We Play Hide & Seek, But Make It Westcoast Wild (Episode 8, Partners series - Big Bear)

Transcript

As you listen to this audio roleplay, I invite you to use headphones and imagine yourself as the main character of this story. Okay, so according to the park trail map, the turnoff to the ocean should be just up ahead. Yeah, the guide was saying that this area has the calmest and warmest waters of the Canadian west coast.

It should be an amazing swim. Yeah, it's in a little bay further inside the channel. Apparently it's a bit of a scramble down to the ocean from the cliffside trail, but well worth the effort for a private beach on the Pacific Ocean.

Wow, bear. These are some of the most breathtaking trails I have ever hiked. The Pacific North Coast is like no other place I have ever seen.

Lush old growth rainforest, temperamental sea. There's a wildness and an aliveness to this place that feels incredibly primal and tremendously powerful. Mother Nature is definitely the dominatrix of this place.

Oh, oh, hey, here's the turnoff to the beach. Oh, wow. Check out the view from here.

You can see the whole bay contained so perfectly down there. It's like a little seaside playground. Look at all those streams and tidal pools, all the driftwood and rocks, all the nooks and crannies to hide in and make out in.

What's that? Do I want to play? Bear, what do you mean? Hide and seek.

Make it West Coast wild. Okay. Oh, oh, you're going to bring out your growly black bear? Well, then, okay.

Yes. Uh-huh. Yeah, for sure.

Whatever you're about to propose. Yes. Yes, I'm in.

Okay, so I hide and you seek. That's pretty standard. I can do that.

Oh, but if you find me, the stakes are a little higher than in typical hide and seek. How is that? Oh, my.

If you catch me, you will tackle me and take one item of clothing off of me. Uh-huh. And then you'll give me one minute to hide again.

And then you'll chase me and track me and take another piece of clothing off of me. Like, what if other people end up coming down here? Oh, shit, then I better get good at hiding.

And what happens if you manage to take all of my clothes? Oh, oh, then you'll have your way with me. Well, fuck.

Right, right. Fucking is the overall goal. Uh, yeah, yeah, that sounds like fun.

But I think you're underestimating my ability to hide. I don't think you're going to reach your goal. I'm an introvert at heart, you know.

I know how to hide. Oh, what? Are you mocking my stealth or hyping up your own tracking abilities? Well, I think I can blend into my surroundings much better than you realize.

Oh, why are you laughing so hard? Oh, oh, oh, yeah. My hoodie is very bright, but here, there you go.

If I take it off, I'm dressed in mostly black. So there, you have no chance of finding me. Why are you still laughing at me? Oh, my God, yes, I did just hand over the first item of clothing to you without even having to try.

I'm screwed, aren't I? Oh, shit. Again, yes, that's the overall goal.

Oh, man. Okay, then, what are the rules? Okay.

Right, right. So I can hide anywhere along the beach bay down there, but not in the forest or along the trail. So just in the rocky and sandy areas.

So basically, I have to stay out in the open. Right, right. But use whatever natural elements are there to shield myself and blend in and avoid you catching me.

Huh? Starting right now, you're giving me a five-minute head start to go down the trail and hide? You really think I need five minutes? You have that little faith in my disappearing magic act? Well then, I'm just glad I have a book in my backpack because I'm thinking it's going to be a long afternoon, all in my lonesome, in my perfect hiding spot, wearing all of my current clothing.

Oh, yeah, clock's ticking, eh? All right, all right. Well, baby, I guess I'll see you later tonight, then.

Bye. Oh, my God. Bear's going to win this game so fucking fast.

I don't stand a chance. Out in the open, on a beach. And how many pieces of clothing am I wearing, anyway? Does my backpack count? Oh, and what's Bear going to do to me to get my clothes off? And what's Bear going to do to me once my clothes are all off? Oh, fuck, this is hot.

But, oh, my God, potentially really fucking embarrassing. Yeah, I don't know what would be more humiliating for Bear to catch me super easily and strip me within seconds, or for others walking by the viewpoint to catch me butt naked and report me for public indecency. But, oh, my God, it's so hot.

Oh, I hope Bear pounces on me and holds me down and ravages me. Oh, fuck. Okay, okay, focus.

All right. I gotta watch what I'm doing here or Bear will find me face planted on the trail and will mock me so bad for choosing such a terrible hiding place. All right.

Okay, okay, okay, here we are. All right, I'm at the beach. Now, let's scan real quick.

Okay, the trailhead comes out on the left end of the beach over here. And with this side of the bay forested, we can't even see most of the trail from the beach except where the path comes out here. Okay.

All right, we've got tall grassy patches and some overhanging trees around here, but I think Bear might be able to see this spot from the trail on the way down. Yeah, not gonna chance it. Ah, but you know what? I can hide my backpack here wedged in behind this tree right there.

I'm sure I've got some good items in there that will come in handy later. And I don't want Bear to take it first. Okay, backpack hidden.

Now time to hide myself. Okay, the rest of the crescent wall containing this beach bay is a mass of giant unclimbable rocks that have tumbled from the cliff I just hiked down from. There's a few large boulders in the center of the beach with moss and ferns and new trees growing atop of it.

There's some huge old driftwood logs by the sand. And there's a kind of ditch over there by the stream. And it seems to go around a bend over there and up to a couple of caves in the cliffside a little bit over there.

Jeez, those are all prime spots for hornets' nests and crabs and maybe even a real fucking bear. And I'm gonna be full on naked faster than Bear can say, gotcha. And anyway, I feel like all of these spots are obvious and Bear's gonna go straight for those.

Okay, I feel like my best bet is keeping my eye on Bear and then just continuously moving to avoid them. So despite boasting about me kicking back and reading my book while I hide, I think I will actually play to my strengths and keep dancing around. Alright, over here behind this one huge boulder in the middle of the beach.

And I'll stay on the ocean side of it and I'll keep a lookout on the trail end where Bear will arrive out of the forest. Yeah, okay, okay, this is great. I can see really well from here.

And then I can move around the boulder in the opposite direction of wherever Bear decides to explore first. Alright, alright. So I'll just wait right here.

Man, I wish I could see more of the trail. They're not up on the viewpoint so I know they must be on the trail by now. Nope, no sign of them yet.

Man, it's gotta have been over five minutes by now. Bear should be down the trail by now. Damn, what's going on? I hope Bear's not hurt or something.

Shit. Where's that Bear strategy? Make me worry and come find them? Fuck.

Or maybe they're just inside the trail a ways and totally spying on the beach right now and I don't even know it. Oh fuck. Oh my god, where are you Bear? What the fuck? Holy fucking shit.

How in the hell did you do that? Predator's prerogative? It's for you to know and for me to have no way to find out? Holy shit.

Oh my god, what are you doing? Oh fuck. That's what you're taking off first? You want to see me hauling ass as you chase after me? And you want this ass on display while I do it? What? I'm lucky you're allowing me to keep my hiking boots on a little longer.

Because once I can't run on rocks anymore, I'm done for? Well, we'll see about that. You may have got one surprise pounce in, but I learn and adapt quickly.

Huh? I have one minute to hide again. Oh shit, okay.

You're not looking, right? How do I know you're not peeking through your hands? Okay, yeah.

You go back up into that trail there and count for a whole minute before coming out again. Uh-huh. Yeah, you can't see anything from the trail, right? Yeah, I'm trusting you.

I should never trust a bear. Alright. Fuck.

How did Bear even get out here on the beach without me even seeing them come out the trailhead? Is there another path? Okay, I have to catch where they're coming back out from.

Okay, where's a good spot? Okay, that log over there is parallel to the cliff. I should be able to see wherever Bear climbs down and comes out of.

Okay, okay. Let's check quickly for critters. Yeah, watch there be a raccoon in here or something.

Okay, looks pretty clear. I'll just lie on my side on the sand and get right up against the log. And if I angle this right, I can peek through this hole in the driftwood.

Yeah, there we go. I can see the trailhead and the cliffside pretty good from here. Oh my god.

Meanwhile, I am pantsless. I don't even want to know if there are people looking at me from that viewpoint right now. They would be like, what the fuck is she doing to that log? Okay, okay Bear.

I'll catch you. I'll catch you this time. I'm watching you.

Come on, dude. Where are you? Fuck.

Come on. Where are you, Bear? Okay, it's been several minutes by now.

He should have come out by now. What? Care to spoon? No.

Oh my god. How the hell are you doing that? Did you just conjure up a magic portal or something? Fuck.

Huh? You're a hungry bear and you can smell me a mile away? Are you serious? No? No? Then what is it? Come on, man.

How are you finding me so fast? And how are you showing up out of thin air? Oh my god.

There's no way of stopping you when you're chasing your favorite beaver. Oh my god. Huh? What's that? Speaking of.

Full moon right off the bat? Time to hit that moonshine. Oh my god, Bear.

Oh my god, and the growls. Fuck. Fuck.

Okay, okay. You've got to be cheating. Yes you are, and I know it.

No, there's no way. Alright then. This time you stay right here where I can see you.

Eyes covered with the palms of your hands. Uh-huh. And turn around and face up against that cliffside wall.

Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm making absolutely sure you aren't peeking, okay? Alright.

Okay, you got a minute. Go. Oh my god.

I'm totally full fucking Monty right now. Running across this goddamn beach. Oh fuck.

Please let no one else show up on this beach right now. What the fuck? How is Bear finding me? This is seriously freaking me out how ninja-like they are.

You've got to be cheating. Okay, alright. This time I'm keeping my eye on Bear.

Alright. And I'm going to hide up against the forest edge up there. Behind that overhanging tree by the trailhead.

Okay. No, there's no way Bear can see me from where they're standing if I tuck right between the trunk and the cliff. Like that.

There we go. Okay. Oh god, and I can still see them pretty good through these leaves.

Okay, okay. Alright, alright. They're done.

Okay. You're looking around. And sniffing the air.

And sniffing the air. Oh my god. And madly overturning rocks and branches along the beach like a grizzly chasing a salmon in a river.

What the hell are you doing, you big goof? Oh my god, you're going to make me laugh out loud. Is that your strategy? Oh, oh, you're stopping.

And twitching your head. Oh, something's got your attention. Oh shit, are you actually going to find me just like that? By listening to the fucking wind or something? Can you actually smell me? Oh wow.

You're running all over the beach. Oh wow. And making your way right over here.

Oh fuck. I bet you know exactly where I am. Oh okay, no, you're mad dashing it up the trail.

What the hell? Um, you're following the wrong scent there, baby. Ha, there you go.

I knew you were cheating. Now that you can't spy on me while I hide, you have no idea how to find me. Did you just jump out of the fucking tree I'm hiding behind? Are you fucking kidding me? Did you just jump out of the fucking tree I'm hiding behind? Are you fucking kidding me? Oh my god.

Oh my god, what are you doing? Oh wow. You're taking both my wrists and your hands and pinning them up above my head and against the trunk of this mask.