The Perfect Birthday: Cuddles, Games & Brownies (Episode 8, Friends-with-benefits series - Lonely Leader)

Transcript

As you listen to this audio roleplay, I invite you to use headphones and imagine yourself as the main character of this story. Enjoy. Thanks for starting the fire, baby! I'm just finishing up dinner here and we'll bring it right over.

That was a beautiful afternoon by the lake, wasn't it? Colours of the trees are just about to change and the earth smells different right before the musty smell of autumn hits. And all of those Canada geese gave us quite a concert, didn't they? Yeah, I love this time of year.

The air is warm in the day, but it starts to get chilly quickly when the sun comes down, so it's a great season for both outdoor activities as well as snuggly indoor activities, too. Yeah, like dinner by the fire. Yes, and other fun snuggly activities, too.

Exactly. Best of both worlds. Well, speaking of the best, I'm making you the absolute best birthday dinner you could ever imagine.

I mean, really. Look up the word best in the dictionary and it is this very meal. Come check it out.

Yes, the one and only craft dinner mac and cheese classic. Do I know you or what? Yeah, yeah.

You introduced me to an age old Brazilian tradition of fire roasting meats, and I introduce you to processed cheese noodles in a box and wieners on a stick. All right. With French's ketchup, of course.

Gotta have the ketchup. Yes, I'm so proud of my Canadian consumer culture. Yeah, yeah, you're right.

It's still the best damn comfort food in the world. Well, I'm happy to serve you the best damn comfort food in the world on your birthday. Well, there you go.

That's another box ticked off the perfect birthday list, mi amor. Yeah, yeah, sure. You can go ahead and start roasting the hot dogs while I finish up the KD here.

I've got a veggie plate for us too. Yeah, we should probably eat something healthy along with all of our processed food. Is there anything else you'd like? Of course, of course.

I promise I won't forget the ketchup. Do you want anything to drink? Okay.

Yeah, I'll bring it right over. How was that, mi amor? Did it hit the birthday spot? Yeah? Well, it's not much, but it's my absolute pleasure.

So what do you want to do now? More playing? Oh, right, right.

Play an actual real game? Yeah, yeah, sure. What would you like to play? There are tons of board games, card games, and conversation games in the cupboard.

What are conversation games? Well, it's just cards with interesting questions on them that we ask each other, topics that get us thinking and sharing. And there are different packs for friends, lovers, strangers, first dates, family, stuff like that.

So some of the card packs are more platonic questions, some are more racy, but all are great for deepening connection, and it's usually pretty funny and entertaining too. Yeah? You want to play that? Okay.

Which pack? Friends or lovers? Okay, great.

Let's start with friends and work our way up to lovers. Just like in real life. All right.

Let me get that out of the cupboard. And would you like some music? Yeah, I've got some Kinkass Morera on my phone, yeah? And how would you feel about cuddling on the couch while we play? Yeah, two birthday wishes with one stone.

We're very efficient. Yeah. How do you want to cuddle? I can sit here and you can snuggle into me, or we can lie down and you can snuggle into me.

Or I can sit back here with my feet up on the coffee table like this, and you can stretch out on the couch, yeah, and lie your head on my lap if you'd like. Yeah? Yeah, sure.

Just lie on your back and rest your head on my lap. I can give you head scratches if you'd like. Yeah, that sounds perfect.

Well, I did say it was a perfect birthday, didn't I? I always keep my promises. Does that feel nice? Do you always keep your hair super short now? Yeah, easier to maintain? Yeah, my niece Wizkid does the same thing.

The moment she realized she could avoid the hassle of long haircare days by keeping it short, she started shaving her head. Yeah, my other niece, Wonderkid, is a different story. She's tried everything and is constantly experimenting with new styles.

She loves expressing herself artistically through her hair. Natural, relaxed, twists, braids, locks, cornrows, puffs, extensions, wigs, wraps, colors, colors, colors. I've learned a lot from her, and my sister, during our many, many hair wash and style weekends together.

Do you ever play with your hairstyle? Uh-huh, right. Yeah, I remember when we were kids, your mom did your hair in those short box braids all the time.

Yeah, I loved it when she added the beads. They made such a great clicky sound when you moved. And do you remember when we were in Brazil toward the end of the trip, when your hair had grown out a bit, and you asked me to do it in quick little twists?

Man, I loved doing that with you, and I just thought you looked so cute in that style. You were so relaxed and happy. It felt so much like when we were kids, didn't it? Oh yeah? You'd like to? Sure, we could definitely do a hair session together.

I mean, I'm not great at sectioning, but I can for sure help with basic braids and twists and stuff. Whatever you like, as long as it's not too complicated. Yeah, yeah, we can do a home hair salon slumber party for our next date.

At your place? Oh, I'm in. Yeah, yeah, you bet.

I'm game for you to do whatever you want with my hair too. There's not much there to work with, but my mane is yours to play with as you wish. Sure, you can lead that party, baby.

I will follow you wherever you want to go. So you ready to play this conversation game, or should we just stick with the head-scratching and kissing? Okay, do you want to pick the first question? Here's the box of questions.

Just pull one out? Okay, fire away. Oh, wow.

What fictional character do I identify with and why? Huh, let me think here for a sec. Let's see.

Oh, I know. I often thought of myself as being a lot like a character named Tara in the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yeah, she's a shy introvert who is sweet and kind, but has a quiet, powerful grounding strength to her.

Yeah, yeah. Let's see. I also identify with a character named Katara from an animated series called Avatar the Last Airbender.

Yeah, in the first series, she's a teenager. And the second series takes place when she's a grandmother. Katara is a nurturer, a healer, a caregiver.

She's more of a pacifist than a fighter, but she can hold her own and has incredible power, which she wields with maturity and honor in order to protect the ones she loves and to stand up for what she believes in. She's the mother hen always, the planner and the organizer. One who offers wisdom, empathy, compassion, and kindness to all who need it.

Eventually, she and the hero, whose name is Aang, fall in love, and she becomes the heart that keeps him centered in a world full of tragedy and conflict. Yeah, kind of like I'm doing for you. Well, I'm glad I can be your Katara.

Can I ask you the same question? Yeah, what fictional character do you relate to and why? Oh yeah? I don't think I'm familiar with that character.

Where are they from? Right, right. What about them do you relate to? Yeah, yeah, that's definitely you.

No question there. Can I ask you, is there a character that you feel represents your inner private side more? You know, your softer self behind the tough heroic leader? And is there a character that nurtures and takes care of them? Nice, then I can be that character for you.

Okay, yes, my turn to pick a question. Alright, let's see here. Alright, what's one regret you have and what would you change if you could? Fuck, that's a big one.

You first. Oh yeah, you regret having had that second helping of Kraft Dinner? Yeah, you're feeling those farts build up? Are you avoiding answering by any chance? That's okay, you know you can always pass gas.

No, no, no, I mean, you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Right, right, no problem, no problem. Yeah, yeah, I can give you a sec.

Yeah, yeah, I can give you a sec. Oh. Oh wow.

Mi amor. You have regrets every time your actions and politics turn into violent conflicts? You have regrets every time another person gets killed, victimized, abused, or oppressed by the systems supposed to govern and protect them, and you weren't able to stop it?

You have regrets spending your life fighting for others' rights and the loneliness and despair that has cost you? You have regrets for following in your parents' footsteps and not just being a regular kid and then a regular adult worrying about no one else but themselves? Oh, mi amor.

I can't even imagine the pressure of your life and the self-sacrifice it has required of you. Would you change it if you could? Really? You still feel like you're the right person for the job? Yeah, yeah, that's true.

If you can't do it, no one can. Right, right. You know it's what you're here to do.

But it can get very, very heavy. But you feel you have to now more than ever with everything happening in world politics right now. You really do believe that you're needed.

Wow, mi amor, you are incredible. You are the Aang to my Katara. You're a true hero.

Mmm. You know, in that show, Aang is just a kid. And there's a lot about him that reminds me of you and how we were as kids.

I love it when I can reduce your stress and allow you to play again. So, uh, how can I help ease the burden a little? More of this? Oh yeah, I can definitely do more of this.

I'm so happy to do this. No, no, I don't mind. I told you, it's never bringing down any mood when you and I are being open and vulnerable.

Okay? I love our closeness. Me? How would I answer this question? Um, let's see.

I regret I have. And what would I change if I could? God, this is so hard because obviously if I could relive my life story without the parts that were traumatic, painful, and soul-crushing, I would.

And, uh, you know, if I could save or help people I wasn't able to before, I would in a heartbeat. I have regrets in that sense that I wish that none of us ever had to suffer like that. But at the same time, I am who I am now because of those tough experiences.

It's the hardships that really propelled me to seek, reflect, learn, and practice all this self-growth shit, you know? And even with the adversity, I realize now that I also had privilege and friends and a family that took me in. And at the end of the day, I am happier at this exact moment in time than I have ever been.

So no, I don't think that I have any true major life regrets. Although yes, there were some very questionable fashion and hairstyle choices we made in our 90s grade school days that I do very much feel remorse about. Yeah, we can go ahead and count those as major life regrets.

Okay, it's your turn to pick a card. Ooh, you got a wild card. A wild card for my wildcat.

That means you get to make up a question for us to answer. Yeah, anything you want to ask. Go for it.

How long have I been interested in you beyond just friends? Oh man, are you serious? You really want to know? Yeah, yeah, I know I said a long time.

Yes, a very long time. Since the summer before grade four? Yeah, yeah, when we started camping in the tent in your backyard up at your parents' cottage? I mean, we had slept over before at your house, but in that tent, so snuggled up close together like that.

Yeah, that was the first time I started to get, you know, feelings. Yeah, yeah, nine-year-old feelings that grew into 13-year-old feelings over the next four summers. And correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that around the time when we started doing treasure hunts and playing pirates up at your cottage too?

Yeah, yeah, my thing for buccaneers may have started there. Yeah, yeah, in truth, you were my first real crush. Yeah, yeah, those were some great summers, weren't they? Before you left for Ottawa after grade seven? I realize now that those were my first experiences of young love.

Yeah, and then as a teenager and adult, we saw each other only occasionally, but I was still so infatuated and attracted to you. Actually, it was more than that. I was in love with you.

I'm still in love with you. I was in love with you. I'm still in love with you.

But I just couldn't tolerate the thought of you potentially rejecting me. I was pretty messed up then, and figuring out my sexuality and stuff just didn't dare open up about this to you. I convinced myself that I couldn't tell you and had to stay in the closet.

You were sophisticated and classy even back then, and I didn't know yours or your family's opinions about sexual orientation. I had no idea you might be queer too. All I knew was that I couldn't bear losing you and your family if this didn't fit with your community and cultural values and ideals.

I'd already been outcast and experienced rampant homophobia, intolerance and hate from my parents and loads of people in my circle.