Now Hiring Minions Pt2 [M4A] [Supervillain] [First Day] [Surprisingly Pleasant]

Transcript

Well now, you got here on time. I'm rather impressed. My lair is intentionally difficult to find, though you might as well find it as the really good sign.

Come in, come in. I'm glad you accepted my offer. I do realize that this is an unconventional line of work, but I think you'll be glad you gave it a chance.

You already know about the pay and benefits, but you'll be surprised by just how rewarding villainy is. Well, this is my lair. No abandoned warehouses or sterile compounds for me.

I prefer a touch of comfort and luxury. You might also notice that I took inspiration from the Victorian era. That was the best time to be a villain.

It was an art back then. Yes, it is on the larger side, but you shouldn't need to be too worried about getting lost. It is all laid out rather simply.

Everything branches off from the main hall and the two wings. Most villains design their lairs like a maze to confuse intruders, but thanks to my magic, the layout of this building will change in the event of an attack. We could go over how to navigate the alternate layout later.

For now, though, I would like us to step into my study for a moment. Before I show you any more of the lair, there's a matter that needs discussing. Follow me.

Right, you're welcome to sit down if you like. The thing is, I've learned that the government may be attempting to plant a spy in my midst. I've been proving to be competent for their liking lately, and they're finally taking me seriously.

Hehe, naturally, the easiest way to place a spy in my ranks would be to trick me into hiring them. Which, I'm afraid, makes you the prime suspect. Oh, I'm sure.

But then, a spy would say that too, wouldn't they? I cannot take you at your word. Fortunately, though, I have an enchanted artifact here that can help.

Such artifacts are my specialty, and this one is particularly potent. It can detect lies. So, I'm going to ask you a few questions.

If you may, place your hand on the artifact, please. Very good. Very good.

First, are you a spy? Good, but that alone isn't enough. The artifact can get tripped up by particulars, unfortunately.

Next question. Do you intend to harm or impede my plans in any way? Good.

Are you, or have you, ever been associated with a hero? Interesting. Finally, do you pledge your loyalty to me? Well, that all comes as a relief.

Hehe. That all comes as a relief. Still, it doesn't entirely rule you out.

For all we know, you could be a sleeper agent with no memory of your mission, or you could have unknowingly brought something with you. All that is left is for me to perform a simple revelation spell. Oh, what's this? Listening device, I believe.

Oh, no, no. I'm certain you weren't aware of it, or the lie detector would have known. Based on its appearance, though, it was likely made by Cyberwoman.

Nice try, Cyberwoman, but you've learned nothing you didn't know before. Be more creative next time. Hm? No, you needn't worry.

Actually, there are hundreds of people in this city with one of these attached. You know, for all their talk about righteousness, heroes often have little respect for privacy. It's likely that this was a mere coincidence.

And even if it wasn't, you have no evidence of other devices, or of any brainwashing, thankfully. I'm satisfied that you're not a security risk. That said, though, I'll be keeping a close eye on you.

Who can say that they won't try to use you in the future? Good, good. Anyway, now I could truly welcome you to my team.

I'm so very glad to have you. I think you're going to bring some new energy to this place. Right, if you'll please follow me.

So, this is the way to the main hall. It is the main thoroughfare of the building, and there are many, many rooms connected to it. If you don't know where a room is, it's most likely in here.

And, as you can see, you'll run into plenty of your new co-workers here. You'll be receiving a uniform, just like theirs, later today. I'm afraid that it is mandatory.

And you can't modify it unless it's to make it fit better. That's the one thing I'm very strict on. But it's not as if I make the rule for the sake of fashion, no.

It is for safety. Aside from the fact that the uniform is padded and helps protect against injury, it also protects your identity. Cyberwomen apparently know your identity now, but it's not uncommon for a few heroes or government agents to possess that sort of knowledge.

Oh, I suppose I didn't mention it. But the important thing is that they can't prove that you've done anything illegal. All they can prove, at the moment, is that you've entered this building.

Which is, legally and officially, a private residence. If uninvited guests enter, the layout changes and all evidence of wrongdoing is hidden. So, they know you work for me, but they can't arrest you or do anything else unless they can prove wrongdoing.

Yes, hence the uniform. Your face will be covered, so if you're ever out and about, or, let's say, even if a hero manages to bypass my defenses, you can't be identified or photographed. The only way you can get arrested is if you're physically caught.

Police might keep a closer eye on you, so don't break any laws when you're not in uniform. I do apologize for not warning you during our interview. I normally hire criminals, you remember, and it doesn't matter so much to them because, well, they're already under scrutiny.

Regardless, I'm sure you'll agree the compensation is worth it. Right, now, as for what you'll actually be doing, I would like you to maintain some of my magical artifacts. None of the important ones, not yet at least.

But I have a bit of a collection, and they need maintenance. I've gathered them from museums, reliquaries, ruins, and religious sites around the world. These ones aren't directly necessary for my work, but they're all just as useful.

And they need to be cared for, so they'll serve me well when required. All the ones you need to worry about are kept here in the main hall. Since I rarely need them, they're largely decorative.

So they'll need aesthetic maintenance on top of the magical kind. We'll start with some dusting, nice and simple. Yes, I'll be instructing you on it personally.

It might seem like the sort of chore that's beneath a supervillain to oversee, but I prefer to ensure that every minion gets proper instruction from the beginning. Especially when it comes to my artifacts. I'm happy that you understand.

The dust mop is just in that closet over there. Nothing too complicated, just do be gentle with them. Ah-ah-ah, no need to press them down.

It's only dust. It doesn't take much to brush it off. Pressing down only risks scratches.

Better. Keep doing it just like that, and you'll do just fine. Oh, the woody ones like that need to be refurnished every now and then, but.

.. .. .not right now.

We can skip straight to the magical maintenance. The magical maintenance is to keep the spells on them active. Though to do that, you'll need a wand.

You'll no doubt notice it in the closet. No, no, you can't cast spells with it. It just gives the artifact a bit of a.

.. .. .recharge when you wave it over them.

Do grab it, please. Great, and you just, yes, wave it over the artifact, just like. ..