Oh my god, uh, yeah, the funniest memory I have of the last year of school is when Timmy had that great money making idea. Do you remember that? He was like, what happens with all the dead Christmas trees after Christmas, right? So he decides to start this business charging ten dollars to collect all the dead trees from the neighborhood.
He was going to make a killing. So he makes up like a thousand flyers to promote it. He goes into his dad's work to use the photocopier and cuts them all out with scissors, decorates them with glitter and everything.
And then he spent like a couple of weeks before Christmas walking around the streets in this radius around this folks house, you know, posting them in the letterboxes. And then he waited. And you know, Christmas Day came and it went and Boxing Day came and it went.
The day after. And then he was really excited because he got his first call. It was me telling him what a dick he was.
He got his first real call. This woman, she wanted to use his service, right? So Timmy gets her address and he's like, great, I'll be over later today.
But he's been waiting for this day for weeks. So he's really excited. So right away he gets on his shoes and these leather gloves that he asked his parents to get him for Christmas.
And he starts jogging over to the house. You know, only it takes him quite a while to get there because she's right on the outskirts of the neighborhood, you know. Anyway, when he gets to her place, she hands over the ten dollars and he's like, so where's the tree?
And she says, I can't lift it, you'll have to come inside and get it. So he goes into a lounge and the tree is fucking massive. It takes all he has to drag it out of the house and onto the road.
And he's cursing himself under his breath. His arms are aching, his back's hurting. And as soon as he gets it onto the roadside, it starts hosing down with rain.
He's like, fuck, there's no way I'm going to be able to get this home. So he calls me because I have a car and he tells me the whole sorry story. And I say, no way, man, no way.
I'm not scratching up my paintwork, sticking a dead tree on the roof. And so I tell him to call our other friend. You remember John? Anyway, his car was a total wreck, right? But John's like, nah, I can't come because I'm low on gas and my allowance isn't until next week.
So Timmy says, OK, just this once, I'll give you $10 gas money. John's like, OK, deal. So he drives over there and the two of them are out there in the pissing rain using latch ties to strap the tree onto the roof of John's car.
And they get into the car and then John asks, so what are we doing with it? And Timmy's like, I'm going to take it home and cut it up for firewood. And John's like, but bro, you don't even have a fireplace.
And Timmy's like, yeah, I'm going to sell it. So John says, you don't know anything about firewood, do you? Used Christmas trees aren't big enough for firewood, only kindling.
And he's like, do you know how many of these things you're going to have to cut out to make a few $5 bags of kindling? Do you even own an axe? And Timmy's like, I was going to buy one with the money from the trees.
And John's like, do you know how much an axe costs? How many calls did you get? Timmy's like, just one.
So John says, dude, here's what we're going to do. And you know what they did? They drove a few meters down the road so they're out of sight.
And they got out, untied the tree, threw it on the side of the road, and drove home. So after giving out his number to the entire suburb, it was the only call he ever got about Christmas trees. Though it was lucky he had the gloves because he did constantly get random old men calling asking him if he would, um, oh, hey, oh my God, it's you.
Uh, sorry about that. It's so good to see you. You look, you look amazing.
Come here. Give me a hug. I hoped you'd come.
But it was kind of a long shot, I thought, given that, you know, we always used to joke about how lame school reunions were. We were so right. Come with me.
Let's go outside and get some fresh air. Walk with me. I'm really sorry for nearly spitting out that awful joke back there.
I guess it's just, um, being back around those guys, I kind of reverted back to my 17-year-old self. But I've grown up, I promise. Just like you told me to, actually.
Do you remember that? Don't roll your eyes. Okay, fine.
I'll prove it then. Did the young me ever admit to being wrong? No, right.
Well, let me do that now. Okay, I'm sure this means nothing to you, but for a long time I've wanted to say, uh, I'm sorry that I messed you around back then. You know, the whole I-don't-wanna-be-tied-down thing.
I know, it was lame, and I would've grown up a lot faster if I'd realized what we had. I didn't mean to make you blush. I'll change topics.
The moon's bright tonight. You want me to keep talking? Okay, come this way.
I want to see the trees where we used to hang out. So anyway, I know this is all water under the bridge, but I heard through the pipeline about the guy you got together with, and that you broke it off with him last year, and, you know, when I heard about you two, I tried a relationship too, and it was fine, but looking back now, I know I was trying to force something that wasn't there, I guess. I was maybe even projecting a little bit of what we had onto her, and maybe I would feel bad about that, except that I grew as a person from it, and I got out of it before it caused any real hurt, you know?
A bit before you got out of yours, actually. Oh my god, have I said too much? All I wanted to say was, I have grown up.
I'm not seventeen anymore, but actually, I remember when I was, and when you were. Have you ever thought about the day we made that time capsule? You remember, we kissed and said goodbye, and you cried and I couldn't stop the tears in my eyes either, and we wrote those secret notes to each other and put them into my metal drink flask, and we buried it under the oak trees?
Remember these trees right here? And we weren't allowed to find and open the capsule unless we met again when we were all grown up, remember? Yeah, well, that's why I was telling you, I'm grown up now.
Do you want to see if we can find it? Oh good, because I got here earlier in case you can't, and I stole a spade from the caretaker's office, and I started digging already. Come here.
See? Let me do this. Oh, fuck.
Listen, I think I hit metal. Do you want to pull it out? You got it? There it is.
Wow. Oh my god, here's mine. Let me read a little.
Wait. It's a bit rambly. Okay, no, I'll read it, I'll read it.
Hey, future you. So you know I don't believe in fate and shit, but I know for sure that you're the most special person I've ever met so far. So if we ever grow up and find these notes together, and I get the chance to read this to you, then that will mean you're still the most special person I've ever met.
And I guess if that happens, I'll probably want to kiss you. So if you don't want that, please run away right now and never come back, okay? Because if I kiss you, it means all those cliches like I can't live without you and stuff.
So yeah, that's all I want to say. If you're still reading this, I guess that means I grew up and you didn't run away and maybe something is about to happen. Something special.
Sincerely, from past me. Oh my god. So yeah, that was past me.
And the weird thing is, past me was wrong about so many things when he was that age. But he was right about one thing. About wanting to kiss you and about what wanting to kiss you means.
So you should really run. Or if. ..
Past me was right after all. Don't argue. Keep kissing me.
You want to kiss me hard on me? You bite my lips there. Do you know that hurts? Not as much as it hurt when I heard you were in a relationship.
But you knew that. And I think when we made this time capsule, you also knew why I wanted to bury it out here under the trees away from everyone. Yeah.
And you knew when I said I'll probably want to kiss you, it meant I'll probably want you. Yeah. Yeah.
But you didn't run, did you? No. So will you please unbutton my shirt? Yeah.
Come over here. And open your legs. Just let me feel your body.
Everywhere. Yeah. Yeah.
Let me feel your panties. Yeah. Fuck.
Pull them aside for me. Oh my god. You're pretty hot and slick down there.
It's pouring right out of you. Did that happen for anyone else you were with? It didn't, did it? Feel me, feel me.
Feel how hot I am for you. Take it out. Yeah.
Feel it. I can tell you, I've never been this hot in my entire life. I'm gonna part your pussy lips now.
No, not with my fingers. Get back. My tongue.
Yeah. With my tongue. I rub your whole pussy up and down against my mouth.
Fuck. Fuck this. Let me hold my tongue nice and tight.
Let's see if you can get it inside your bed. That's it. Fuck my tongue and teeth.
Go. Fuck. God, stop.
Stop. Next time I promise I'll make you cum like that. But if I don't go inside you now, I'm gonna be the first man to die of desire.
Yeah. Fuck. I have years worth of desire stored in my body for you.
Nobody could tap into me, babe. Nobody could take it from me. Please let me give it to you.
Yeah. I need you so bad. Take it.
Take it. Please. Yeah.
Take me in. Oh, fuck. Open for me.
You have to open your legs a little bit. It's not going in. Yeah.
Fuck. Let it go in. Yeah.
Oh, there, there, there. Fuck. A little deeper.
Oh, God. Yeah. I'm so big and hot that I'm gonna spread this wet pussy wide.
Rub every tingling nerve inside your opening. Yeah. Yeah.
Massage it while I fuck in and out. Just like that. I can feel it so open around me now.
Yeah. Take it deep, deep in there. Yeah, fuck it so deep that you feel me sitting right inside you.
That's it, babe. Please reach down and rub your clit. I really want you to come with me.
Yeah, touch it like that. Feel me fucking your pussy open. There.
Oh, my God. I wanna fuck my cum into you. Yeah.
I'm gonna hold your face and look in your eyes, okay? Look at me. Yeah.
Oh, fuck. Yeah. I wanna shake, burst and plunge this cock right into your pussy.