Taking Care of My Hungover Baby

Transcript

Oh, sorry babe. I didn't mean to wake you up. I was uh, I was actually trying to get you a nice little drink to kind of cure that hangover a little bit.

How you feeling? That's why I haven't turned the lights on. Oh, I'm sorry you have a sore head.

Here, let me uh, let me open this up. If you want, you can have a sip. That's okay.

I'll put it off to the side here. Oh, man. I'm surprised you're not immediately throwing up.

You were wild last night. No, no, not in a bad way. It's not like you made an ass of yourself or anything, but you were definitely putting them back.

Oh, you were. You were putting them back like no one's business. Do you not remember the night? Honestly, that makes sense.

I'm just surprised it's not more than a little foggy. Where does it start to get a little choppy? You don't know? Let me see if I can jog your memory a little bit.

You remember that? Okay, so we at least have memories till midnight. What do you remember after that? I'm sorry.

I'm sure my laugh isn't helping. It's definitely a little louder than it needs to be, so I will do my best to keep it down for you. You don't mind? Okay.

Okay, well, then I won't pay too much attention to it, but I'll still try to keep the volume down a little bit. Well, I remember we got to the party and we were a little late. I'm not saying it's your fault.

We know it's my fault. I am seldom on time, but I always show up, so I mean, that's got to be worth something, right? A little bit? Just a teensy-weensy? At least I'm consistent.

No one's ever really surprised. And we socialized a little bit, won a few games of beer pong. Of course, you remember your serves.

I think we started almost every game. You're just, you're just too good at eyes. After that, you weren't done at all.

But that's okay. That's okay. As long as we get to start it off, I'll uh, I'll bring us home the W.

You always get it in when it matters. That's what's important. No, you don't look so good.

No, no, I don't mean it in a mean way. I just mean you look kind of sick. If you're gonna throw up, I put a bucket next to you.

And apparently, Caesars are supposed to be good for hangovers or the day after drinking or, I don't know, something. Chase the dragon, bite the hand that feeds. There's, there's some kind of saying for this.

I don't remember what it is. You know what I'm trying to say. Oh, my poor baby.

My sick, hungover baby. I think I read it somewhere. Why, do you not think Caesars are good for hangovers? Yeah, I feel like if you have something with a small amount of alcohol content, it's like, it's good or it makes it easier.

I'm not, I'm not making this up. At least, I don't think I am. Maybe it was in a show.

Please, am I just quoting Archer? Oh, well, we can look up remedies if, if you want. Okay, come here.

Come cuddle up while I google some stuff. Um, hangover remedies. Okay, pear juice.

We don't have any pears. I can't make this. Drink water.

Well, see, I, I have the water bottle here. I brought it last night. Forced you to drink a bunch.

Do you remember that? Mm, okay. So you remember some stuff.

Well, I had to be annoying. I had to make sure that you had some. It's okay if I'm annoying, as long as it's for your own good.

Yeah, it's, it's, it's a rule. Boyfriend handbook or something. Just trust me.

Whenever you become a boyfriend, they, they give you this book and gives you tips and, well, if there were one, I'm sure it would be in it. Stop. Avoid drinks high in con, congeners, congeners.

Congeners are toxic compounds that appear in alcoholic beverage. Oh, during fermented, this isn't a fermented drink. There's no, there's no whiskey or cognac or tequila or any of those things.

It even says instead go for vodka, gin, and rum. There's vodka in here. So that's, I told you I was onto something.

You got to say it. I was right. I, I, I nailed it.

I was right. Come on. You doubted me.

I need my praise. I need my reassurance. Come on.

Thank you. Oh, so sicky. Oh, so whiny.

No, I'm not making fun of you. I'm not. I think it's cute.

I think it's sweet. It makes me want to hug you. Give you squeezes.

Oh, not too tight, not too tight. I know you're nauseous. My hungover bean.

Move your head down a little. There you go. Yeah.

I'll just wrap around you here and there you go. Rest your head on my chest and I'll just reach around here and rub your tummy. I love your tummy.

Shut up. Shut up. Oh, I love it.

I love it. I love you. And they know it feels better when you have your tummy rubbed.

Especially when you're feeling kind of sick. So let me rub your tummy. Make sure you have some sips of water too, okay? You can lay down for a little bit longer.

And then I got to be annoying again. Whining isn't going to stop me. Nope.

I got to take care of you. Even if you make it hard. I know it's just because you're sick and uncomfortable.

Nope. You're not a nuisance at all. Not a problem at all.

I know I've said this before at some point. Yeah. I enjoy taking care of you when you're sick.

It really does make me happy. I really do think you're super cute. And that goes beyond colts.

It applies to hangovers too. My hungover baby. My hungover honey.

You like that one? Oh yeah. I've definitely come up with words.

My hungover honey. I kind of like it. Am I talking too much? You like it? I'm glad.

Just a little too much? That's okay. I don't mind being a little quieter for you.

But only because you're not feeling well. Then I get to be chatty all over again. You falling back asleep? Can you have a sip of something for me? It doesn't have to be the water.

It can be the Caesar. There's no cog-cognon-cognum. There's none of those in it.

So, it's good for you. Or something. Okay, sit up.

There you go. Okay, sit up. Okay, sit up.

Okay, sit up. Okay, sit up. Okay, sit up.

Okay, sit up. Okay, sit up. Okay, sit up.