Does this many candles look a bit culty? We're trying to be romantic and not psychotic. Then again, it is 2025.
Foreman can't be a little psychotic, what is the point? More candles it is. Who cares if it looks like we're having a seance instead of a romantic night in? This is our house and we bloody well pay for it.
If only the fecking things would work. In here! No, I am not committing arson.
If these matches weren't so rubbish, maybe I wouldn't have to use a thousand. I am creating ambiance. No, you have to say ambiance, you can't say ambience.
Ambiance. Well, if it's good enough for the French, it's good enough for me to butcher. It has come to my attention that we don't spend any time together anymore.
Because I'm an old woman and you are very busy. Will you come sit with me? Because I'm needy and I need to speak to you and please.
Thank you. Okay, I need to ask you a question and I need you to answer it very honestly, okay? Do we have a good relationship? No, I think we do, I just want to know what you think.
Of course I'm not in your head and I want to know what you think and it's not all about what I think. You do, okay, well, that's good. And you know I love you, don't you? It's just, I worry.
Because I'm a warrior, I'm a professional, highly qualified, years of experience warrior. And I'm sorry, I know that I get stupid ideas in my head and then my anxiety just rolls away like the abominable snowman. But I just, I love you.
So, so much. And I just worry that I don't tell you enough. I just want to stop wasting time scrolling on the internet and worrying about if we're going to be able to afford this, that and the other and just.
.. What I am, aren't I? I'm always fannying around worrying about money and taxes and if we're going to miss bin day.
Sometimes I just catch myself thinking, what am I doing? Wasting the countdown of my life just worrying and fretting and popping up here, there and thither and all the while it's like, what are you doing? I should be at home snuggling up with you.
And yes, I know that we don't have to be together 24-7, but we should be with each other something-seven. An undefined amount of time, seven. Because we are both going to die and I don't want that yet.
I want us to grow old. I know even older than I am right now. Cheeky.
I want you to lose your teeth and your hair and. .. I want to be there laughing at you.
With affection and love, of course. I just want to spend some time with you. It doesn't have to be fancy, we could just.
.. Do this. Talk to each other.
Spend time together, engage. With eye contact. Madness.
I have heard you are a bit of a freak. So the question is, can you match my freak? Can you match my freak and enjoy time with your partner? Mmm.
I think you might be just that sort of freak. Debauch until the end. I love you.
I know you're saying I know, but I just. .. I'm sorry, I worry.
Because I grew up in a household where people did not say how they felt and now it's left me feeling. .. Wobbly.
My parents were from a generation where they showed their children that they loved them and they never said it. And they showed it by feeding us, clothing us, taking us places, but. ..
I don't remember my mum ever hugging me. My dad ever asking me how I am. And that is the furthest thing that I want.
I want to ask you how you are and I want to hug you and I just want you to be. .. Sick with the amount of love I have for you.
I want you to be like, yes, woman, enough, I hear you. Because anything less is just a waste to me. I'm sorry, but I think you know this.
You're going to have to be smothered. I just don't want to waste any time with you. I want you to feel this woman is loud and annoying and worries far too much, but she absolutely adores me.
So is that how you feel? What are you laughing for? No, I just don't want to be complacent.
You see so many couples where they're just like, oh, well, they know I love them. And it's like, how? And you can see that their partner is neglected and they just feel like, oh, OK, they just expect me to be here.
You know, no maintenance or nothing. It's like, no, no, no, no. I want to maintain.
I do. I want to maintain you and us. And yes, I might have thought about this too much and started to panic.
But I just don't want to be that horrible partner that's just checked out and is like, oh, well, they know. Of course they know. Look, we're still together.
And it's like, this does not bode well. I want you to feel as loved as you are. OK.
But do you agree that we should spend more time together? No, we don't have to be joined at the hip. I'm just saying I'd like to see more of you.
I know there's some things we can't help. You know, you're so busy with work and I'm always pottering here, there and there and worrying about things. And yes, I have to look after my mother.
And you know, we can't change that. But we could also carve out some more time. Someone at work died the other week.
I didn't know them. They were in a different department. But everyone just kept saying, oh, she never stopped.
You know, she never took a holiday. She never had a sick day. She was just always here, always on time.
In fact, always early. And it's just like, I don't want my life to be about work or stress or obligations or, oh, I'll just go do this and then I'll rest. It's like, no, no, no, no, no.
This is not a trial run. This is life. And you are part of my life.
And I want you to feel that you are a part of my life. And you're not just, oh, yes, I expect you to just be there, fine, and maintained. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm aware I might have created this entire scenario inside my head, but it's also good to ask. So just to confirm one more time, do you feel loved? Okay.
Yes, I feel very loved by you. That's why I'm asking you if you feel very loved by me. I'm probably projecting onto this poor woman as well.
So what if she was a workaholic? That doesn't mean she didn't have a great life. But it freaked me out and I was like, oh, God, I'm not a spring chicken.
And not in a sexist, misogynistic way, but just an, oh, my God, I'm human and finite and. .. It doesn't slow down or stop.
And I want to do more of the things I want to do. And you are one of those things. Not directly in that way, but, you know, occasionally I wouldn't mind a bit of that.
But that's not the point. The point is, you are wonderful and lovable. And I really hope I'm not like one of those horrible, complacent people that's just like, eh.
What's the point in trying anymore? There is every point. There is absolutely every single point in trying.
So if we want to spend more time together, perhaps we should try each other's hobbies. Yeah. Yes, I am aware that I'm dyslexic when it comes to gaming.
And you are literally dyslexic when it comes to reading. How about we do what modern people do, where you do your gaming in one side of the room and I do my reading in the other side? Technically, we're not doing the same thing, but still together.
I love you. Very, very much. And I'm sorry that I worry and I prattle and I just run away with my own imagination, but I never, ever, ever, ever, ever want to be careless with you.
Because people deserve care and you're my person. And you will be cared for, damn it. Do you understand? You are cared about.
I am. I am very much saying it as a threat. You are cared about.
Disgustingly so. Please don't die. At least not before me.
In fact, since I'm older, I should get to go first anyway. While we have to talk about these things, we're not going to live forever. No, we don't have to spend every moment worrying about death, but we also can't just pretend that it's not going to happen.
So, as such, I'm taking over the managerial aspect of death and I'm going to go first. Because I'm older and I said so. When I'm a lady, ladies always go first.
You told me you're a gentleman. Don't disprove that now. Ladies first.
Ladies first. What kind of coffin shall I have? I think I want a coffin.
I'd always be scared that if I was cremated I'd secretly be still alive somehow. And then I'd wake up mid flames and be like, oh, this is why I wanted a coffin. Makes sense to me.
I mean, you better enjoy this bubbling because I won't always be here, you know. As my mother so fond of saying, you'll miss me when I'm gone. Oh.
I do feel loved. I promise I'm not just saying that. Oh, bless you, I'm too high maintenance to lie.
I would not be able to keep it to myself if I didn't feel loved. You would be hearing many, many things about how to improve. You wouldn't be able to get away from me, I'd be sending you emails every ten minutes.
And why do you leave a towel on the bathroom floor and could you please pick up your dirty underwear? Lucky for me you don't practice weaponized incompetence. Nobody wants to pick up their partner's dirty underwear.
It is one of the many ways you show me that not only are you an adult but also that you love me. That does not need to change at all. I know you're such a big boy, you clean your own undies.
So you definitely feel loved. It's not actually nice to smother your partner, you know. Not even when they're annoying.
It's actually considered rude in some parts of the world. Alright, I'll stop asking you today.