Pleasant Surprises

Transcript

m. calling you a hoe and telling you to drop dead and that third guy hits you back up the following day with a ha ha my little sister got a hold of my phone sorry no that was a no-go for you another person got super riled up that you couldn't meet them that night someone else super riled up and angry that you couldn't reply in five minutes another got weird didn't like the joke they opened up and on and on no no all you wanted to do is eat some coffee can someone just help you out so you changed your approach I mean clearly and I'm pretty proud of you but clearly the vetting process is bad because you didn't have a vetting process at all but you did and the guy that came attached to it was probably gonna be secondary to that and so that challenge seemed to be born you thought about it for a little bit you decided what you're gonna do is instead just ask do you enjoy eating pussy and first guy who responds yes you will reply you agreed to suck his cock and if that's just not simple enough for men then you honestly don't know what to do you went through those matches you already had because nobody has time for swiping more and you hit them all do you enjoy and guess who that first guy I want yours fucking truly and guess who loves eating pussy that's correct so you decide to come meet this man he's 20 years old even though you talk to your friend he tells you you're gonna regret it but now you're more interested in moaning through an orgasm and being proud of yourself that you may have closed the deal we agree on the small minute little thing I don't know if you're full of shit or not like I said tinder never really worked for me the amount of stress on my head is immense Saturday night or otherwise I'm sitting on my couch trying to figure out how to set up a set to play next week rolling up a blunt just in case you do shit I don't know and then I hear my ring doorbell I didn't know what meanwhile we had already set up time and location I had already given you my address you had already showered got dressed showed up at my door I opened that front door and oh my gosh you look so much more adorable in person in fact I couldn't wait to get my face between your fucking legs hi I said to you you must be J you respond to me if I'm up come on in I asked you as we kiss each other's cheek I offer you some wine beer J I don't mean to be blunt you say and I say hold that thought hold that thought while you're still in the door I run over to the sofa grab that blunt and pull it out a big smile on my face you're shaking your head and I'm thinking fuck am I screwing this up already no no no you say you don't need to know.