SFW Version - All You Have To Do Is Ask

Transcript

Okay, there's nobody out here. Come out here, please. I can't believe this.

No. It's the first time I've taken you to one of these events, these important events, and you've decided to have that much champagne so that you're swaying on your feet when you're talking to my colleagues. What the hell? Yeah, I understand how nerve-wracking these things can be, but I thought we talked about this and I thought you were okay with it.

I didn't realize you were going to get drunk at the fucking party. Okay, look, why don't you just go home then? I'll call you later.

Yeah, I am serious. I can't have you stumbling around in there. No, I can't.

Do you know how that looks for me? These are the people I work with every day. My superiors are in there.

And in case you hadn't noticed from the black tie dress and, you know, the waiters walking around with hors d'oeuvres trays and all of the jewels and all of the fancy music, it's a pretty uptight crowd. No, I am not embarrassed to have you here. Of course not.

If I was, I wouldn't have invited you. I am, however, a little disappointed that you decided to have that much champagne and are now swaying on your feet. Okay, you're not out of place.

You fit into that room just like everybody else. I've been watching you carry on these conversations with people that you've never met in a world that you don't think you belong in. And you're doing so well.

So I don't understand the problem. Different. We're not that different.

No, you're going to have to clue me in because it's not that obvious to me. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.

Okay. Calm down. Stop.

Stop. I don't understand. This is who I've always been.

There's nothing different. This is the world that I've existed in since we got together. You knew that.

You've seen this before. Why all of a sudden is this a problem? And by the way, the people I work with and the world I work in don't define who I am as a person.

And who you work with and what you do doesn't define you either. What? So what? Okay, so we were raised differently.

Does that matter? I wasn't aware I was dating your family and vice versa. Okay.

Okay. We are not having this conversation while you are bordering on drunk. What? How long have you felt this way? Because this isn't a new development, is it? The champagne is just loosening your tongue.

Well, yeah, I do think this can work long term, otherwise I wouldn't be putting in the effort. Okay, if you don't want to come to these things anymore, you don't have to. I can go alone or bring somebody else.

It's not a big deal. It's not? You think I like being in that room? You think I like dressing up like this, wearing these stupid outfits? I mean, I have to wear uptight shit all week.

You think I want to do it on the weekends too? No. Just because this is what I do for a living does not mean that that's my entire personality and I thought you of all people would know that.

I'm uptight? How am I uptight? Okay, whoa, that's not fair.

That's not fair. Just because I like my apartment clean doesn't mean I'm uptight. Okay.

I, I, yeah, I do like structure and I do like order to things. That's just who I am. I thought you knew that.

It's kind of how we work, because we balance each other out. Isn't that the point? Okay.

No. No, I'm not okay with what you're saying right now, because it sounds like you're trying to break up with me on the balcony of this very fancy party for my work people. While you've had too much to drink.

And you're having trouble even focusing on my face right now. So I'm going to pretend this conversation isn't happening. And if you'd still like to have it tomorrow when you're sober and hopefully not hungover, we can do that.

For right now. I'm going to get you some coffee. And maybe some water.

And try to sober you up so that you can enjoy the rest of the night without, you know, throwing up in a bush or something. Oh, you're not that drunk. I'm not that drunk.

I'm not that drunk. I'm not that drunk. I'm not that drunk.

I'm not that drunk. Oh, you're not that drunk. Okay.

I know I'm not as carefree and as wild and as adventurous as you'd sometimes like me to be, but I'm working on it. It's one of the things I love about being with you is you bring me out of my shell. You make me want to try new things.

That's how relationships work. We bring out those things in each other. I mean, there's a reason we can see the floor of your apartment now.

And a reason that you don't mind spending time there now. Right? It goes both ways.

It goes both ways. And by the way, that was not my idea. You asked me to help.

So, just, I didn't force that on you. Okay, wow. Didn't expect that.

The sex is boring? First of all, not the venue for this conversation. You really have had too much to drink.

And second of all, how is the sex boring? Uh, if I remember correctly, you couldn't have even gotten out of the bed the other night if you had tried. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Okay. Well, isn't that where people have sex is in beds? Oh? Oh? Really? Well, that's interesting.

I wasn't aware that was something that you wanted. You don't. You do.

Okay, I'm confused. I think you are too. Mm-hmm.

You want a more adventurous sex life. Okay, what are we talking here? Since we're going to have this conversation anyway, and since, thank God, the music is loud enough, I don't think they can hear us.

Spontaneity. I do not schedule sex into my day planner. That is not true.

No, it's not. I do not. That's ridiculous.

I do not plan out my moves. Oh my God. I just know what works for you, and of course that's what I'm going to do, because that's important.

Making sure you have a good time. Yes, I can say the words, but I'm not going to, because there's a possibility that people I work with could come out here at any moment, and I don't want them to hear me talking like that. Is that a problem? So, because I know when to moderate myself, that's an issue? I do so take risks.

I do. I take risks all the time. Well, I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but you've put me on the spot, so no, I can't.

You've put me on the spot, so no, I can't. I don't need to plan to talk about when I take risks. Oh my God, okay.

This just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? Okay, you know what? That's the issue.

I don't take risks. I'm not spontaneous. I'm apparently not wild enough for you.

I'm too boring. Did you just say vanilla? Okay, I'm not a fucking cupcake.

Oh, I am. Nice. Very nice.

We've been together for how many months now? And this is the first you're deciding to mention this. Okay.

All right. You know what? Fuck it.

What do you think I'm doing? I'm kissing you. Shut up.

What do you think I'm doing? I'm kissing you. Shut up.

Well, you wanted spontaneous. I think sex on the balcony here outside the party is pretty fucking spontaneous, don't you? Yeah.