You wake up to a sweet voice gently chastising you for how messy you were last night. I bet you barely remember a thing! Who am I? Well, your guardian angel, of course. And I'm here because last night a succubus nearly got to you! I was able to save you before she fucked you and sucked out your soul, but it was a close call, and you're tainted now. But that's okay...I can cleanse you and make you pure and Godly again. All you have to do is let me fuck you. Mmm that's right...don't worry about my change in tone, my blackening eyes, the ravenous way I ride you. Just hand over your orgasm to me & everything will be just fine.
Calm down. Don't panic. That's why I'm here.
We're gonna fix it. Your soul is tainted, but I'm your guardian angel. I'm a heavenly being, which means I can cleanse your soul.
How? Well, duh. We're gonna have sex.
Sex got you into this mess, and now it's gonna get you out of it. Of course I'm serious. So what if it's not in the Bible? Who do you trust more, a book written thousands of years ago by mortals, or your guardian angel who's actually met God personally?