The Apology

Transcript

Uh, hi, I didn't expect for you to answer the phone, well you haven't been answering my texts, so I figured you wouldn't. Yeah. I was just going to leave you a voicemail.

I thought that if you could at least hear my voice, you would know that I was being sincere. So can I? I apologize.

I'm so sorry I hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. I'm never.

.. I didn't mean to. ..

No, it's not okay. You trusted me with your heart and I didn't treat it like the treasure it was. I'm such a fucking idiot.

Who doesn't deserve to have. .. Stop making excuses for me.

I'm a bitch. God, you're such an amazing person. You're too good for this world.

You're too good for me. I want you to say it. I want you to say that I'm a fucking bitch.

Say it. Say it right fucking now. Good.

Good job. Because it's true. You did everything you possibly could to make me happy.

I'm not used to it, you know? I've always been treated like shit or stepped on, so when someone like you comes along, I don't know. I just.

.. I don't know what to do. I feel like I don't deserve it, you know? Another part of me felt like it was a trap in some way.

That this was too good to be true, so it must be wrong somehow, you know? I had hoped that you would fight for me. Look, I'm aware of how fucking immature this is, but when I told you that I thought that we should just be friends, I hoped that you would ask me to stay.

But you just fucking stormed off and stopped talking to me. I don't know what I expected. Yes, I get that.

I get that you are heartbroken. No, no, I didn't expect for you to beg. Like, why would anyone want to be with someone they have to beg to be with them? They should want to stay.

If I had known that we wouldn't stay friends, I never would have fucked you. Yes, seriously. I've got toys for that.

What we had can never be bought. I'm terrified. I'll never find it with anyone else again.

I know. I told you I was crazy. God, I put everything good for me away, or I break it somehow.

Tell me. Tell me. I don't deserve you.

I know. And the fact that I caused you any pain hurts me more than you will ever know. Do you regret talking to me? You really don't? Come on, do you mean that? Yeah.

We did have some good times, didn't we? Oh my god. That was so freaking funny.

I know, right? I miss playing video games with you. Yeah.

No, you're seriously the first person I've ever dated that I could play games with. No, you really are. Everyone else was either super OCD, so they would keep barking orders at me, or they just wanted me to sit in the room and watch them play.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with that. I like watching too. It's just that, you know, they never wanted me to join them.

Even if it was a multiplayer game. But you actually wanted to play with me, and we had fun. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. God, you were always so good at that. What? Oh, nothing.

Just that you were good at other things too. Oh, come on. You already know what your voice does to me.

How just hearing you say my name makes me lightheaded and my stomach hurt. Yes, it still does that. Yes, it still hurts.

Oh, stop it. Please. God, you're making my eyes cross.

Please stop. Do I? Does my voice still make your tic twitch? Yeah, I want to find out.

Okay. Do you remember how I used to trace my nails down your arms and chest while you were lying down on the couch? And I would whisper in your ear, I want you to fuck me so good we wake the neighbors.

Yeah, I did. Oh, that's good to hear. I love that I still have that effect on you.

I miss this. This, that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you want someone more than you want oxygen. Yes, you want me to say, I want you more than I want oxygen, baby.

Is that okay? Is it okay if I call you baby? Okay.

Did I ever tell you that I hear the Zelda treasure chest opening music in my head every time I make you come? God, I fucking love making you happy, Daddy. Yes.

Yes, Daddy. Fucking hell. What? You want me to come over? Right now? I guess we're both fucking masochists.

Are you sure that's what you want? Because I can't guarantee that I won't push you away again, that I won't fuck this up too. Yes, I do want to see you.

I'll be there in 10. I want you to hurt me. I want you to hurt me like I hurt you.

Yes, I'm sure. It's what I deserve. If you love me, you'll do it.

I know you want to. I can see it in your eyes. Yeah, Zelda.

That's my safe word. Yes. Yes, I'm sure.

Smack me. Harder. Yes.

Fuck. Pull it. That's right.

Pull my hair. Harder. Harder.

Yes, daddy. I want to feel what you felt when I told you I just wanted to be friends. That I didn't want to fuck you anymore.

Make me never want to say it again. You want to rip my dress off? Don't fucking ask me to do it.

Just do it. I'm yours. That's right, daddy.

I'm yours. Do whatever you want to me. Yes.

Wrap your hands around my throat and make me never want to say it again. Harder. Yes.

Yes, I'm okay. Don't you get it? I trust you with my fucking life.

Kiss me, please.