Taking the Cake

Transcript

Royal icing! No, this is cream cheese. We always do cream cheese for the red velvet cupcakes.

No, I. .. The cake.

For the Jacobson wedding. They requested royal icing. And is there a point to this disturbance to my peace? I'm trying to decorate here.

We didn't use royal icing. The cake is covered in buttercream. Oh.

Yeah. How the hell does that even happen? Max.

Goddammit, who put his ass in charge of something like this? And it was the day you took off for that stupid little game of yours. Diane called out and options weren't exactly falling into my hands.

Okay, first of all, do not disrespect the institution of the Mets within my earshot ever again. Secondly, it doesn't really matter anyways. Right now we got a cake to re-ice and precious little time to get it done.

Please tell me we still have royal on hand. We used up all we had yesterday for the sugar cookies. Shit.

Language. Mierda. That's not what I.

.. Listen, we can make royal in a jiffy. I'll grab the confectioner's sugar and the meringue powder.

You get the corn syrup and the vanilla paste. Right, okay. Wait, did you just say in a jiffy? Yes.

What, was two shakes of a lamb's tail too cumbersome? Oh, fuck off. Ah, language.

Touché. That's not a swear. Wait, is it? No, I.

.. Look, can we please focus on the task at hand? This is the sort of screw-up that we could lose our jobs over.

Ah, lighten up, pipsqueak. We're the two best bakers on staff here, they wouldn't dare. Must you insist on calling me that? How many times do we have to go over the fact that I've got nearly 23 centimeters on you? Until you learn how to use a proper system of measurement.

Excuse you? The metric system is superior in every way. Yeah, well, while you're on this side of the pond, short stack, stick to inches.

If you insist on using this subpar system of measurement, then will you at least stop using these wildly incorrect nicknames for me? So, if I do it all in metric, I can keep calling you short? You are incorrigible.

Nah, I think I'm plenty corrigible. My corrigibility is legendary, far and wide. Define incorrigible.

What are you, a cop? So, come here often? You know, there is such a thing as letting a conversation die.

Nah, not when you've got such a renowned talk-talk right here. No chit-chats dying on my watch. Would that you would apply that same fervor to your work.

Excuse me? Nothing, nothing. Come on, the icing's done.

We need to get to work. Hold on. Gotta do the QC check.

It's royal icing. We could make this in our sleep. Do you really need to check it? We must not let our confidence be our unmaking, my friend.

We can't let sub-par frosting leave these walls, and in order to ensure that, we must check our work. Do you always require this much justification just to shove some sugar into your gob? I'm hurt that you would imply that this is anything other than due diligence.

Here, do your QC check. We gotta make sure this passes all inspections. Oh please, was brushing your teeth with it not enough? You know the rules.

You make it, you check it. Since when, pray tell, did this become a rule? Since right now.

Come on, open up. Get your hand out of my face. Come on, open up.

Here comes the airplane. Would you stop it with these childish antics? We're in the middle of an emergency.

If the plane doesn't find a place to land, it's gonna crash. Come on. I said stop it.

Would you please just cut it out? Tragic. There were seven children on that flight.

You absolute hooligan. Hooligan? How dare you imply that I'm Irish.

I am 100% authentic- I'm sorry. That was unbecoming of me. We should- Oh, it is so on.

No, I- Come here. Put your fucking face in the thing. Ah, shit! Fuck, I- We need to focus on the cake.

We have to- Oh, shut the fuck up and kiss me. No, no, no, listen. We are covered in icing and the cake is not and we need to fix both of those things and fast.

Well, I can certainly fix the first. Come here. No, please, I- Get your jacket off.

We really shouldn't be doing this. I- I wasn't asking. I hardly see how this is solving the problem.

It's not like you got frosting under my clothing. Unless- Don't you- Oh, would you look at that. Such a messy boy.

Gonna have to clean you up good. Well- What? Clean you up well.

Really? At a time like this? There's never a bad time for proper grammar.

Oh, I am going to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you. I don't- We don't have- Oh, fuck, look at that. Huh? Holy shit, your heart.

If I'd known you look like this under all that, I'd have found an excuse to get you naked ages ago. Flattery will get you nowhere with me. So shut up and get to work.

Heard. That's not what I- Lose the pants. Trousers, I guess.

What? Seriously, we have to- Christ, do I gotta do everything myself? Shit, you got a hell of a cannoli down here.

The hell are you hiding it? Well, they do tend to get bigger when one is aroused. Oh, so you're aroused then, eh? I- Maybe.

Maybe? Oh, you're cute when you're flustered. Shut up.

Just this once, and only because there's something better I could be doing with my mouth. Oh, ha ha, yes indeed, you're very fa- Oh, fucking hell. Holy shit.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Fuck.

God damn it, you taste fucking amazing. You sure that's not just the frosting? No, I think it's more than that.

I'm gonna have to try this another time without the frosting, huh? Is that so, huh? You fucking better believe it.

Is that so, huh? You fucking better believe it. Fuck.

Fuck. Holy shit. Fuck, you are phenomenally good at this.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, hell.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Holy shit. Fuck. Fuck.

Oh, fuck. I just. ..

I don't. .. What? Did I do something? No, it's nothing that you did.

It's just. .. Well.

.. Yeah? I can't.

.. Christ, this is embarrassing. I can't normally, you know, finish with just.

.. You know. Oh, do I? Oh, you're not stupid.

I know you know what I'm getting at. Nope, I don't think I do. Must be a cultural barrier.

I think I'm gonna need you to spell it out for me. You're a real bastard, you know that? Hey, I'll have you know my parents are very happily married, thank you very much.

Fine. I can't normally come with only my cock. Hmm? You know, I might need you to say that again real slow, like.

.. Oh, don't make me say it again, please. All right, pipsqueak.

Oh, Jesus. So, what do you normally do, then, huh? How do you normally get yourself across the goal line? I.

.. drill. You know.

Can't say I do. Gonna need you to show me. Oh, you can't be serious.

As a heart attack, toots. This is fucking bullshit. I can't believe I'm doing this.

Oh, that's a sight that I can certainly get used to. Oh, just shut up. I'm serious.

I mean, I've always thought you were hot. I mean, this. ..

this is art. I. ..

you. .. You are incredibly confusing at times, do you know that? I strive to be confusing in perpetuity.

Now quit yapping and start fingering. Good boy. Now, that's just unfair.

Oh, short stack as a praise kink, eh? Should've seen that coming. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Oh, come on, bud.

You work harder than anyone here. You're always first to present to the boss when you're proud of something. I mean, it's not all that hard to put together.

I. .. I don't appreciate being psychoanalyzed while I finger myself.

Too bad. Now be a good boy for me. Get another finger in there.

Fine. But only because I want to. Don't tell me that you're just going to stand there the whole time watching me in silence.

Oh, come on. It's bad manners to talk during a show. You're not cute when you whine, though.

Oh. .. Oh.

.. Fuckin' hell. I'm gonna lose my fuckin' mind over here.

You know, I don't. .. I don't think I've ever seen you this riled up before.

I don't think I've ever been this riled up. Christ, you look fuckin' amazing. Can you put a third finger? Do you really have that little faith in me? Seeing is believing, sweetheart.

From the man wearing a crucifix. Fair point. Oh, today.

I think I'm gonna worship something else. What, pray tell, do you mean by that- Oi! What the hell are you doing? Going to church.

Now hold still while I slather you up. What are you- Christ, really? You're gonna put more frosting on me? Only so I can lick it off, babes.

Gotta keep you clean. Look at that. God bless.

Fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit.

Fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit.

Fuck, why are you so good at that too? Fuck. What happened? You're not cut out to moan for me, babes.

You can't just order me around- Fuck! Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Oh, fuck. Fuck.

Oh, fuck. Hm. Fuck, fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Oh, ah. Oh, fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Oh, ah. Hm.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ahh. Hm. Hm.

Ah. Ah. Oh.

Oh. Ah. Ah.

Oh. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Ah. Oh.

Ah. Ah. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck, ah. Oh, fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Ah. Ah.

Oh. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Ha.

Oh. Oh. Fuck.

Fuck. Oh. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Ah. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. All right. Ah.

Ah. Oh, fuck, ah. Oh, fuck it.

I wish they could fucking talk to me. Fuck. Oh.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Aw. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Oh.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.