💪 🥹 Piggyback Ride 🥹 💪 (F4A) (You Carry Your Amazonian Home from the Bar) (You've Been Working Out?) (Oh, Honey, I'm So Proud of You)

Transcript

Do you like come and you won't go home? Well not really but you're closing so we don't have much of a choice and we respect your autonomy as a human being and businessman. So we shall go day-o.

Thank you. We shall be on our way because we do have homes to go to and we live in the same home which is even greyer. Well one, because we love each other and two, I don't remember where our home is right now.

But this one, they remember because their brain is great. Oh yeah, that's like a GPS built in Google Maps. So beautiful.

Mm-hmm. Nighty-night. Mm-hmm.

Did you have fun, my love? Most excellence, we shall frequent this establishment in the future. Whenever I have recovered from this current visit.

I'm okay. I'm fine, look at me. I'm perfectly capable of using my legs.

You ready? You want to be astounded? Here I go.

Any minute now I will be getting up. Right this second I just need to lean against this lamppost or consequences will be had. Mm.

And now I'm in conflict because it's like, sure we just call an Uber but also we only live five minutes away. The cheapskate in me is saying nay, but the lazy side of me is saying yes and pick up a KFC on the way. Well that's how you know I had a very good time.

I only crave KFC when the drinks have been very drinky. Mm. Not only I find it disgusting but something about alcohol sliding down my throat just makes me go greasy, dirty fried chicken please.

And those crappy fries that don't really taste like fries. Mm. What do you think my darling? To Uber or to not Uber? Mm.

Option three? And what would that be? Why, what are you doing? Why are you crouching on the floor? Excuse me.

You like me to hop on balls. If I was supposed to be the drinking mess. Sweetheart I love you for offering but I'm gonna crush you.

And if I'm going to crush you it might as well be through snoo snoo not piggyback ride. If you go out you want to go out properly. That's not what I'm saying don't twist things.

Oh shut up I'm not. I believe in you I just don't want to crush your spine. I will if you just give me a moment I'm finding my legs.

Oh wait here they are. Very muscly, very toned, very. ..

apparently incapacitated. Oh I believe. I believe in you I believe in you so much but I also believe in gravity and physics and mass.

I am a thought of science. Oh sweetheart. Why do you put me in these positions why don't you just say ho face the consequences of thine own actions and stumble home.

It would really mean that much to you. Alright. I'm believing.

Then all aboard with the ho. I believe I believe I believe I believe I believe I'm. ..

You okay? I'm holding on I am secure forward. Oh my god.

How are you doing this? Lifting my immaculate mass how? Have you been doing secret lifting? I think somebody's been doing secret lifting I think somebody is a secret undercover lifter.

No I am so proud of you that is amazing. Because I know you don't like the gym and I totally respect that but I'm so proud of you for helping yourself. No it's because we're not always going to be young and sexy and one day we're going to be old and sexy and our muscle mass will fail us and we will need help but you.

.. you are taking steps and I'm so. ..

love you. And this just made me love you more because you realize even though you're a self deprecating little shit that you don't exist in a vacuum and that you affect me and because I love you you affect me either way if things go well or if things don't go well and just. ..

you're such a cute little goob. Thank you for looking after yourself. Oh because you're worth looking after your second reckon neck and your lower heart.

How can you make me adore you and also feel like for goodness sake. For goodness sake just accept the fact that you are loved and I feel like today and in doing this you have proven that. Because correct me if I'm wrong but you're not very good at doing things just for you.

But as soon as it involves me or somebody else you give a shit about it's like oh all hands to deck let's do this. It's not entirely a criticism it's just like you're much better at looking after others than you are yourself. And you're much better at doing things for others than yourself and I suspect you are doing this because I said I think you should look after yourself.

And I'm so sorry if that ever comes across as naggy or demanding that's not why I'm saying it I'm saying it because you're so lovely. And I want you to be here with me and I want you to be able to go shopping with me and lift things and open doors and walk upstairs and that's the only reason I say this. Because you're so hecking gorgeous and I have to keep you your self deprecating little nit.

And I can't believe your legs aren't wobbling even the slightest I'm so proud of you. Oh you secret lifter you make my heart so happy. I'm not trying to tickle you I'm trying to show you that I love you.

Because I do. I do I do I do I do I do I do I do I do. There will be no falling asleep on the vehicle.

I shall see us home. One because I'm a woman of honour and two because our home is right there. It's nice when things work out like that.

You don't have to get really up the stairs. All hail the secret lifter. Mighty and strong and totally capable of dragging the corpse of a girlfriend home.

Oh and they're opening the door. And they're closing the door. Can they make it to the sofa? Can they? Can they? Yes they can Bob the Builder.

Hug me please. You're lovely. You know if you ever wanted to come to the gym with me.

Oh is that too far? I'm sorry. Come back and snuggle me.

I won't mention gyms I promise.