Perky Playful Pixie vs Barbarian's Bare Balls!

Transcript

Greetings and well met adventurer. Please let me be the first to welcome you to Pixie Glade. If you'll allow me, I'll flit up to your eye level so that you can see me well whilst we're talking.

You look a bit surprised. Why yes, some pixies are slender little things, but just as many of us are like me. Curvy and quite strongly built.

I am indeed strong. Look, look at my legs. When I point and flex my tiny little pixie feet, you can see all the muscles in my legs move.

My strong sleek calves, my powerful toned thighs, my wide voluptuous hips. Look, when I turn around and touch my toes, you get such a lovely view of my hamstrings. You have your doubts.

Well, what makes you such an expert judge of strength? Ooh, a barbarian. We rarely get barbarians in Pixie Glade.

This is a treat. I simply must get a good look at you. Oh my, you're ever so big.

Such powerful muscles, such big hands. You're not wearing anything more than a tiny little loincloth. Oh, pixie dust, it's true.

You barbarians really don't wear anything underneath. I can see absolutely everything. Your testicles.

Oh, I'm quite sure they're larger than my entire body, including my wings. I can't believe they're so gigantic. I've never seen nuts that large.

You're sure you're not a bit, Goliath? No? My, my, you must be proud to be so generously endowed.

Are they sensitive, even though they're so enormous? Really? What if I give them just a little, just a little, just a little love tap? Surely you're not worried, since I'm just a bitty little pixie.

You're ever so strong, I'm sure you could handle absolutely anything I were to do. Yes, you agree? Oh, this will be such fun.

I'll zip into position. You get ready to roll a constitution save. One, two, three.

Your balls are larger than me, but my tiny kick is so strong, it sends a rippling shockwave through them. Oh my, you're on the ground. Surely it wasn't my itsy bitsy pixie feet that sent you there, clutching your nods and howling.

This is a good lesson for you, adventurer. Beware of tiny women. Barbarians have no defense against magic.

My twinkling toes can boot your boys right into the astral plane. Kiss the twins goodbye, barbarian. It's a good thing you're not a wizard.

They actually need their orbs. Make sure you update your inventory. You're down two family jewels.

You'll need more than a healing potion after a kick like that. You'll need a cleric to resurrect your nuts. I bet you wish you weren't a barbarian.

If you'd had a higher armor class, a codpiece might have helped protect those aching baby makers. Maybe you can get a potion of stone skin next time you need to come through here. I'm going to tell every pixie in the glade about this.

They'll all want to sock your rocks. I'm afraid you won't be able to climb your beanstalk. I've smashed your magic beans.

Oh, I do hope you have a happier ending next time. But it won't be with me.