Taking Care of Your Sick Boyfriend

Transcript

Pumpkin, Pumpkin, where are you? Good morning. I'm okay.

How did you sleep last night? Mm-hmm. Okay.

Good. Very good. I'm fine.

Just a little tired. Big surprise. I'm okay.

Sorry. Was I, like, tossing and turning the entire time? Okay.

That's good. Yeah. I had a pretty, pretty good dream.

Yeah. You want me to tell you about it? Okay.

Basically, I. .. My throat kind of hurts, actually.

It's okay. It's okay. Basically, I was.

.. I don't even remember half of it, but I think it started with me at, like, a racetrack or something. Like, I was a race car driver.

Like, I looked. .. So, you know the music video for Dope, right? Yeah.

You remember what J-Hope looks like? Yeah. I looked exactly like that.

No, I didn't have the moves, though. I didn't have the moves. Maybe in the dream.

Maybe in the dream, I did. Yeah. So, I was a race car driver, and then.

.. So, we were running. ..

Running? No, we were driving around this lap, and I guess I won? Why am I telling you this? Okay.

So, I'm guessing we won, or I won, because I got off the track and then people started cheering for me, I think. And then you were there, I think. You were wearing something, like.

.. Something. ..

Favorable. Sorry. But yeah.

You were wearing something cool, and you gave me, like, this bottle of champagne and this trophy thing, this massive, massive, massive trophy. And I got it. I grabbed it from you, and I started walking around cheering and putting the trophy up in the air, and people were like, yeah, yeah, you're the man, you're the man, or something like that.

And then I think I just ran up to you, I popped the bottle of champagne, and I probably kissed you. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, I definitely kissed you, for sure.

No, I am not gonna reenact it. Dude, I'm sick. I am so sick.

Can you not see? Do I not sound sick? Okay.

But yes, we must have kissed for, like, 15, 20 seconds, with all the bottles of champagne. I mean, all the champagne flying out, and all that stuff. And it was.

.. It was very good. Um.

.. No, the champagne. No, you were a horrible kisser.

Stop making me laugh. But yeah, that was my dream. And no, nothing else happened after that.

Um, I think after the kiss, I just woke up. Or I must have had another dream that I don't remember about. Or that I don't remember.

Were you taking care of me this entire time? Really? Don't you wanna.

.. Like, don't you wanna rest? Like, go to sleep? It's still, like, pretty early.

Oh my god. Okay. Don't you wanna sleep for a bit more? It's still pretty early.

Um, whatever. It's my job to take care of you. I don't care if I'm sick.

I don't care if I'm bedridden. I do not care. Okay? Like, you know that PSA they give every time you get on a plane? It's like, before you help someone put on their oxygen mask, you put on your oxygen mask first.

Okay? Like, I think I read that somewhere. I don't know.

Okay? That's what I'm trying to say. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You cannot take care of me if you don't take care of yourself. I'm being serious. Like, okay, I get it.

I'm in no shape to be taking care of anyone else. No, no. I think you should sleep.

And I think you should sleep beside me. No, I'm joking. I'm joking.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. All I'm saying is you should rest.

Okay? You should rest. I'm fine.

I'm fine. Are you fine? Actually, I can answer that question.

Oh, you are fine. I'm sorry. I'm trying not to move too much, but I think it's good to, like, move my arms a little bit.

Okay. I'm kind of hungry. Oh, I'm sorry.

What are you doing not in bed with me? Hmm? What are you doing? It's a crime that you, with all your goodness and beauty, how is it that you're not in bed with me? Do you get what I'm trying to say here? Do you get the vibe? Are you catching my drift? It's a shame.

It's a crime. It's a modern crime that you and your. ..

Just. .. Why are you not in bed with me? You know? Let's lie down together and let us heal together.

I did not have anything to drink, okay? I'm just not thinking straight, but. ..

Yeah. Please just come into bed with me. Please? Finally.

What does a man have to do around these parts to get you to just stay in bed with me, you know? I've been. ..

I've been sending you all these signals, and you're just not picking up on them, you know? Yes, yes, come to papa, come to papa. Okay, I'll scoot over, okay? I'll scoot over.

Come on. Come here. Come here.

All is right in the world when I have you in my arms. Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no, I'm sick.

I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick. Wait, you're supposed to be, like, as far as possible away from me. You're sick.

I mean, I'm sick. I don't want you getting sick, okay? Wait, but please don't go.

Don't go. Don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go. Please, please.

Please. I'm gonna cry if you go. I promise I'll be good.

I'll stop whining. I'll stop being sick. Just, please.

How you doing? How you doing? Okay.

What is going on? I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Please keep lying with me. But from, like, a bit of a distance, okay? They have a face mask on.

I think it's here. It's okay? Are you sure? Okay.

Just let me know if you need it. Okay, I know I give up. Come here, come here.

Come here. Come here. Kiss me.

Please. Thank you. Mm.

You know, you make me feel the most loved every single time. Um. Whenever you cook me breakfast.

Whenever you cook me lunch. Whenever you cook me dinner. It's just all so good.

I'm gonna cry because it's so good. Mm. But, come on.

Sometimes I just want to be your male wife. You know? Stop laughing.

I'm being serious. Okay? I'm being serious.

What does a man have to do in this household to do the cooking and cleaning? I don't care. I want to do the cooking and the cleaning sometimes.

You do so much for me. I just want to be a house husband for you from time to time, okay? You do so much for me.

And I feel that I'm not doing enough for you sometimes. I know, I know, I know you're gonna disagree. But you know, how good does it sound to get off of work? Go home all tired and messy and sexy.

And not have to think about what to cook or what to eat. Or how messy the place is gonna be without you caring for it. You know, like I can stay at home.

And I can do all these things for you, pumpkin. All you have to do is ask. You know? And I'll cook, and I'll clean, and I'll give you a massage if you want.

But if you don't want a massage, I won't give you a massage. I'll do anything you want me to do. And that's a mother-heckin' promise.

Okay? So please, can I just be your house husband for like 50 years? I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking.

I have my career woman aspirations. I mean career woman, I mean career man. But in all seriousness though, I really do appreciate all the things that you're doing for me.

Just, I don't know. Like all the things that you do for me. I can't even begin to list everything down.

I've been through some pretty messed up stuff, and I don't know. It's just so nice to not have to think about so many things.