Ready to Be Raw with the Right Person

Transcript

So then I told her it wasn't my job to babysit her project and if she couldn't get her work done, maybe she should ask for help before the day it was due. Like, honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm working with high schoolers or something. No.

No. No, I didn't end up actually helping. I went and got my own work done.

And I had those three big projects due and the bosses were breathing down my neck and as much as I feel for her, because I get it, the overwhelm sometimes, and she's still relatively new, I just, I didn't have the capacity for it. Like, yeah, yeah. Last I heard, she sort of talked to the management team and they arranged something for her, I believe.

I kind of zoned out because I had my own stuff going on, but yeah, it was just, oh, super stressful. And of course, I feel like a jerk for saying, no, I can't help you because I have my own stuff to do. Like, that's not generally how I roll, but oh my gosh.

Do we have everything? Yeah. I always feel when I'm packing this bag, like I'm forgetting something.

Well, it's the beach. It's not like you can just go and get stuff, you know? I mean, they have the little shop thing there, but it's not.

Anyway, you get it. Okay, hold on. I got to do the checklist here.

And why are you not being helpful? You're just sitting there watching me running around throwing crap in a bag. Anyway, okay.

Sunscreen, bug spray, towels. I grabbed the really long ones, the ones that you like, because it's just, I can't handle the short ones anymore. No, right? Once you go to these big fluffy ones, you just can't go back.

So I grabbed those, made sure they were clean. Right. Don't let me forget to put the folding chairs in my car.

They're in their bag things, but they're not in the car yet. Good call. Remember that.

That's your job. Okay. Water.

The cooler is packed. It's at the door. Okay.

That's like the 40th thing I'm doing. Okay. That's like the 40th time you've just kind of zoned out on me.

What's going on? Well, we're getting ready to go to the beach. We're going to have an epic day, and you look like you're getting ready to go to the dentist, which I'm trying not to take personally.

Yeah, because our beach trips are the highlight of our summers. Yeah. We look forward to these all winter, and now that the weather's nice enough and it's hot enough that we can actually freaking swim, we're going, and you're not happy.

You should be happy. What's going on? Don't tell me it's.

.. I hate it when you do this. Don't tell me it's nothing.

No. No, because I know you. Yeah.

I've been your best friend for. .. Well, we won't go there, but it's been a long time, and I know when you're not okay, and you're clearly not okay.

No, you're not. So, you can either tell me now, and we can deal with it before we go, or you can continue to be like a big, ugly rain cloud looming over our beach day, which, you know how I feel about clouds getting in the way of my sun? Yeah, because even though I'm slathered with SPF 60, I still like me some sunshine.

See, that didn't even make you laugh. I sounded completely ridiculous, and you're stone-faced. What is going on? Wow.

Okay. I'm not entirely sure what I was thinking was going to happen here, but that was not it. What the hell? When did that happen? I don't know.

What the hell? When did that happen? Dude.

Why have you been letting me prattle on about freaking going to the beach, and chairs, and sunscreen? What? You just.

.. Oh, God. You just ended your, like, year-plus-long relationship, and you have been here, what, two hours, and you're just telling me now?

And it was, like, days ago? Bruh. We need to talk about this.

What? Okay. Scoot over.

What the hell? Well, you. ..

Pardon my shock, but I just saw you guys together, like, what, two weeks ago? And you seem to be in such a good place. Yeah, it was a little sickening, actually.

So, what the hell? What happened? Okay.

Okay, now I'm more confused. If you were in a good place, then why the hell did you break up? This is going to go a lot better if you stop being cryptic.

What do you mean, different things? Wasn't this, like, the perfect girl for you? Like, she was kind of strangely, weirdly perfect for you.

So, what the hell? Oh, okay. Without going into too much detail, what do you mean by incompatible in the bedroom? Okay, you can't just get embarrassed on me now.

I mean, you brought it up. People have problems with sex. It's a thing.

And if you can't talk about this with me, who can you talk about it with? You kind of look like you need to talk or you're going to explode. So, why don't you save us both some time and trouble and just tell me what's going on? What happened? What? Okay.

Are we even in the same conversation here? Two seconds ago, we were talking about your breakup and not being compatible in the bedroom, and now you're asking me my opinion of condoms. First of all, I didn't realize that this was, like, an opinion survey that you were running.

And second of all, what? You're all over the map today, dude. What the hell? Okay.

Yeah, fine. I'll answer the question. Condoms.

Weird. I don't know. They serve their purpose, I guess.

Is there context behind that question? Or are you just trying to throw me off the scent of your breakup and your comment? Fine.

Okay. Condoms. Not a fan, generally, if I can help it.

But, I mean, that's, like, long-term, been with somebody for a long time, trust them completely, know everything's good, covered for certain things in other ways kind of stuff. But, like, new relationship, one night stand, not certain if my partner's being faithful. Condoms are a must.

So, it's kind of situational. Is that what you're looking for? Okay.

So, okay. My brain just caught up. Did your incompatibility in the bedroom have something to do with condoms? Please tell me you were not pressuring her to not use them.

Okay, good. I didn't think you were that guy, but, fuck, I don't know. Oh.

Well, that's a twist. She didn't want to use them. Okay.

All right. And you were not comfortable with that, clearly. Well, no, I'm not laughing anymore.

That's not funny. That's a boundary issue. So, what brought that on? Like, what happened there? Okay.

So, she wanted more intimacy between you by having sex without a condom. And she was on birth control of some sort, right? Okay.

All right. So, she'd taken care of that. You're not turning into, like, a commitment phobe on me here, are you? Okay, it's not that.

Good. Well, if you wanted the same intimacy as her, then what's, what was the problem? No, I'm not going to bust your balls about it.

I actually want to know, because I can tell this is something you're struggling with. I mean, you ended a long-term relationship with somebody you cared very deeply for, because of this. So, this is clearly something.

Did you try without the condom? You did. And what did you think? Well, yeah, it does feel pretty fucking fantastic.

So, what happened? Hmm. Chronic overthinker.

I hear you. I, oof. You know me.

I'm in that boat with you. In fact, I'm probably leading the charge. Yeah, I know I'm mixed.

Shut up. Anyway, so, hmm. So, when it came time to, uh-huh, your mind got in the way.

What ifs? Yeah, I hear you. What were the concerns? Really? Did you think your girlfriend had those? Okay.

Rational brain was not part of the equation. Got it. Yeah, birth control's not always 100% accurate.

But, I mean, there are other methods and other things that can be done. Mm-hmm. Well, it sounds like she was pretty thorough.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I don't know.

I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I don't know.

Mm-hmm. Well, it sounds like she was pretty thorough. So, okay.

No, that's fair. So, that kind of killed the mood, huh? Yeah, it would.

I mean, that's, yeah. Sorry, I'm not laughing. I'm just, I don't really know what to do with this right now.

Oh, I bet she got pissed. I bet she did. You know what that sounds like, right? It's not you, it's me.

Like, that's not gonna fly. Dude, that's not gonna fly. And it didn't, did it? No.

Okay, so. So, then what happened? Okay, you tried again.

How many times? Oh, okay. Well, that's a lot.

And every time it was the same thing? Worse. Okay.

Dude, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry this is what you're dealing with. Well, yeah, I don't blame you for just stopping.

Just not attempting to have sex. Because that's a horrible feeling for both of you. No, it's not the kind of thing you could just talk about with people.

Like, even me, I can see. I mean, you're talking about it now, but at the time, no. Yeah.

Yeah, it would be the end. I can see that. Her decision or yours? Yours? Okay.

Didn't see that coming. Why? See, dude, this is why you're epic.

Because you knew it wasn't fair to her, so you didn't have to do it. And you didn't have to do it, because you knew it wasn't fair to her. Dude, this is why you're epic.

Because you knew it wasn't fair to her, so you weren't going to just keep pushing. Oh, man. That sucks.

That sucks. So now what? Okay.

Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop.

Stop. No. Listen to me.

Listen to me, okay? This is not a problem that means there's something wrong with you. No.

No! We all have quirks. We all have things, right? This is just one of yours.

And the next woman that you're with might feel the same way about condoms that you do, right? You don't know. That doesn't mean just because you were incompatible in that way with her doesn't mean all That doesn't mean just because you were incompatible in that way with her doesn't mean all women are that way.

That's why you asked me. I am not all women. Like, I'm not all of us.

I don't speak for the group, okay? I have my preferences, and other women have theirs. That doesn't mean that they're all going to feel like that.

Okay, the internet is a fucking cesspool. Like, why are you researching this? Bruh.

Okay. Well, now you are going to sabotage yourself in future relationships because that's your mindset. You're worried about this now, so you're going to.

Okay, okay. So, how can I help? Can you work on it? Like, I don't know.

Somehow work on the self-talk that comes with that? Well, they have pretty realistic dolls. Like, the full-size ones.

They're kind of expensive, but it might be worth it. Okay, chill. Well, I just thought that if you could get comfortable thinking that that's a real woman and get through the self-talk with that, then maybe with an actual woman it might be easier.

No? Okay. We'll put that idea aside then, because clearly you don't like it.

Well, it's not like it's something you can practice with. You're not exactly in a long-term relationship right now. Although.

.. Okay. Have you ever had sex without a condom? Like, ever? No? Fair.

Paranoia will do that. Yeah, well, it does take a lot of trust. It does take the ability to know that somebody isn't lying to you about their medical history.

It takes a lot of trust to know that they're not lying to you about contraceptives and other methods. Well. ..

What about me? Okay. Thank you for that.

The horrified look is so flattering right now. I'm gonna try not to take that personally, too. There's a lot of that going around today.

Well, we could work on it. I have the parts necessary. And you know I'm on birth control because you're.

..