Podcast Sfw

Transcript

Hey there, I hope everyone has had a great day. This is a little piece more about me, who I am, from the young poet I was to the erotic writer and of course builder I am now. As some of you would have heard before, the poetry started when I was around nine years old.

I was dyslexic at school and I'll be honest, even to this day, I've not read more than Mr. Man Books or instruction manuals. I can read, but anything more than four or five pages, it really just doesn't sink in and so I remember coming home one day from school and a movie was on from Disney.

Like, I absolutely loved Disney. It was Aristocats and I loved it from the beginning to the end. If you haven't seen it or know what it is, it's basically this duchess and kittens live with this very old rich lady and she wants to leave her entire estate to them and the butler doesn't like that so he tries to get rid of them.

He takes them to a bank to put them in a bag and chucks them in the river. Thankfully for the cats, there is this O'Malley cat, which is basically an alley cat and all of his comrades and throughout the movie they have fun. Duchess falls for O'Malley and O'Malley in reverse.

There was this one scene where they're in this abandoned house and down below they're playing music and it's proper jamming, but above the duchess is sitting on the rooftop and she's looking out at the stars in the midst of her owner and living in her house, wondering if she ever get back there and O'Malley walks out. As he talks to her, he looks into her eyes and the star light reflects and her eyes sparkle and he turns to her and says, Wow Duchess, your eyes, they sparkle like diamonds in the night. Something along those lines and at that moment, I don't know what it was and still to this day I have no idea, something clicked in me.

It made me want to write a poem or along those lines. So I went out to my room, I got a pen and paper, started writing these things out and with poetry, I always saw poetry as rhymes, like I never understood how it doesn't rhyme, is it more of a sentence, a story, but I can understand its emotion in words, but in a way to me, it always has to rhyme. So I found a technique where I would write the first sentence or line and then the end of that word, or the word at the end, I would have to rhyme for the next one.

I would then write the alphabet on a bit of paper and I would start writing the second line and then when it come to the end, I would go through the alphabet looking for words that rhyme with the line above. It become very natural and very simple for me. I remember there would be days where I'd wake up in the morning, I'd have this just inspiration to write and even when I write erotica now, it's already in my head, the whole thing.

I don't get a block, I just see what I'd like to do or what I have done in the past. I write from experience and from fantasy, whether that fantasy comes from movies and other inspirational parts of your life. But anyway, I wrote my first poem.

It was called About You and I don't have it to hand right now, but when I find it, I will recite it for you, just so you know what it was. But anyway, so I wrote the very first one and the next day I went into school and I placed it in a girl's drawer, someone I quite liked and she was very pretty, she was liked by all the boys and I sat there on my desk and I was looking over as she walked her drawer and she opened it and she looked very curiously at what that bit of paper was and she picked it out and she opened it and she read it and still to this day I can picture her. Her face crinkled up, her eyes open wide as she read each word and she had the biggest of smiles on her face and she looked around the whole classroom and as she looked at me, I quickly darted my eyes and she slowly walked over to me.

I turned to face someone else and started talking to them and their eyes darted to just behind me as she walked up and she said, Anthony, did you write this? I turned around and I must have had the reddest of faces. I was shy to say the least.

I turned around and I said, I did, yes. Did you like it? And she didn't say anything, she took a step forward and she looked directly back at me and I felt my heart beating through my chest so hard.

I didn't know what I was going to do and then before I could think about it, she wrapped her arms around me and she said, that is the sweetest thing I have ever read. That's the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me. And as she pulled away, she gave me a kiss on the cheek and I remember my whole body just went into shivers, goosebumps, you name it, everything.

And that was the moment, that was the moment I knew that that was what I was meant to do. So from that day on, I mean bearing in mind I was nine years old, it wasn't like it was Romeo and Juliet love that was gonna last forever, it was never meant to be that way. But it opened my eyes to a whole new world, to have feelings that I never knew existed.

And that's what it's all about a lot of the time, if you think about when we lose our virginity, when we have our first kiss with certain people etc, you don't know what it is until you've experienced it. It's a feeling that just like a craving, you know it's been there before, you know what you want, you know what you like and throughout life you're gonna get better ones, you're gonna get worse ones, hopefully more better than worse. But that was the moment and after that, let's just say this girl was rather popular at school and she went back to her girlfriends and she started talking about it and then the whole school would know about it.

So it wasn't long before I was known as the romantic and in school you had people like the skaters, you had the hard boys that no one mess with, thankfully my cousin was one of those. You had sports people, footballers etc. I was in that kind of category as well and you had the intelligent boys and nerds if you want to call them that.

Yeah and the popular boys and girls obviously but for me I wasn't really a standout person until that very moment and that was the moment where I became popular. Everyone wanted the romance, like there was times in class where the boys would have these Max Power magazines, I don't even know if Max Power is still going now, but they'd be opening them up as well as page three on like the Sun and they'd be talking about the breasts and all that stuff. And I remember this one point, this girl Samantha, she turned to me and she said, Anson you don't like all this boobs and stuff in Max Power do you?

You're not into that surely? And I looked at her and smiled and said no of course not. That to me is fantasy, that to me is a dream.

But why would I look at that when I have you in front of me? And she giggled like they do in the movies, that little time school girl giggle. And she walked off or kind of like ran off to her girlfriends.

And I'll be honest, it wasn't good for me because that saying when I say with power comes great responsibility, I started using it for bad bad things. I would put love notes in girls drawers, I would say sweet romantic things, I would get kisses from them. There was even this time, we'd be in a playground and that'd be me, my cousin, that'd be a couple of others, well known.

One was a footballer and the other one was probably another hard boy. I won't name names for obvious reasons but we stand in the corner of the playground and there'd be a lineup of girls. They'd basically ask us to pick who we'd want to hold hands in the playground with, who we'd want to eat in the cafeteria with.

Almost be like a girlfriend for a day or a week or whatever. The interesting thing for my cousin was, he was pretty much in a relationship the whole way through junior school with a girl. Although he did kind of cheat on her occasionally for someone who thankfully now he's ended up marrying.

Sometimes feelings have a funny way of showing it and he spent his whole early childhood trying to push this girl away. She was a little bit crazy to be fair but as they grew older he kind of stayed on a steady path but she grew. She changed her ways completely and he ended up falling for her and luckily for him she was still besotted with him even though she probably shouldn't have been the way that he treated her.

But you know that's the way things go. You can't choose who you fall for. You can't feel an attraction to someone that you just don't have it with.

I mean if it was that easy, if it was something like that then God would the world be a better place. Arranged marriages and stuff like that. Pretty simple to just, yeah I love you.

Whereas sometimes we hide deep down how we really truly feel. But anyway that's the story. I became obsessed with it.

I was loving the fact that girls were interested in me and very interested. I probably went through so many like schoolhood girlfriends and back to them again as well. There was a story on here about the Facebook ex and we spent quite a few times during our junior school years as a girlfriend and boyfriend and at that age it was more kissing, holding hands.

But there was obviously a few other girls and there was some girls that were very mature and wanted to go further from a very young age. And in some ways that made us as boys and girls experiment more. I think in this day and age now people are having sex a lot younger than the obviously legal age of 16.

But with temptation and so much going on it can be kind of understood. I mean the world's full of negativity. Cancer, COVID, all that stuff, negative reinforcement.

It kind of gets people to follow in line. But there's a lot of temptation. There's a lot of sexual frustration out there.

It can do very bad things to people, especially young boys. But going off topic again, I literally started to manipulate a woman's mind into believing I had feelings for them and making them feel things for me as well. I studied girls endlessly.

How they react to certain words, when you talk to them, what their reactions are, what their replies are. Knowing what someone really likes and in honesty not always being fully open with them. More letting them know exactly what I wished for them to know.

And gradually as time goes on to show them more. And in a sense it gives that feeling that you're getting closer to them. So they feel like they're getting closer to you.

So feelings will start to grow in that sense. As well as having conversations that can be sometimes quite awkward. I like to talk about sex a lot.

Very awkward conversations that you would have from the very first few conversations. Because in your mind you would only have those conversations with someone you truly are comfortable with. And it can make you feel comfortable very quickly.

But again, back in my younger days I was a real arsehole. For instance me and my friend, my best friend at the time. We would spend some nights playing computer games mainly.

But we'd go online and we'd chat to girls on MSN or like an old social media platform called Bebo. And we'd play a game who can get who to say I love you first. I look back and I feel really bad about it.

Strangely enough though, the very first time we played it, we played it with two girls from Manchester. They were best friends too. Obviously I won the bet.

I looked more romantic than my best friend. Words of poetry and saying the right thing. But the strange thing is, is that, well not the strange thing really, is I literally just had that word and I kind of lost interest.

For me it was more of a game of competition. My best friend however, he never lost contact with the girl he was talking to. And I'm talking back when we was 11, 12 years old.

And spoiler alert, he actually married that girl. They were speaking together for years and years and years. He went through countless relationships.

Annoyingly, he used words and things that I did for his own personal gain. He cheated on women. He had multiple kids with multiple women as well.

And yeah, it wasn't great. But I can say that I was an arsehole as well. I manipulated women, girls, women.

I made them feel things. I made them think that I felt things for them that I'm not proud of. But in a certain way, it was almost like a warm-up for now being someone that writes erotica, who loves to tease.

I mean, if I did what I do now back when I was 14, 15, 16, even my early 20s, I think I would have been an absolute dick. And I hate to say it, I probably would have had kids by now too, without really wanting to. But it made me who I am.

It made me mature. It made me realise that mental health is such a big issue that you have to be careful what you say, what you do. And that's just kind of the first stepping stone to where I come.

But the real issue is that saying, with power comes responsibility. Mental health is a big part of that. When you're popular, when you're famous, when you've got so much attention, whether it's likes on Instagram, Twitter, whatever, you're famous, 100,000 followers, all these different things.

It's a constant. For instance, if you have to post 100 things a day to get to 100,000 followers, do you think that you can stop doing that? 100 posts a day? You might be able to make it a little bit less, but that is your life.

If you want to spend every single day of your life cataloguing exactly what you do to be popular, and do you really think that you can just stop that? You can't. It's an ongoing thing.

So if you feel that you can do this forever, then good for you. Well done. But sometimes you just want to live and not catalogue everything for the rest of the world.

For instance, I dated an Instagram model. I dated a tennis player. I also dated someone that was in a movie called Adulthood.

That's just free off the bat, like a name to mind. And it was crazy, like constantly. I mean, Instagram model, for instance, she made me take hundreds of pictures, like one picture was fine.

Even 20 pictures was fine because all of them, she looked so hot. But every time I took a picture and then showed her, it was just like, oh, but this doesn't look right. This doesn't look right.

And this is the problem. Everyone is searching for that perfection when nothing is right. And then if they post it, it doesn't get likes or it doesn't get a hundred or so likes, then they naturally just want to almost curl up or take another picture or use filters and fake things and all this stuff.

And unfortunately, that's just the way, the way it is. Good looks, unfortunately, will get you everywhere. But that is what it is.

And the movie star was very similar. It was a constant thing. She would need to go off and do stuff.

She'd have people messaging her online like this, that or other. And we'd be watching a movie and then it'd be like a phone call and she'd be gone for like half hour or watching a movie and someone messaged her on Instagram. So many different things and it kind of distracts you from your actual life.

The tennis player was slightly different. Her dad was super crazy. He was her coach as well and he would not let us do anything.

Yeah, he was super strict. It was training all the time. In a certain sense as well, I feel like I'm a bit of a hypocrite because a lot of my relationships have had issues because of my job.

Like I'm a multi-trade builder. I work for myself as a company. I've always struggled to say no.

So anytime I get asked to do a job, I feel like I have to say yes. I'm a people pleaser. I like to just help everyone I can.

But you do learn as you get older that there's more important things than work and there's more important things than making other people happy. When someone else can do exactly what you do, maybe not as good as you. I mean everyone really pushes to have me do the jobs and stuff like that because I'm me.

That's not me really being headed but it's just the fact that nothing really is ever good enough. Even the stuff I do, it literally is just okay and there's always room for improvement. But it's just because say there is more important things and I think COVID helped us realize that as well.

The fact that life is so short. I mean what is it if we've worked 36 years, how old I am, for our life and maybe you own a home, you've got a mortgage, all these different things. Constantly under pressure of money and stress.

Maybe a family as well that's even more stressful. Where's the life? What are you living for? If you die tomorrow, are you really happy with what you've achieved? Who you are? If I die tomorrow, I will be missed.

I know that. I'll be missed because I'm seen to everyone as being a good guy. I will do anything for everyone.

Anything to make anyone happy and that does make me happy. But what are you really known for? If you pass away, yes people will miss you.

People will miss being able to rely on you but that will fade because they'll find someone else to rely on. I'm no fool. I'm not God.

I'm not someone that can't be replaced. It might take some time but people will forget. But it's the people you really touch in life that you make real changes for.

And that's something I'm proud of. When I say I'll do anything for anyone, I want to give anyone I can a better life than they have. If they need help, I will always be there.

But like I say, it's a balancing act. I've told myself countless of times, no more working weekends, no more working to the bone, no more working 40-50 days straight. I've had relationships that have literally fallen down.

I've had so many arguments over the fact that I work too much. I can't do this, I can't do that because I have work. So yeah, that's one thing to kind of learn from that.

But anyway, getting back to where I was on the poetry and stuff like that, basically around, I think I was around about 18 maybe, I met this woman and she was very, I met this woman and she was very mature. She was really sexy. She had quite a wild side as well.

And when I say I was romantic, I would send morning messages to say, good morning, how are you? I can't stop thinking about you. I would constantly message to say stuff.

She would send pictures. I'd say she's beautiful. If we went out for a movie or for food, I would always ask her what she wanted to see.

I'd never really make a decision. I think that bugged her in the end. She said to me, once I remember, and this was a change point for me, she said, I'm too nice.

And in me, that point, I got a little bit angry, I'm very competitive. So the poetry took a little bit of a backseat, but we were still seeing each other, by the way, this wasn't like she was breaking up with me. She kind of said that, why can't you be a bit more like your sex? Because the sex was sensual.

It got slowly building up and eventually towards the end of every session, it was aggressive, it was hard, as hard as she could or they could handle. But yeah, veering off on that one. But at that point, something inside of me again, twitched.

And I was like, okay, I went home that night. And I was thinking to myself, what can I do? Where does this go? Why am I so nice? What can I do to change people's perception? It wasn't, I'm going to change what I wear.

I wasn't going to get some tattoos and do my hair, and rip my t-shirts and all these different things. I had this crazy idea. How about some sexy poetry? How about some erotic poetry? So I wrote my first erotic poem.

And it was an erotic poem about a dream. I was basically dreaming about you. And every detailed act was in there.

Now, to be honest, it's very hard to write an erotic poem and make it rhyme and actually make kind of sense. But it worked. And the outcome was extremely good.

Like, if I thought writing poetry had power, my God, the erotic poetry that I first started to come out with. Women never had anything like it before. They read it, and they'd get instantly horny.

Some would offer me around literally after reading it. Some would say, do you practice what you preach? Are you as good as that? Is it fantasy or is it reality? And the truth is, the reason why I'm good at sex, it's not because I'm well endowed.

It's not because I'm built. It's not because I pound like a jackhammer. It's because of everything.

It's how you conduct yourself. It's how you connect with someone, how open you are. Every touch is electric.

It's just giving in to that feeling. You know, when you listen to music and you just literally let your body lose control, every dance movement, every bass, you just jolt. Your head moves, your arms move, your legs move.

You feel so much energy that you just don't know if you're ever going to stop until the music stops. That's what it should be like. It should be like that.

Just let yourself go. Just lose yourself. And also pay attention.

Look at their eyes. Look at their body. Feel every single movement.

And every touch should start light and get firm. It's almost like you're just building something up slowly, gradually, enlighten that fire until it burns out the control. That's why.

It's not because of any routine. It's not because of anything else. It's because of the ultimate turn on for me is hearing or seeing a woman's pleasure.

So that's all I care about, whatever that takes. And when I was younger, before I lost my virginity, I wanted to know as much about sex. I wanted to learn techniques, tips, tricks, all of it.

I watched trash TV. Loads of different things. I learned so much.

The G-spot was a game changer for me, learning where it was, how to pleasure it, how to make women squirt and come in a very quick fashion that literally made foreplay very good. It's almost like it takes the pressure off of you. You make them come and then you have sex and you can make them come again.

You don't have that pressure like you have to make them come because you've done that. So you can just enjoy it, explore and enjoy it. And that's what it was like.

But going from erotic poetry. Erotic poetry. Twitter came about, I can't remember what year it was now, and I can't remember the name I used.

I think it was Shakespeare's Grey, a little bit like my name now, Bad Romeo. Shakespeare's Grey came about and I posted on Twitter and this well-known, very famous romance novelist, a woman obviously, messaged me. At first she was like, I love that writing.

I'd love to collaborate with you. And at first I was very shocked. I couldn't believe what was happening.

And I messaged her back. And I'll be honest, as soon as she found out I was a man, she said, unfortunately, we can't collaborate. I can kind of look back now and understand why.

It's a little bit of a strange dynamic, I guess. I assume because what she read, she thought I was a woman, because my writing is very, it's detailed. It's not just bashful where it says I'm going to come, I'm going to fuck you, pretty much what men are seen for, just to be blatant and straight onwards.

So yeah, but she then said, your writing is very good. I love how detailed it is. And you should most definitely write stories.

So then I was thinking to myself, okay, I'll give it a try. For me, in my head, it was very difficult to apprehend because being dyslexic from a young age, grammar, I just couldn't do it. So when I first started writing my stories, there was no full stop.

So I just kept writing. My stories, there was no full stops. Like, I don't know how anyone ever read what I wrote half the time.

There was no full stops. There was no commas, speech marks, nothing. Yeah, it was just a bundle of words.

But everyone seemed to be able to read them. I started short. 2,000 words, 3,000, 4,000.

And every time I look back at things, every time I look at things in life, like my job and different areas, you always ask yourself, what do you have that's different to others? What can you offer? What's different to every single one else? And I'll be honest, when I finally decided to start sharing my work, which was towards the end of last year, I had no idea how many people actually write it.

I was very, what's the word, naive to think of how many there was. Obviously, it's dominated by women. I haven't actually seen another man that writes it.

But I've spoken to a lot of the women authors. It's always quite an interesting conversation. Even the readers, I ask them, why do you read these stories? And nine times out of 10, saying is always to escape.

And as soon as I hear that, I'm thinking to myself, what exactly are you trying to escape? What fantasy is it you're trying to live? Is it because your life isn't that exciting? Is it because you want to be more like what you read? And the other side of it as well, as I think to myself, what about your partner? How do they feel when you see you love these kinds of stories, and you love the men in them? Does it make them jealous? Does it make them feel less of a man? Or do you imagine them when you read the stories? I don't know.

I have not read the story. And I will be honest, I'll hold my hands up. Unlike a lot of people that read books every day, that love to read, their dreams are to write a book, to write a story, to publish it.

I've seen authors cry their eyes out when they get published. I've seen all of different kinds of things. Does it make me feel proud to have stories and books? Yes, it does.

But I'll be honest, it's not a dream of mine. I've had stupid dreams, like from a kid, I want to be a teenage mutant hero turtle. Yeah, as crazy as that sounds, that was on my little dreams chart in Year 30.

After that was a hockey player because of the Mighty Ducks. Yep. To be honest, still to this day, I'd love to be a hockey player.

In the wrong country for that though. But yeah, the Mighty Ducks definitely had that influence on me. A lawyer after watching Liar Liar.

Everyone loved Jim Carrey, didn't they really? I mean, he is just a comedy genius.