Taking Care of Your Sick Partner

Transcript

Hi babe, um, I know I'm sick and I really need your help, please. I feel so fucking terrible right now, can you like- Do we have- do we still have orange juice? I really need my orange juice right now.

Cause you know, the vitamins. I need the vitamins. Is it vitamin D or C? I forgot.

Hold on, I need to- Wait, so it is C. It is C, right? Okay, good thing you're around cause I literally look like a fucking idiot if I did not know that.

Oh my god, my throat is so sore. Do we have any medicine? Can you- would you mind getting me some, please, babe? Thank you very much.

I'll just wither away while you go get it for me. Thank you. God bless your heart.

So you know, since I'm sick and all, what's today's plans? Are you gonna be my little nurse today? I would appreciate it.

I know I'm not like dying, it's just a cold, but like- I need someone to, you know, feed me. I can't feed myself, like- Do we still have that soup? You know, you know, the chicken noodle soup.

Or beef stew. I love beef- please, babe, can you- Will you make some for me? I bought the stuff for it.

Oh my god, I'm fading away. Help. I'm kidding.

Yeah, but I bought the stuff for it like two days ago, a couple of days ago, I don't remember. Will you make it for me, please? I cannot possibly make it myself, because think about it, if I make it right- If I'm chopping the beef, put carrots in there, potatoes- What if I accidentally get you sick, get my little germs on it?

Then we'll both be sick and we can't possibly take care of each other. Like, maybe, just, please. I'll give you like, two dollars.

I have two dollars in cash. Babe, please. I need your help.

Oh my god, you're literally the worst. Stop complaining, please. I didn't mean to get sick.

It was my coworker at work, she was coughing and hacking, and I was like, I'm not gonna get sick. Three days later, here I am, coughing up my lungs, stuffy nose, sore throat. I'm practically like a freaking zombie right now too, like I cannot keep my eyes open.

I can't keep my eyes open so I can't cook, so can you please make the beef stew for me? Babe, like for dinner or something? For lunch, we can have- What do we have in there? I literally don't know, I literally went shopping the other day.

Oh, you went shopping too? What'd you get us? You got my favorite! I'm so glad you're around.

Oh, goodness. Like, if I didn't have someone to buy the things I meant to buy like four months ago, like, what would I do without you? Okay, so, since you got me lunch, can you make the dinner as well? Babe, how can I possibly make dinner when I'm literally passing away on this couch as we speak? Do you not see me right now? I look like a freaking zombie.

Oh my god. Okay, okay. How about this, how about this? Once I get better, I'll make you dinner, breakfast, and lunch, brunch as well, you know? If I'm feeling crazy, go over the top, maybe? Okay, deal? Shake on it? Good boy, thank you.

So, beef stew for dinner, and until then, can we cuddle on this couch until lunch? Which you will be also making for me. Oh, now you care about being sick? Come on, be so for real.

Oh, now you care about being sick? Come on, be so for real. And when did you suddenly become a freaking germaphobe? You never cared about getting sick.

Oh, today you want to switch it up, I guess, I see. Okay, babe, whatever. So, I'm not getting my cuddles today, is what I'm hearing.

Okay, thanks for literally ruining my day, and my life. I'm kidding. Babe, please, I really need cuddles.

Please. I will use my whiny voice on you if you do not cuddle me right now. And I know you don't like it, come on.

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna be super annoying. Don't- are you- I'm not annoying right now.

Oh my- babe, all I ask for is my freaking dinner, okay? The beef stew. You know I love beef stew, and then when you put a little hot sauce in it, it'll make me feel better.

I think, like, the cayenne pepper and stuff in it. I like it, the hot sauce. I think that makes you feel better, I don't know.

I looked on WebMD one time, and I think it said that. Like, the spices. But I just want dinner, lunch, cuddles, you, on this couch, and then we can watch my favorite TV show.

Fine, we can watch your TV show, whatever. I just want you here, please. Because what if I need, like, more orange juice? What if I need you to spoon-feed me medicine, you know, to make me feel better? Just the bare minimum, please.

I'm not asking for much, I promise. After, you know, after this whole shenanigans, after these shenanigans, I will never ask for anything ever again. I promise.

Thank you so much, sweetheart. You know I appreciate you, right? I appreciate you a bunch.

Sorry if I'm being so annoying right now. Thank you, babe.