Waking Up in Your Bully's Arms

Transcript

Finally waking up, huh? Hey, relax. I'm pretty sure you twisted your ankle.

You really don't remember? Wow, you must've hit your head harder than we thought. What, you don't believe me? You know touching it's just gonna make it hurt more.

Do you really not? Okay, what's the last thing you remember? Okay, you at least remember the beginning of your night.

I don't know when you came in, but I'm pretty sure you came after me, because I was sitting and playing Mario Kart, and when I got up you were just walking into the room. So unless you were hanging out in like, another room, let's say you got there around ten-ish, then I made fun of your big forehead and you pouted and ran off. What? That's what happened.

Besides, you know I can't pass up a moment to make fun of you. And your outfit was actually looking pretty good tonight, so I couldn't make fun of your dumb clothes. Had to go with the safe old billboard brow.

Careful, I'm gonna drop you. Then how you gonna get home, huh? They're your friends.

Hey, listen, I'm not being nice. You really don't remember anything. You know you shouldn't drink so much if you're gonna black out all the time.

A shittier bully would've left you there. Well, what fun would it be if I did that, huh? I don't hate you.

I just love to pick on you. Hmm, you're smaller than me. You pout whenever I do.

Or you get all shy and look at the ground and make silly sounds. Honestly, there's a lot of reasons to do it. Better question is why do you let me? Oh, relax.

Well, I've never done it before. When have I hurt you? Sticks and stones, like come on.

I'm mostly joking. You really do have a big forehead. I'm not gonna make up something that's entirely untrue.

I just like your outfit really is nice tonight. Stop what? Carrying you home? Stop making sure you get home safely? Well, you were the one complaining that I was too nice a bully.

Nothing makes you happy, huh? That's better. Should've started this with a thank you.

Right, I haven't gotten to that part. I didn't see you for a while, but when I saw you again, you were dancing on a table. Probably because you're fucked.

Then security showed up and quickly shut down the party, but when they opened the door, you fell off the table and not only bumped your head, but also twisted your ankle. Can we stop at this bench for a second? Well, it's kind of difficult to walk, talk, and carry you, so give me a second to catch my breath.

There you go. Okay, how's your ankle feel? Oh, right.

So, initially I was just gonna like run away, but I noticed your friends ran away. Like, they weren't around. They didn't pick you up.

And, yeah, like I said, can't really make fun of you if you're not around. So, yeah, it just, Graviton started running off, you know? I figure even though we don't have, like, the best relationship, because I'm kind of mean to you.

I'm at least familiar, so you wouldn't be, like, too spooked when you woke up kind of deal. Yeah, besides, your friends is, like, across the street from mine, so I don't, like, I'm super inconvenient. Wow, you're such a mess.

Did you bring, like, a bag? It must have fell out of your pocket when you fell off the table. Obviously not.

I was too busy worrying about getting you out. I didn't think to look for all of your belongings. Come on, you're a grown-up.

Why was this on me? Do you have your keys, at least? Okay, easy.

Well, we could probably just buzz somebody to let you in, and then, yeah, if your roommate's up, like you said, then chilling. Uh-uh, no, none of that. We're not, like, friends.

No, you know. It's not that I don't like you. I just, I don't want to start, like, feeling bad for being mean to you, and I really enjoy being mean to you.

Yeah, after today, just back to, back to normal. Not that you're gonna remember it, honestly. Considering how much of the night you already lost, I'm sure you're gonna lose all of this in the morning.

Assuming you don't have a concussion, like, you should, you should really drink some water and get your roommate to bring you a nurse tomorrow or something. No, you won't. You really think so, huh? Okay, I'll, uh, I'll give you something special to remember.

Close your eyes. Just do it. If you couldn't trust me, we wouldn't have gotten this far.

Okay. I know. I just really do like it tonight.

And this will never happen again. It'll be a nice little secret for me to remember. Something to hold over your head.

And, if you do remember, then, well, maybe I'll start being nice to you. Who knows? Okay, let me carry you the rest of the way and we'll part ways till the next time you trip and I can make fun of you for it.

That's my role in your life. Your friendly neighborhood asshole.