Tomorrow Will Be Kinder - Comfort for Doms

Transcript

My friend, oh, it's so good to see you, hello, oh, I missed you, oh, I miss holding you, oh, my dear, dear friend, so, so happy to see you, please, please come in, take a seat, would you like something to drink, I have some coffee, some hot chocolate, some tea, water, I think you'll need water, just give me a moment, sit down, sit down, please, make yourself comfortable, it's a small, modest place, but I'd like to think that I've made a home out of it, yeah, you know, when was the last time we spoke to each other, eh? Oh, far too long, far, far, far, far, far too long, here, you look like you could use a drink, no alcohol this time, eh? I'm trying to be a good influence, there, here you go, some water for us, something nice, good, when I got the message a couple of hours ago, you were heading over, I was surprised, I was surprised and maybe a little worried that there was some trouble, and it seems to me that you are concerned with something, what is this thing that troubles you, my friend?

Well, come on, you can tell me, do you have any conflicts with any of your companions, do you have, you know, do you have any trouble with family, is it, or is it something a bit more intimate, a bit more personal, no, you don't have to say anything, I know, I know and I see it in your eyes, and I understand, not long ago I also experienced this, this feeling of inadequacy, this feeling of tremendous vulnerability, this fear that I wasn't doing the right thing, that it was all an illusion, all a, all an act, and maybe those aren't the words that you say to yourself, maybe those aren't the words that you think are appropriate to describe your feeling, but certainly there is something there, wouldn't you say, a fear, some level of uncertainty, some dissatisfaction with how you are and how you see yourself, and how you perceive others to see you, yeah, yeah, I get that, I get that from time to time too, and I know how it feels, I do, I genuinely do, like I said, some time ago I felt so broken and unhappy with what I was doing as a dom, as a master, as a person, that I, I just, I just broke down, I couldn't handle it, I couldn't do what I wanted to do or what I thought I needed to do, and I recorded it, yeah, yeah, it's one of the older, well no, it's not one of the older audio, but it's, it's been around for a while, buried in the ever-growing collection of audio we hear on the internet, but right now, you are feeling this present weight, aren't you? Tell me though, how long have you been feeling this? How long has it been since you started this notion of inadequacy, this uncertainty in what you're doing as a dom?

Hmm. Sometimes it can be different for people, you know, sometimes it's just one disappointment after another and then finally it just piles up and piles and piles and piles and piles and then suddenly you snap, you know, from the weight of it all, after carrying so many people and after being such a, such a beacon of stability and vision for your subs or your, just even your friends and your family, you struggle and you realize bravery and control and power isn't all that it's cracked up to be. There are flaws to the system, the very human-powered system.

I can still feel that resistance, you know, that resistance in people like us, the doms, the ones that are meant to be in control, the ones that are expected to be in a certain level of control of ourselves and of others, of the situation. But there comes a time when Like, right now, this is, this is what you are feeling, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, that. It's okay. You can shed some of that weight off your shoulders.

You don't have to carry all of it when you're in my presence, especially when you are in my space. I have built this space to be both safe and sacred for everyone. Everyone.

Even you. More water? No? Okay.

Tell me about these feelings. Tell me about why they are with you right now. Why do they cling to you like talons on the back of your spirit? On the crown of your mind? Hmm.

Yeah. I see. Okay.

Hmm. That really must be such a burden. Right? Having to carry all of that by yourself.

You haven't really shown anybody this side of you, have you? Not really. No.

Do you mind if I shared with you a bit more of my thoughts and experiences? You know, from one dawn to another. These feelings come and go, but they do not leave empty.

They take bits and pieces of us. And they leave scars and wounds and memories behind, you know, in the wake of their destruction. And sometimes we run out of places to receive these wounds.

Sometimes we run out of space in our heart and in our mind to understand others and ourselves. And we fall apart. We genuinely do.

And sometimes the collapse is not as elaborate as we think or as we'd feared, but it's there. Bits and pieces of us taken away because of disappointment and fear and uncertainty. Isn't it so strange that one day you are completely in control of all of your faculties and of all the mysteries of the world.

And then the next you're trying so hard not to cry. Like right now. You can cry.

You don't have to. You're not obliged to show me any more emotion than you think is safe for you to show. The point is, in here, you can cry.

You can feel vulnerable. You can feel the brokenness of your humanity. And you can ask for help from me.

And I offer you this space to heal and to recover, to think about what you want to do next. Or to just sit down or lie down and just not think of any fucking thing. If you need a distraction, then that's what I'll give you.

No dramas, no judgments. Maybe the occasional unsolicited advice. But I am here as a friend.

And as somebody who knows how it feels. And I do know. I know it intimately.

Deeply. This fear. This loneliness that sometimes comes from a wellspring of security.

The more you are in control of yourself, the more you realize that control is not exclusively to us. Sometimes it is in the loss of control that we realize we're just as human, just as open, just as real and just as stupid as the subs we deal with. Sometimes even worse.

Oh yes. Oh yes, my friend. We make just as many stupid choices.

We really do. And oftentimes it's even harder to deal with our pride as a dom. There are days when I think I shouldn't feel this way.

I should be and I should be better than this. I should be smarter, stronger. I should do this to prove myself as a dom.

I should do that to prove myself as a dom. But it's all bullshit. And that's the truth.

All of it is pointless, senseless, useless, trivial knowledge without care. Tell me, my dear friend. When was the last time you cared for yourself? Be honest.

Hmm. Why did you think it was required? Why did you think that that moment of care was necessary? Do you even remember the reason? Do you even remember why it was that far back? Yeah, I figured it.

Mm-hmm. We forget that we are human from time to time. It's pride.

Genuinely, it is. It is all pride. But again, not here to tell you that.

I'm not here to judge. Just here to remind you that when you break down like this, when you ask for help like this, you are not losing any part of yourself as a dom. You are not becoming less of a dom.

You're just being human. You're just being yourself. And that has nothing to do with the quality of your work.

It can affect it. True. It can change it.

It can warp it. It can motivate it. But asking for help, being tender with yourself or with others, it doesn't change who you are.

You will always be a dom if you so choose. And the evidence lies within your actions. Not only to others, but to yourself as well.

Are you happy doing what you do? Are you still happy being who you are? Are you able to tell yourself, I am satisfied with my place in this world and with what I do around other people and with what I do with myself?

If you are, then great. Then there are fewer layers to work on. And if you're not, if you feel that there is something that needs to change, then take the time to care for yourself and for that part that needs, wants, desires change.

I'm not saying you're going to become a sub. I'm not saying you're doing anything. You're not doing anything of the sort.

What I'm saying is, what parts of you need care? What parts of you need to change so that you can care for yourself? It's hard, isn't it? It's very difficult to work on yourself.

Especially when you are constantly reminding yourself of everyone else. Right? You're always thinking about other people.

It's a trick we play on ourselves so that we don't have to worry about our responsibility to our own spirit. I've done it before and I'm seeing you do it now. It's okay.

It's okay. Everybody goes through a phase like that. Sometimes after we're far and away from it, we come back.

Because there are lessons that we need to relearn. Habits we need to unlearn. Would you like a hug? You would.

Yes, you would. Come here. Come here.

It's okay. It's okay. It's alright, my friend.

You're going to be okay. It's okay. I trust you.