❤️🤭 Should We Have S*x? 🤭 ❤️ (F4M) (Roomies to Lovers) (You Come Home Early From a Date) (Dating Sucks) (Kisses to More)

Transcript

Mamma mia, what time do you call this? Unacceptable time arriving home from date and now I am Russian, look what you've done, it's a Italian and a Russian and a. ..

communism. Here it turns, pulls a house, hello. How did it go? Really? You do shock and surprise.

What was wrong with this one? Cause there's always something wrong. She's too short, she's too tall, she's a fascist.

You are so picky. Oh, munchkin. Come park it.

Shonda toosh, Shonda boosh, Shonda couch. No, I was having a little wine and relaxing and I thought, you know what, I'm gonna be a friend, I'm gonna wait up and we can discuss like girly little girlies about how cute this girl is. But you come home at this ridiculously early hour and now I'm not feeling the girly wholesome vibes, I'm feeling disappointment, derangement and acceptance of loneliness.

So, what did you do? Sorry, what did she do? Nothing.

What the heck you mean nothing? Then why didn't you like her? Well, from browsing her profile, she was a woman, she was pretty, she seemed vaguely coherent.

What's not to like? Yes, I want to know. Because you occasionally go outside and I only do that for work.

So, spill. Oh, sweetie. Well, you're not gonna get the friendship spark on the first date.

No, she's all primped and pretty and she wants you to think she's sexy and mysterious. You can't be getting friend vibes this early. And I would know this because I clearly have so much experience being the friend and not the girlfriend, so I don't know what I'm talking about.

It's half my apartment and I'll have a pity party if I want to. You want some? It's really good.

Good boy. Drink away the confusion and sadness. It helps.

Well, that's saturated fats and pornography. But only good pornography, bad pornography is bad. Quality over quantity.

Much like people. I don't know, maybe. Maybe she was just nervous.

Maybe you were nervous. Maybe it's all nerves and please like me, please like me, please like me. Maybe it gets all in the way.

Maybe you should, I don't know, call her, text her. Beat me, tweet me, Kim Kardashian possible me. Yeah, but you know what I mean.

Multiverse cross-references are the future of memes, don't doubt me. Anyway, back to relationships and love and everything that we suck at. Is the friendship part really that important? I mean, I know it's important, I know, I know, I just.

.. When you're first going there, sweetie, it's more about hey and hmm and nah. Well, you want your cake and eat it too.

You want a pretty girl with a nice personality. Can take jokes. Yeah, you are what? It's like me looking for a mentally stable man who doesn't have mommy issues and isn't addicted to Andrew Tate.

We're never gonna find it. No, they do exist. They're just nice and married and gay and in relationships and I hate them.

I don't know, the audacity to be happy and married and. .. Smug, smug motherfuckers.

I hate them, I hate them with me. But we make fun of people so well together, it's our favorite. Mortal life, are you insane? It is the piece de resistance of life.

Mm. French. It seems there's been a murder.

I am hilarious, drunk, sober, passed out, comatose, you name it. And you know what, that's why you stay. Because this apartment sucks and it's so far away from work and yada, da-da-da, da-da-da.

You love it here. Because I'm here and I am your worst half. But I'm also the half you have the most fun with.

Come on. Don't lie to me. Because the truth's uncomfortable, but it's good to feel things, even the uncomfortable things.

Lean on me, lean on me so you know that I love you. Poor baby. It's hard, dating is hard, it's so hard, why didn't nobody tell us how hard it is? Liars.

Big, fat liars. They told us go, grow up, fall in love, fuck you. Fuck you, like it's that easy, like you just.

.. People are strange and complicated and the slightest little sign of incompatibility scares them away. And we are also part of the society, we criticize, that's why we're all sad.

Thank you, thank you very much. Babushka, mamushka. I'm sorry.

I wanted it to go well, I wanted you to be happy. Well, maybe it's time for one of us to be happy, you know? Instead of together and bitchy and laughing.

Laugh with the people because they go out and do things instead of staying inside and being quiet. You'll meet somebody, babushka. Somebody nice and funny and pretty and with a big heart and dark humor.

And fat titties, but we'll see how we go, that's not like a necessity. To quote my mother, any more than a handful is a waste. I was a late bloomer, she was trying to console me, but also, tiny boobs are cute.

And medium to large size ones are great, but they're also a pain in the ass. More specifically, a pain in the back, in the shoulders, and everywhere that involves lifting. Take them, take them.

I don't want them anymore. You have them. But it's all part of my plan, ramble about tangents and side stories and boobs and then he won't be sad anymore.

Baby, you're gonna be okay. Because you will. Because you're nice as spice and cute as boots.

And your hair smells really nice because, oh, wait. Somebody's been using my shampoo. Who could that possibly be? It's okay, it smells good.

Mmm, babushka. The friendship thing will come. Yes, it just takes time.

And patience and vulnerability and intimacy and everything we suck at. But you gotta ask yourself, how much do I really want it? Am I prepared to be uncomfortable and vulnerable? Maybe.

Well, just pretend you're with me next time. Yeah, when you look at her just be like, it's her, it's the goofy one who leaves cereal bowls everywhere. I can laugh at her.

Mm-hmm. Happy to help. Oh, yeah.

Besides, it's not like you've never used me before. Mr. Oh, I'm sorry, that's my girlfriend over there.

No, no, happy to help. I've been creeped out before, too. Not nice.

I wasn't gonna leave you open to predators. I'm happy to be a fake girlfriend. Seems like it's pretty much like being a real girlfriend.

You're there to get them out of trouble and you let them lay on your titties. In exchange, they bring you food and make you cum. Seems like a good trade.

This is the greatest trade deal in the history of Trina. You don't like the Trump? Well, I could be Hillary if you want.

I'd be happy to talk about the last 30 years.