No Touch Diaries: Day 1-5

Transcript

Hey, so this is the first entry in my audio diary. I decided to do a no touch challenge for 25 days. I set myself up for this.

I honestly didn't think it would get this far, but in August I tweeted a challenge to whoever was watching. If they liked or retweeted or commented on that post, it would add an hour or 30 minutes or an hour and a half to the total time that I would spend not touching. And it ended up being over 500 hours, which translates to, I have the exact math in the post, but translates to, I think if I remember correctly, 24.7 days, but I rounded up and so here we are.

And I am five days in and no, I have not touched myself even once. What I did find myself doing last night as I was getting ready for bed, I found myself shifting. I was on my stomach and I found myself shifting one knee up and then the other, and I realized I was not on purpose, but just trying to get a little friction against the sheets.

And I was like, oh fuck no. Today was actually quite difficult. And no one's been challenging me like they did last time because I haven't been tweeting as much about it, but no one needs to directly try and make me break with there being so many attractive people that I interact with every day, but this part, this is, this is why I enjoy the challenge.

I get to feel, I get to feel this, this arousal building up with me all day, like it's just this constant pulse. I feel very aware of my body and I really enjoy that. I enjoy that so much, like I'm feeling it right now.

It is incredibly difficult to ignore. And I think for myself, an exercise in a little bit of delayed gratification, it does help me focus on other things like, you know, the many projects I have going. I kind of have to channel that energy somewhere and thankfully in my line of creative work, there's plenty of room for where it needs to go.

But yeah, I've been also pretty stressed lately and really focused on what I'm working towards. So I hadn't had a lot of time to even worry about that before the challenge. It was actually really frustrating because I was like, oh man, the challenge is about to happen and I don't even feel like getting off.

I don't even feel like doing anything. I'm wasting my time beforehand, but I'm hoping that by the end of this challenge, things will have quieted down enough that I can actually give myself that stress relief, give myself that enjoyment. But the truth is, when I'm feeling like this, it's kind of one of the last things on my mind until I hit five days.

Someone may be wondering if I do any consumption of media to get myself to torture myself or of course I do. I don't listen to audios though until I'm like really trying to just, yeah, that's torture. But towards the end, I actually quite enjoy a bit of torture.

I wonder what that says about me. I have no idea what any of this says about me that I'm looking at 25 days of this like it's nothing. And truly, I don't think it's going to be that difficult to complete.

I think there's so much emphasis in the corner of the internet that I spend the most time in on pleasuring your body that, I mean, there's a lot of other types of pleasure. And I love pleasure. I love feeling good.

I love good food and good movies and TV, books, a beautiful park to sit in. I just, I love pleasure. I love doing things that feel good.

And so you might be wondering, well, Faye, if you love pleasure so much, why are you denying yourself pleasure? Well, when one seeks pleasure, what's better than feeling a little of it? That's right.

The only thing better is feeling a lot of it. And I can tell you from experience, after a few days, after seven days, it was incredible. So after 25, after 25 days, the, the electricity of it.

And if things go well this month, hopefully I'll be able to get myself a new toy and really enjoy those new sensations. A girl can dream, right? This has been so much fun to be able to talk about this.

I think that's all I have for now. So first three days, not even a little bit hard. The last two days, slightly more challenging, but nothing I can't deal with.

And I think I'll see you again when we're 10 days in, I think there's going to be a large difference because we'll have crossed the threshold from how long I consciously went without touching back in June. And we're going to see what happens when we make it past the seven day mark. Will it be more or less difficult? If anyone is listening to this, as we're in between in real time, why don't you hypothesize in the comments?

Do you think the longer I go, it'll become easier or harder? It's anyone's guess. And as we go along, I, I can't wait to see what you guys think about it.

It's a little thing. It's a little thing. Well, I hope you have fun listening and I am going to go to sleep.

Good night.