🍺 😳 MILF with a Twist 😳 🍺 (F4A) (Amazonian MILF is Actually a Hot Auntie) (You Ever Wanna Do This Again?) (Giving You My Phone Number)

Transcript

You ready? You ready? How much wood could a woodchuck cook if a woodchuck could cook And I can't even do that right tonight brilliant I'm normally so good at useless things this sucks this sucks and today is full of suckage not only am I terrible surrogate parent to my nieces well also I can't even do a tongue twister fab I'm trying apparently trying only gets you so far I know they love me and I love them but oh my god I do not know how to be a parent I mean I do you know you keep them alive and you drive them to school and you feed them occasionally and you know they feel safe with me which is great but I don't know how to do hairstyles I don't know what shows they want to watch I don't know thank God my mom took them so I could just have one night just not worrying about fucking them up oh I'm aware here I am drunk still worrying about fucking them up I have that part of parenting nails constant worrying never truly living up to the potential parent you wish to be apparently that's 90% of it so you know ace that part I love them obviously but it's just how can I say this that's sounding like a complete asshole why did my sister have to die it was very rude of her and why did she have to have a shithole husband who abandoned her daughters and why did I say I'll take them I told you she was a shit driver and I'm joking about my sister dying in a horrific car crash oh well let's hope I'm just tired I'm not a terrible human being oh shut up no one is looking at me I am old and haggard a parent and I didn't even get pregnant to do so no one is looking stop trying to make me feel viable because I'm not viable my life now belongs to two teenage girls who are very well aware that I'm out of my depth oh you can see it in their faces they are so smart which on one hand makes me really proud on another hand it's like you fuckers you're already smarter than me and you're looking at to me to say you know what do we do and it's like I don't know I don't know anything I'm sorry and if it was up to me I wouldn't have brought you into this life and that's a horrible thing to say I didn't have children for a very specific reason I've still ended up with children and again it's not like I don't deeply mourn my sister but at the same time it's like you fucker how dare you die and leave me your children oh you say oh you could have given them into the foster care system oh yeah I'm in the absolute also who abandoned her grieving nieces it's not why I need a distraction okay I need sleep I need therapy I need no they're not stop making stuff up to stroke my ego it's one no they're not stupid because they're actually attractive and don't like a serial killer so obviously they wouldn't be interested in me well if they have been staring they're probably thinking will that woman just shut the fuck up about drama and kids and everything go over and say well hey my friend is convinced you're staring at me by the way my life is not really mine anymore and it's not the people who are taking over its fault it's just life and I I can't talk to them they look educated and might have practiced basic hygiene and I am a personal trainer who's living on four hours of sleep needs to go to therapy and his teenage nieces I just great it's so goofy and funny and they so like their mom and I want to cry every time I think about them I just exactly so I've got no business going over there hey I hear about my train wreck of a life I don't think so let's leave the nice attractive stranger alone what no they're not you well if they're coming over they're probably coming over to pay the bill I swear to God if you say something to them I will break your index finger Joanne no no hi I'm good you I'm so sorry about this she's many beers down no it's not obviously you're not attracted I wasn't creeping on you I was just we were talking and she got into her head that you were looking at me and I said oh well they wouldn't be as you know they're attractive and like they practice basic hygiene which I'm sure you do and obviously you are attractive so I'm so sorry I'm gonna stop talking to you now sorry oh so you were looking at me okay I'm not sure how to proceed now well thanks for looking at me oh god I'm sorry I I don't talk to people very often and I just told you that I don't talk to people very often oh my god um yes thank you Joanne I'm T.

yep T.E.A. nice and short so I don't forget I'm so sorry I'm normally better at talking to people I just it's been a long year so you don't have to do that honestly Joanne please don't pressure them they don't have a say if they don't want okay you do Joanne where are you going you don't have to leave okay yes thank you hi I'm sorry what was your name again huh that's nice no trust me it's I think it's nice I don't have the energy to lie no I'm just you don't want to hear about it honestly it's boring and awkward no not awkward like haha so awkward more like you know oh that's too much information to share with someone you don't know so yeah that's true it probably won't be boring but um honestly it's not really something you talk about when you just babble into someone at a bar so okay well in the interest of doing it for the story uh hi I'm T.E.A. I'm a personal trainer in the last year I recently inherited two teenage girls from my sister who died in a car crash and I am chronically out of my depth bad breakup would have been a lot easier nope never wanted babies never planned on them here they are 15 and 16 and chronically emotional angry and missing their mom obviously no I bet you didn't expect that coming over here um you really are free to leave if that's too you know there will be no judgment there will be no oh what a fickle fuck it's like that's that's a bit grim but as I said I cannot be asked to lie and say yeah everything's great I'm so casual and 30 and oh I just did this I am struggling and tired and angry at my dead sister well mainly for dying but also for not having a good enough partner that he would take care of his own kids no he was is a shitty alcoholic abuser and he couldn't handle it and left and I know I shouldn't be angry with her I should be angry with him I am but I told her so many times that he was a piece of shit and she knew he was a piece of shit like she knew better than anyone but these fuckers they get you in this cycle of abuse then making up for it I mean so sorry and it will never happen again and please stay with me and yada yada yada yada and I just and I'm still angry and if I'm really honest with myself I'm mostly angry that she didn't listen to me oh Jesus Christ what am I doing I am so sorry please honestly I I have nothing cute to say I have nothing cute to say I don't know you have questionable taste you get off on schadenfreude I don't know but if you're looking for a cute cheap flirt there is none here I'm very sorry to disappoint I cannot fake enthusiasm for being appealing and bubbly yeah that's true he's still here listening to me oh you like listening to me well you're uh odd sorry I shouldn't have said that I don't know if you're odd maybe you're just very polite no that's okay I know everyone means well when they say I'm sorry that happened to you but it's like I I'll never know what to say back so yeah I think I actually needed to uh admit to myself that I'm angry with her I obviously can't have that talk with my mum or my nieces so perhaps being four beers deep in a bar babbling at a very attractive stranger is uh just a ticket cheers you know this isn't a 90s rom-com you don't have to see this through to the end I because you're still sitting there and I'm confused because within the first five minutes of meeting you have overshared about 10 times the amount you're allowed to overshare and you're still sat there and it actually doesn't look like a fake polite sit it looks like oh go on so you can understand why I'm confused oh I'm not the only one who's a mess do tell I just gave you dead sister and surrogate children lay it on me okay bad mental health isolation lonely and lost I'm a classic I'm promised I'm not laughing at you I just what am I doing talking to a complete stranger about the chaos that is my sister's choices and then mine I'm sorry that you're lonely and I'm sorry that you feel shit and scared same and I used to be just scared about myself I'm like oh what's my purpose gonna be and am I ever gonna amount to anything now it's like oh now I have to worry about you too I mean I worried about them when I was just their auntie but now it's like oh my god I have to think about you all the time and it's not even a choice it's like once you take them it's like they're yours they become the thing you worry about and dream about and bite your nails over and you just in a training session and you're just thinking oh my god you better not be having unprotected sex I will kill you I will kill you even though there's nothing wrong with sex and I had sex a lot as a teenager and it's completely normal but now now now now you're mine I'm like absolutely not.