The Best Versions of Ourselves

Transcript

So, tell me again why you have an umbrella? It's barely spinning. Okay.

I mean, be prepared, whatever, but I don't think it's going to get any worse than this. Okay, we'll see. We'll see who's sorry, whether I'm sorry when it starts to pour or whether you're sorry for looking stupid for carrying an umbrella in this.

We'll just see. So the party was good. Yeah, surprise parties are always hit or miss though, you never know, right? Yeah.

I still think it's cute that you're uncomfortable in crowds, especially crowds of our friends even after this long. Come on, you've been hanging out with me how long? I've been dragging you to these things for, I don't even want to think about how long, and you still seem uncomfortable in the crowd.

No, it's not a problem. It's okay. It's charming.

Yes, it's charming. That's what I said. Actually, I think it's pretty great that you don't try to be something you're not just to fit in with those yahoos.

Yeah. Yeah, it is. I mean, you could very easily be something different.

You could try to be loud and obnoxious and get into all the things that they're into just to be slightly more comfortable, but then you'd be uncomfortable in a totally different way. And that's just not you. So you stick to your guns and you know who you are and it's really cool.

Lord knows I'm not that strong. I'm better now than I used to be, but I'm still not that strong. No, that's true.

That's true. I don't pregame and get slightly buzzed before the party, and I certainly don't come home completely shit-faced. It's really nice to be sober going in and sober coming out.

That is definitely a change for the better. Although that is how we met, remember? Oh, man.

Here comes the rain. There's going to be no fucking living with you now. Move over.

You heard me. Well, only one of us has an umbrella and it's starting to really rain, so I'm coming in. There.

Yeah, that is what I said. We met sort of because I was stupid and getting drunk at every possible occasion. Well, I wouldn't put it that way.

Energetic and charismatic is not exactly how I describe myself during that period of my life. Oh, I don't describe myself that way now. I was just chaotic and, I don't know, I had something to prove, I think, and, well, liquid courage was the way to do it.

I just couldn't relax and be me, you know? I just felt like people expected me to be that person, you know? You get drunk at a party once and you entertain everybody because you're an idiot, and then all of a sudden you're that person.

And the only way you're accepted in any of those social situations is if you stay that person. So I was that person. You didn't expect that of me, though.

You were so shy, you didn't expect anything. I could barely get conversation out of you. You just listened like I was actually interesting for something other than my drunken rambles that made everybody laugh.

You made me feel like who I was actually mattered more so than, you know, how dumb I could be when I was shit-faced. Ugh. Why am I even thinking about this? Why are we talking about this? That rain is cold.

It makes me really glad that I didn't have to dress up for this party. Hoodie and jeans? A-okay.

It makes this rain a lot easier to take, I think. Okay, I'm coming in tighter because apparently the rain is coming down semi-sideways. Um, yeah.

Yeah. Well, the night that kind of was my aha moment made me wake the fuck up. That's the night I kind of stopped everything.

Yeah, well, you get into a bar fight, get kicked out, and get completely humiliated in front of your friends? It's kind of a wake-up call. Or at least it should be.

It was for me. We went to that bar all the time, and after that I couldn't show my face there. And what's worse is when I was out in the parking lot with that dumb bitch that picked a fight with me, the group we were with, most of them, just ignored me.

Like they didn't even know who I was. They went back in, they finished their drinks, and they just left me there. It's good to know who your true friends are, right? I was such a screw-up.

Yeah. I was. But you stayed.

Mm-hmm. You did. That was the night we actually became friends, not just acquaintances in the same group.

Yeah, you were the only one that stayed. You made sure I got home and didn't, you know, end up in the parking lot in a puddle of my own puke. Thanks for that, by the way.

Yeah, I remember sitting on the ground, leaning against the side of the building. I was starting to somewhat sober up at that point, and I told you what a fuck-up I was. And I was just mortified.

And you sat beside me, and you took my hand, and you told me that this wasn't who I was. This was just a not-so-great decision. And I remember thinking, yeah, bullshit, he's just trying to get into my pants, because drunk brain isn't all that great in those situations.

But you didn't. You took me home, made sure I got in safely, made sure I was laying on my side in bed so I didn't have an issue overnight, turned out the light and left. And you even texted me the next morning to make sure I was okay.

After that, you made me want to do better. Yeah, you did. Stop it.

Stop it. I'm being all reflective right now, so don't shit on it, okay? Yeah, you did.

When I got that 90 on that exam last week, in a course I never would have taken before, the only reason I signed up for it is because you told me I could do it, and you believed, like actually believed that I could. At 90, I cried. I don't fucking cry, are we kidding? But for some reason, when you told me I could, I believed you.

That night with you was like the turning point that made me want to care about my life again, about more than just being liked at parties. I started giving a shit about school and worrying about what I was going to do after school, and I wanted to accomplish something. I wanted to be something.

Because you actually seemed to think that I could be, that I could actually do something worth doing. Growing up, I never had that. I never had support like that.

I mean, my parents were fucking non-entities growing up. Yeah, I know. I told you that.

What I didn't tell you is my mom bailed when I was like six, so it was just my dad and my brother. And they were kind of ill-equipped to be anything but solitary creatures. My dad just kind of floated in his own world, and I just didn't exist, so nobody gave a shit.

So I stopped giving a shit, and then you gave a shit. It's pretty epic. Damn, this rain is insane.

Like, what the fuck? We can hardly fucking see through it. What? Well, no, you already had your head on straight.

I didn't have to do anything for you. You weren't a fuck-up. I was.

You never told me that. Why is this the first I'm hearing about that? I mean, I knew you were shy, but I didn't know you had confidence issues.

You always seemed to have your shit together to me. Yeah. Dude, I thought you were the one person that knew what the fuck was going on.

Apparently not. Oh. Well, that's good, then.

If helping me through my trainwreck life gave you the confidence to be stronger in yours, then it was win-win, I guess. I mean, because you're kind of killing it now, just being your badass self, so, you know, there's that. This is why we hang out as much as we do, because we're just better when we're with each other.

My dumbass impulses are just significantly lower when you're around. I do less dumb things, what can I say. That's BS.

Don't ever say that again, or I'll kick your ass, and you know I will. Of course you matter. You've always mattered.

Yeah. Why wouldn't you? Dude, you're like the most important person there is.

So, like, stop it. I didn't know you felt like that. I guess we all have those things that we don't tell people about, huh? Yeah.

Wait, really? No, stop for a sec. I don't care, the umbrella's covering most of it.

You really felt like that? You should have said something. I mean, I was a train wreck, yes, but I'm not completely self-centered.

If helping me helped you, then I'm glad, but going forward, talk to me about that shit, okay? I don't ever want you to feel like that. Ever.

That's not cool. No, it's not. And yeah, you are, like, the most important person ever.

Dude, without you I'd probably have, I don't know, gone into a coma from alcohol poisoning or something by now. I certainly wouldn't be gearing up to graduate college. Like, that's not something that would have been within my grasp.

Like, you just make me better. Nobody else can do that. Nobody else makes me even fucking want that.

Like I said, we're good for each other. It's a good thing we hang out as much as we do. Yeah, I'm okay.

Are you okay? That got a little intense. Oh, yeah, it's wet, guys.

There's fucking pouring rain around us. What do you want? Sorry, was that over the line? No.

Guess not. Shh. Shh.

I think it's time we just cut the crap, don't you? Well, there's a reason I've been in my head tonight, and that this conversation happened. You've felt it too, I know you have.

Something just shifted, and it went from just being really good friends to something so huge it damn near swallowed us. When I was looking at that grade on that exam, I just wanted to be in your arms, and kissing you, and laughing with you, and telling you all about it, and then. ..

Well, I'll leave it there, but. .. I'll leave it there, but.

.. You can guess. I want to be with you.

You make me feel like I can be who I'm supposed to be, like I have that capability. Nobody else makes me feel like that. And nobody else even makes me want to be that best version of myself.

Yeah, I'm sure. Let me put it this way. If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't be wearing the girliest set of underwear I could possibly find under my hoodie and jeans.

And I don't do girly, so what does that tell you? Oh, nothing. I was just thinking, I bet you can't beat me home.

Let's see, shall we? I win. I did get here first, so I did win.

Are you gonna unlock the door, or are you just gonna make out with me in the hallway? Okay. It's nice to be out of the rain, because that was awful.

I'm soaked. Okay, whoa. Against the wall? Okay.

Hands above my head, wow. What is happening to you? No, I'm not complaining.

Okay. Hands above my head, wow. What is happening to you? No, I'm not complaining.

I can't move, you know that. That's the point. Okay.

Why do I get the feeling this is gonna be a lot of fun? Oh. What? Yeah, I'm sharp.

I'm not laughing anymore. I want you. Now.