

Transcript

As you listen to this audio roleplay, I invite you to use headphones and imagine yourself as the main character of this story. Oh, wait up, is there someone else here now? Shit, is the audio engineer telling everyone about my secret rooftop patio now? Oh, hold on, is that the same guy as yesterday? Oh, wow, are they a woman? Okay, they're definitely wearing a dress, makeup, their hair is up.

Ah, but those are the same Converse All-Stars shoes they were wearing yesterday. I recognize the doodles on them. Wow, okay, same person.

Just, I guess, gender fluid? Or maybe cross-dressing? I've never met someone in person whose gender changes or who is non-binary or intersex.

I'm not sure if I say something or not about it. Oh, hey, hi, you're here. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, is it obvious? Yeah, I was a little surprised when I realized it was you, given, you know, some of the differences from yesterday.

Oh, yeah? No, no, it doesn't bother me, of course not. And you shouldn't have to ask that.

You're allowed to be you as you want to be, whether or not it bothers me or anybody else. I mean, honestly, I get shit and judgment from others all the time for not wanting to wear dresses and makeup, and I've learned just to not give a fuck and live my life the way that fits for me, you know? Yeah, so I am all for everyone else doing the same, including you.

And by the way, you are definitely rocking that dress, especially with the Converse All-Stars shoes. Yeah, runway model chic meets street-style cool. And, uh, holy shit, you have cheekbones and a jawline to die for, All-Stars.

Well, you're welcome. Um, would it be okay if I asked you about your gender? I don't want to pry at all, I'm just interested.

Uh-huh. Right, right. Genderfluid.

Right. So how you dress and present depends on your mood and preferences every day? Uh-huh.

So, uh, are you genderfluid in expression and identity? Oh, oh, I see. More in your fashion and beauty choices than in identity? Uh-huh.

But you're also fine being referred to as they, her, or him? Right, right. Me? Yeah, yeah, I'm female.

But as you can see, I tend to dress and look more masculine, I guess? Or just more comfortable, really. Yeah, I'm definitely not glam or femme or anything like that.

I'm about as chapstick as they get. Huh? Oh, pronouns? Pronouns? Um, yeah, I'm fine with she, her, or they, them.

Yeah, either is okay. And yes, I'm queer. Bisexual.

Oh yeah? You too? Yeah, yeah, I know.

Bi can get a bad rap in the gay community. Lateral intolerance and hatred within LGBTQ groups sucks as much as the oppression and judgment from mainstream society. I know, right? But hey, you can't help who you love, right? Uh-huh.

Yeah, yeah. Oh yes? Uh-huh.

Yeah, I'm just coming off a bad breakup too. We were together for a year and a half, but it was a mess. And it ended in a huge showdown before Christmas.

Why did we end things? It was really toxic and emotionally abusive, honestly. It wasn't easy to get out of it.

But I'm glad I had people to help me and therapy to work through it. I'm happier and a lot less stressed and anxious on my own. That's for sure.

Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Oh wow.

Sounds like it was a tough ending for you too. Right. So you've been single for a while? Uh-huh.

Yeah, that makes sense with you being on tour and gigging a lot and everything. Me? Am I looking to date again after my last crash and burn? Yeah, but I think I'm done with straight guys.

Or the abusive ones, anyway. But yes, these days I'm sticking with my rainbow peeps when it comes to my love life. Oh for sure, there's lots of great queer hangouts.

Especially in the village. Yeah, that's what we call our gay district. Officially it's the gay village or le village gay.

But it's usually just referred to as the village. Right, or le village. Very good at picking up on the French language there.

Right, right, fast learner. Especially when you're trying to impress some of the locals. Uh-huh.

Right, right. What's that? Oh, my bad breakup? Yeah, ultimately I left him.

But I needed my sister to support me through that. Oh yeah? He left you? But you wish you had had the strength to leave first? Right.

Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, same here. Oh wow.

Yeah, that's poignant. And right on the nose. You didn't think you deserved better? So you let him treat you like the garbage you believed you were? Yeah, I definitely know what that experience feels like.

Can I ask how you coped with all that? I mean, you don't have to answer or anything. I'm realizing suddenly that this conversation has gotten super personal really fast.

And honestly, I don't mean to intrude. You're just so easy to talk to. Oh really? You were about to say the same thing about me? Right, right.

Kindred introverts. Well, I'm asking more with genuine interest and curiosity about your experience. Because I'm just six months post-breakup, after a year and a half of gaslighting and emotional abuse.

And I still feel like I'm barely me and totally in the dark in terms of figuring out who the fuck I really am, you know? Oh yeah? You know that experience so well, you make a living writing songs about it? Well, there you go.

Nice channeling of your pain and suffering. Yeah, yeah. Music and art help me process the dark stuff too.

Me? What cathartic, intimate, and emotional experience? Me? What cathartic and artistic activities do I like to engage in to channel my pain and suffering? Let's see.

I like to write, I guess. But just for fun. Like in my journal and stuff.

Sometimes I write parody song lyrics. Yeah, yeah. I sing and dance a bit too.

Oh god, no. Nothing pro. Nothing even public, actually.

Well, I trained a bit and I've done some musical theatre shows. Some choir performances and dance recitals. When I was in my teens and early twenties.

But nothing like that now. No. These days I play around with writing, singing, and dancing in private.

And to be honest, I don't even do much of that anymore. I mean, you know, with my job and everything, I don't know. I just don't have time and energy for being creative, you know? Right, right.

That's why you decided to make music your profession. So you'd have to be creative. Even during times when you were scared.

Wow. Well, it sounds like you know yourself pretty well. Oh, I see.

But you also made a backup plan in case it doesn't work out with your songwriter and musician career? What's that? Oh, cool! You own a queer-focused music store? In Hillcrest? Is that the name? Right, right.

Oh, I see. So you have employees and a manager who run it for you? Nice, nice.

How long have you had the store? Wow! So business has been good? Awesome! Yeah, yeah.

It sounds like your plan B, running in the background, allows you to do whatever the fuck you want with plan A. That's awesome. Cool! Right on, right on.

So how long has your band been together? Right, fairly new? Hmm.

Uh-huh. Well, you guys must be something if you're already in the newcomers-to-check-out ad campaign for the festival. I think only ten bands.

Yeah. Nice, nice. Yeah, for sure.

I'll have to swing by Studio F and hear you guys play. Oh, and speaking of which, here's that list I wanted to bring to you. Yeah, with suggestions of where to hang out and eat while you tour Quebec and Nova Scotia.

You're very welcome. Thank you. Quebec and Nova Scotia? You're very welcome.

It's no big deal. I know I love it when I meet folks during my travels and they share suggestions with me. It's always a fun adventure.

Huh? Oh, are any of the recommendations on my list located in the gay village here in Montreal? Uh, no, sorry.

My bad, I assumed that wasn't your scene. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made that assumption. But I can get back to you with more suggestions specifically in the village if you'd like.

I'll bring the list by the studio later when I drop by to listen to your band. What? No need to make another list? Oh, you'd rather get the in-person tour? You're right.

The experience will be much better with somebody local showing you around. Right, right, right. Are you asking me on a date? Well then, yes, I'd love to.

When would you like to go? Friday night? Friday night? After your recording gig is done? Sure, if you'd like, we can meet here after work and just walk from here.

It's just down St. Catherine Street east of Place des Arts. Cool.

Well, I guess I better start thinking about where to take you on this insider's tour of the village. Any particular requests? Introvert friendly? I see, I see.

Wherever all the quiet gays are? Yeah, yeah, I know a few places. We'll just hop from rooftop to rooftop, okay? Yeah, yeah, sounds great.

Oh, sure, sure. You gotta head back? Smoke breaks over? Okay, no worries.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, I will catch you sometime later this week. Okay? Alright, see you later, all-stars.