The Gift That Keeps On Giving - More Than Meets the Eye, Episode One

Transcript

Yeah, I made sure everybody's gonna be downstairs in the morning for 10, so we can get everything figured out. No, no, no. She's a little scattered right now.

I mean, she's the bride getting married. She's supposed to be scattered. That's why she has me, right? Well, I know I'm not supposed to do everything, but it's kind of part of the maid of honor deal, right?

Yeah. Yeah. So if we all meet downstairs in the lobby for 10, then we can get to the beach for the ceremony in plenty of time.

Well, no, if we, what? I'm not really worried about the bachelorette party. We just came from the bachelorette party.

Why are we talking about this? Yeah, I know. The stripper was, yeah, I saw somebody stuffing some dollar bills in his pants or g-string or whatever was left of them.

So don't, don't give me that. Uh-huh. Yes, we are in paradise.

It is beautiful here, but I have too much to do to worry about that. Strippers aren't really my thing, but yeah, God, you know, I think I've had enough humiliation for a while. First I get dumped two weeks before the wedding, so I get to come down here alone.

And then, you know, you're telling me that I was apparently flirting with a stripper, which I don't think I was, but whatever, I've had a little bit to drink, so it's possible. At least, at least the bride wasn't flirting with the stripper, because I don't want to have to deal with that mess. Mm-hmm.

Just, just meet me- Hold on. Ugh. Who the fuck is at my door at one in the morning? What? I'll call you back, or better yet, meet me in the lobby at ten, and we'll make sure everybody else is there, okay?

All right, goodnight. Um, can I help you? Did we forget to pay you? I'm sorry, um, let me, let me grab my purse.

Uh, okay? Um, sorry, I'm, I had a little bit to drink, my brain's a little fuzzy. If we paid you, why are you at my hotel room door? A little odd.

Do I need to be concerned? What? Gift.

Um, I must have had way more to drink than I thought. Did you just say you're my gift from the bride? What? That doesn't even make sense.

Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. You're here for the night, you think? Okay, that's, um, hmm.

Um, okay, start again. Because I'm about two seconds away from slamming the door in your face. But the rest of me is wanting to find out what's going on and get you in here so I can close the door so nobody else hears this, this farce.

Yeah, we're gonna go with that one. Get in here so nobody else hears this. I don't, I don't need her friends and family hearing that there's a stripper at my door telling me that he's here for the night.

Get, get in here. Okay, okay, okay, start again, start again, start again. She what? She hired you.

For me. For the night. Okay, so I really am officially the biggest loser on the island, aren't I? Wow.

That's, that's fucking fantastic. Well, forgive me. I mean, you're, you're very nice.

Um, physically, obviously. But, mm-hmm. Yeah, we, we had a good time at the, at the bachelorette party, of course.

But, you're, you're. .. Okay.

I need to find my phone and send a quick text and find out what the fuck is going on here because, um, somebody's about to, like, lose their head or something because this is really bad. Okay. Okay, well.

.. Fuck. Apparently you're not lying.

Apparently this is actually a thing. Oh my god, did she really do this? Ah, just add to the humiliation.

This is fantastic. Okay, look, I'm gonna level with you. I don't do strippers, either, you know, literally or otherwise.

Or escorts. It's not my thing. But thanks.

Yeah. Um. ..

Ah, fuck. Oh god, this is absolutely mortifying. What? No, you can't help.

Thank you, though. Don't look at me like that. I really already feel like the biggest loser ever.

You don't need to look at me all like that. Um. ..

Well, I'm trying to figure out why she would do this myself, but if I had to guess, it's because I just got out of a really horrendous relationship a couple weeks ago and was not looking forward to coming down here alone. For a wedding, of all things. And, um.

.. Her approach to things is to get back on the horse. And the horse being you in this situation, I'm guessing.

Oh god. Sorry, that was bad. Fuck.

This just goes from bad to worse, doesn't it? Okay, look. She just wanted me to have a good time.

And I. .. Oh, yeah.

According to her text, she thought that we hit it off at the party, and. .. Yeah, here you are.

So. .. There isn't really anything you can do to help.

You seem very, uh. .. Very nice.

Thank you for that. I'm sure you deal with really pathetic, sad women all the time. Sorry, that was bad too.

Wow, I'm on a roll. Um. ..

If you want me to tell her that you stayed, I will. So you get paid. But you don't have to.

I actually kind of prefer that you don't. Because this is bad enough. Uh.

.. Okay. We can do that, I guess, if you.

.. If you want. Um.

.. Sure. There's, uh.

.. I have a. ..

Hell, she's paying for it, so the minibar's over there. Let's. ..

Let's have a party, I guess. Um. ..

You. .. You don't drink? Well, that makes one of us.

Although I should probably not have any more, because my judgment is already clearly piss-poor in this situation. Um. ..

So, uh. .. I, um.

.. Talk? Okay.

This is fucking surreal. I'm gonna, like, wake up in the morning and think that this was a drunken hallucination. You know that, right? I'm gonna get up in the morning and look at the texts and go, what the fuck actually happened here? So.

.. Just so you know. Okay.

Well, yeah, I mean, if that's the case, I guess I could take a few chances. Um. ..

Are you suggesting that I actually go through with this? Is that what that was? Uh.

.. Okay. Yeah, no pressure.

Um. .. Um.

.. Look, you're being very nice about this. And very sweet.

And you are incredibly hot. I mean. ..

You know that. It's a thing. I never do shit like this.

I'm about as straight-laced as they come. And I've been in the same horrible relationship since, like, birth. So, um.

.. I'm a little out of my depth here. So.

.. The idea that you're being paid to be here is a little unnerving. But at the same time.

.. Wow. I think I've had just enough alcohol that I can justify this.

If you're willing. Because you seem like a decent guy. At least in this context.

And, you know, we'll roll with that. So. ..

Maybe I can unclench. Sorry. That was bad.

Long enough to enjoy my gift. How do I say that that doesn't make you sound. ..

Anyway. Maybe we can give this a shot. Alright.

Alright. I don't even know how to do this. Okay.

Yeah, we can start there. Kissing's good. You do have very nice lips.

I, uh. .. I like that.

Thank you. I'm sure you're paid to say that to everybody, but I appreciate the compliment. That was nice.

Thanks. So. ..

What do we do? Do we just get to it? Why do I feel like Richard Gere here? Yeah.

I don't even know how to do this. Okay. What do I like? Well.

.. I'll tell you what. My experience extends to a very cranky dude who basically falls asleep on top of me when he's done his six thrusts and that's it.

So I have a lot of vibrators and such. So, you know, the whole actual man thing is a little foreign. That sounds really.

.. Wow, this just keeps getting better. Yeah, that was the relationship I was in.

He was quite a bit older than me and I don't know, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I was young and stupid and you've probably heard it a million times. But sex was always very one-sided and very perfunctory.

What I wanted was never really a thing. So I'm out of my depth. Which is probably another reason she hired you.

I'm not going to lie. She figured I'd never figure it out on my own. My friends have so much faith in me, apparently.

Curious. What have I been curious about? Okay, well.

.. That's a great question. Um.

.. Why. ..

Okay. My heart is racing like a million miles an hour right now because I really don't know how to answer that question. It's been such a non-part of my life.

Non-part of my mind. For so long. It's just not something I think about.

If it's just easier not to. So, um. ..

My experience is vibrators and, like I said, six thrusts and done. So pretty much anything that you can do to improve that, I'm in. I'll put it that way.

If you do something I don't like, Alright. Perfect. Okay.

You know what? No, I lied. There is one thing I've always been curious about.

And I did it like a few years. .. Well, too many years ago.

And I've always wanted to, but it was never a thing that was, you know, done in my relationship. You look a little scared. This can't be the first time you've had this type of conversation.

Okay, well that makes me feel a whole lot better. Thank you for that. Yeah, okay.

I'll keep going. Blowjobs. There, I said it.

There's a million shades of red right now. Isn't it? Ugh, I can feel it heating up so bad.

Okay, so blowjobs. I've always wanted to do that and was never well received. Are you a fan? The grin is pretty telling, but I'm going to warn you I'm terrible at it because I don't do it.

Well, I don't know what I would get out of it other than it's hella hot to think about. Vibrator? Ah, I do have one.

Where did I put it? Yeah, it's over here. It's under the pillow on the bed.

Hold on. Here. Okay.

Yeah, I like that idea. That's interesting. Okay, alright, alright.

I can't believe I'm doing this, but yes, I will let you take charge and tell me what to do. Tell me what to do. Take off my dress.

Okay, I can do that. Yeah, just panties. It's really warm down here and I don't typically need a bra.

Thanks. Okay, so stop looking at me like that. Oh, sorry.

Right, you're in charge. My knees. Okay.

There we go. Okay, I will take you out of your pants. Okay.

Wow. Yeah, I knew what it looked like from the party, but not like. ..

Anyway. Wow. Mhm.

Yeah, I have the vibrator. Okay. Spread my legs.

Okay. Put it to my. ..

to my pussy, okay? Got it? Okay.

Now what? Turn it on. Okay.

Alright. Oh my gosh, okay. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah, feels good. Feels really good.

Yeah. Okay. Hold it there.

Got it. It's really sensitive though. Okay.

And now you want me to open my mouth? Okay. Oh.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Oh god, you taste really good. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. How have I not been doing this? Yeah.

Okay, I'll suck the tip. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Oh god. My pussy's on fire.

Fire from the vibrator and from your cock in my mouth. Oh. Mm.

Oh god, you taste so good. Oh, I love the feel of my tongue. So warm.

Mm. So smooth. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Oh.

Oh, that's the back of my head. Okay. Mm.

Mm. Ow. Mm.

Oh, I like it when you put it in deeper like that. Mm-hmm. Mm.

Mm. Mm-hmm. Oh, you're thrusting slowly into my mouth.

Mm, sliding over my tongue. I love it. Oh.

Mm. Mm.