💥 🫣 Mishap of the MILF 🫣 💥 (F4M) (Older Woman) (First Date) (Twisted Ankle) (Wholesome)

Transcript

Ah, just let it all out, oh, what am I doing, what am I doing, what am I doing? Hiding in my car, trying to gather courage to go on a date with a guy who went to school with my son. Fabulous, absolutely fabulous.

Okay, the worst that can happen is total humiliation. I can survive that. After all, I survived a marriage that was almost entirely humiliation, so I'm well-versed.

Brave girl panties are on, brave girl panties are on, and I hate the word panties. Underwear, coverage for thy buttocks, okay. Thou can do this, thou can go on thy date with thy handsome bartender.

Then why do I feel like I'm gonna be sick? Oh, good God, don't do that. I thought you were trying to murder me, but it turns out it's worse.

You are you, and you're wanting me to come inside. Yeah, but murder would have been swift. I'm conscious.

I am conscious, and I am feeling stupid. Because you still have a lot of collagen in your face, and I have less than. Some people who might be closer and more suited to age than I am.

Yes, yes, I have been up all night. Yes, I am starving. Yes, I am questioning everything.

Please enter the car. Hi. Mmm.

Sick. Scared. A little excited, but mainly scared.

A little excited, but mainly scared. Because I should either have the audacious audacity to commit to the situation or not. And I don't.

I am no sexy, overconfident milf, okay. I am terrified. I do not want to be your mommy.

I do not want to dom you or whatever they say. I have sweaty palms, and I couldn't find my contacts, so I'm wearing my glasses. I mean, you cool as a cucumber or climb into the car and say, hey, how's it going? How's it going? How's it going? I've had IBS for the last two days.

Thinking, hmm, what should I wear? What should I say? Why am I going? Is it the arrogance of youth or is it just stupidity? Because how are you so calm? My intestines are doing things that intestines should not do.

And you have the audacity to come in here, sit down and smell like soap. Which so many men do not. They smell like nachos and body odor and not soap.

And it makes it much easier not to feel conflicted about those men. You, with your kindness and your talking and your, oh, I use soap. And who are you trying to impress? This old lady.

Explain. Explain. I know, I know.

We've been over this. We've been through this. You just like me.

What does that even mean? What is there to like? Neuroticisms, bad eyesight, being short.

I know I lied. I know I'm short. No, 5'2'' is perfectly respectable if you're a child.

I know I'm short. I was caught off guard and bluffing. Because you make me want to be on guard and like stop with the smiling and the, hi, how are you? How are you gonna let us sleep? How am I? How can you ask me that question when you smell like basic hygiene? I know.

Nobody's making me do anything. I don't have to be here. I know.

I know. I just hate how flippy floppy I am. I know nothing has to happen.

Nothing. Well, do not try and hold my hand because it is gross and sweaty and not cool or confident or in control, okay? Okay.

Yes, yes. We are doing this. We both came this far.

Let's get out of the car. The good news is I will not embarrass you because I am wearing my favorite- Oh, no. Oh, my God.

No, I've fallen and I can't get up. Because I'm wearing five-inch heels and I'm ridiculous and I think I've twisted my ankle. Thank you.

And this is why I don't go outside. I am so, so sorry. No, I have to be and come on.

Who gets out of the car, trips on the first step in five-inch heels? Me. That's who.

Because I'm short and sometimes I'm insecure about it. Oh, why? I don't know.

Because if you're too tall, people say, oh, you're tall for a woman. And if you're too short, whatever the hell that means, it's like, oh, you're adorable. I am not adorable, okay? I have children and a mortgage.

Well, maybe two things can be true, but not in this instance. Please just forgive me for being short and foolish and for wearing heels that I clearly cannot walk in. Do not feel sorry for me.

I brought this on myself. And you being nothing but patient and kind and why are you still here? I say this because I like you.

Why? I say this because I like you. Why? That is not an answer.

But I did appreciate the forehead kiss. So. ..

Oh, my sweet summer child. I am not adorable. I am foolish and 40 and.

.. I don't know what I'm doing. In life, with you, with what I'm wearing, I don't know.

I got married when I was still a child and my brain hadn't fully formed and then I was a mother. And then I was divorced and now I am just this lady in a car with a boy young enough to be her son. And you're calling me adorable and I feel like, ah, but also, oh, and ha, and.

.. Honestly, I just don't want to be a predator. You keep saying that, but you have zero wrinkles.

No dark spots, no fine lines, no nothing. And I have a few. There and there and here and.

.. Oh, God, I am not 17. Why am I behaving like a 17-year-old? Yeah, and we are starving and I can't walk and we're in my car and.

.. I'm so sorry. Pardon? Yes, I like fries.

I. .. Oh, hello? Hello? Okay.

He'll be right back, he says. Well, if he's ghosting me, then. ..

At least it's over. I need wine. I need wine.

Hello? Oh, my. ..

You have bought lots of things. No, no, I like burgers and fries and, oh, yes, soda. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at me.

Because I am supposed to be older and wiser and you are the one fixing everything. You are the one fixing everything. With your calmness and your steadiness and your fries and you are.

.. Are you sure you're not the mouth? I don't know something about mothers and liking and I.

.. Oh, okay. Good to know.

Thank you. Sugar water. My fave.

It's okay, just. .. Honestly, I think my egos bruise more than my ankles, so.

.. It's okay. No, it's okay.

And you got me an ice pack. Okay, well, if this was a game, you checkmate and win. Thank you very much for playing.

Gigi. What? I've heard people say that.

Yes, all right, my son, he's a person. Because every time I feel myself becoming okay with this, something happens to remind me that. ..

You are far too young. And thoughtful. And good smelling.

For me. And you look at me with that face that says. ..

Okay, cut the bullshit and just. .. Talk.

So. .. Since you got food and an ice pack and I can't go anywhere.

.. I guess. ..