M4F - Helluva Thank You

Transcript

Hey, welcome to the party. Uh, hey, come on in. Beer is in the kitchen, so is the other booze, I guess.

So, yeah, I'll leave you two. Oh, um, heads up, your, uh, old flame got here about 30 minutes before you. I figured I'd tell you now.

Yeah, don't, uh, I'll, um, see you around, I guess. So, yeah, I've been working there for, like, two years now. The work is whatever, but I really enjoy the people, you know? I'm just ready to finally get the credit to, like, uh, I think someone wants you.

Hey, can I talk to you? Yeah, seriously, come on. Listen, what happened last week, um, it sucked.

I shouldn't have yelled. Right, yeah, I'm apologizing. Yeah, it was a dumb argument, and I don't want to stay mad at each other, and my mum said, um, you should sort of move past this shit.

So, we good? Babe, come on, what's even the big deal? Would you just come back so we can talk about this? Hey.

Whoa, hey, easy, killer. I'll get you the money, just please, not the face. Yeah, I, uh, I stepped out to grab a cancer stick.

Nah, I don't really do parties like this, but I know Steve from way back, and he really twisted my arm about it, so, you know. Here we are, enjoying the finest carcinogens $20 can buy. See you've been enjoying the libations? Nah, well, it's not that obvious, but I've been around a lot of drunks in my day.

You're doing better than most, but you're shifting your weight from foot to foot. Nah, I don't touch the stuff. I've, uh, I've been around a lot of drunks in my day.

Sure, yeah. Party going well for you, too, then, eh? Yeah, I felt like it was a little bit of a time bomb.

He looked like he was trying to push a melon through his sphincter when I walked in. Surprised he left you alone for as long as he did. So, what's your plan? Well, you can't just walk back in there without a strategy.

Dickless ain't just gonna let you be if you stick around at the party. You either leave, or you deal with him. Nah, it ain't runnin'.

It's a tactical retreat, you know, Sun Tzu and all that shit. Listen, it's no skin off my nose, but he doesn't really seem the type to learn lessons easily, and this ain't exactly the most pedagogical setting. Yeah, it was on my Word of the Day calendar.

So, what's the plan? Yeah, good call. Party blows anyways.

You didn't drive here, did you? Good. Who's your ride? You mean the girl who is currently doing a keg stand? Well, ain't that a kick in the teeth.

Don't suppose you got a backup? Well, fuck that. An Uber at this time, in this part of the city? It's gonna cost you like thirty bucks.

Shit, I can take you home. Yeah, really. Save you some money, all that.

What's that look for? Oh, come on. Have I ever shown myself to be untrustworthy? Genuinely? Exactly.

Come on. Let's make like a banana and get the fuck out of here. Christ, this place is a match away from domestic terrorism.

Hey, babe. Hey. Hey.

Babe. Please don't leave. We can, uh, can we just talk? The fuck are you doing? I'm taking her home.

The fuck you are, cunt. She's got more self-respect than to leave with you. Come on, babe.

Easy, pal. Babe, it's what the fuck. Stop being a bitch.

Hey, you watch your fucking mouth. Fuck you, cunt sack. Stay out of this.

Babe, come on. I said I was sorry. Let's go.

Do not touch her. Or what? Are you gonna hit me? Yeah.

Come on. Come on. Shit.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Just get in the car. Come on. Ugh.

Okay. You alright? Good, good, good.

Yeah, no, I'm fine. Hell, better than fine. Been wanting to do that for ages.

Look, I'm sorry. I know it wasn't my place to get involved, but that guy just salts my fucking apples, you know? Who the fuck does he think he is, acting like he's king of the fucking city because his dad is potter on a law firm?

Christ, it's like his face was engineered to be punched, you know? And she's asleep. Smooth move, excellent.

Smooth move, excellent. They don't even know where our fucking house is. Can't win for losing.

Oh, hey. Morning, princess. Yeah, I'd hoped the smell would reach you.

Nothing like a bacon egg and cheese after a night on the town, huh? Er, so I've been told. I've also been told I make a mean one, so you're in luck.

Normally I charge. Sorry about the outfit. You, uh, yacked on your clothes going up the elevator.

Didn't really have anything in your size, but I figured the old t-shirt-boxers combo would get the job done. Your clothes are in the dryer. They should be done any minute now, actually.

Did we what? Oh, oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, uh, no, nothing, nothing of the sort.

I only, I only did it because of the vomit. You were dead to the world and I figured you'd prefer to sleep sans last night's stomach cocktail. I swear, scouts honor, that's all.

Yeah, I made it all the way to Tiger Scout before they kicked me out for lightin' firecrackers in the men's room. What? Oh, heh, yeah, what, you thought I'd be all leopard and zeppelin, huh? What, guy can't enjoy Taylor Swift and Aerosmith? Aren't you a little late for your shift at the Gulag? Heh, here.

Right? It's the bread. There's this German bakery three blocks over that makes the best kaisers.

Been going there ever since I could chew solids. So, um, how you holdin' up? Good, good.

Uh, how, uh, how much you remember? Heh, yeah, yeah, I, uh, I did, I did do that. Heh, knuckle's gonna be swollen for a week, but, uh, it's better than he got, huh? Listen, I, um, I didn't mean to cause you any more trouble.

I'd happily deck that shithead any day that ends in Y, but I'd rather not have done it when it could kick back on you. Lord knows he's given you enough trouble, and I know we've had our spats and all, but it's between you and I. Don't need a third army on that field, you know? Oh, Christ, don't thank me.

The last thing I need is for someone to condone my violence. I'll start smacking every jagoff who takes too long in the deli line. But, yeah, you're welcome, I guess.

Well, eat up. I, uh, don't know what your plans for the day are, but the body needs energy. Carbs and protein and all that shit, so I'll leave you to it.

Uh, no. Uh, I didn't really have any plans for myself. It's my day off.

Probably just gonna chill here and see how much further I can carve the divot in my couch. Uh, yeah, sure. I can stick around for breakfast, I guess.

I already ate, though, so. Uh, yeah, okay. What? I got something on my face? Why what? Oh, uh, well, I mean, like I said, he's a shithead with a criminally punchable face.

Shit, the better question is why I waited so long. Uh, well, uh, it just never seemed worth it. You know, I mean, I've dealt with shitheads like him my whole life, you know? Lots of preppy white boys with daddy's money leaving a bigger bulge in the crotch than anything else.

You get numb to it, I guess, you know? Plus, with those types, when you hit them, you kind of prove them right. Like, they always acted like I was some sort of feral wolf child, seconds away from foaming at the mouth and pissing on the floor.

If you hit them, then they just feel justified. That's what my pops always told me. I.

.. I don't know. I just.

.. I didn't like the way he was talking to you, you know? And you don't fucking grab people like that.

I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I just.

.. I didn't like the way he was talking to you, you know? And you don't fucking grab people like that.

It's basic fucking decency. Hell, with some of the folks that I grew up around, a move like that ended a lot worse than a black eye. No, don't go getting a big head, princess.

I'd have done that for anybody. I woulda. What do you mean? You already thanked me.

You give me any more gratitude and it's gonna start dripping out of my ears. What? Oh.

Oh! Oh. Jeez.

I, uh. .. I.

.. I guess that's one way to do it. I, um.

.. You, uh. ..

You know you don't have to, right? I didn't punch him because I was trying to get my dick wet. This isn't some caveman, me big man, me beat him, me take mate type, John.

I'm not that kind of guy. I'm not, like, him. Sure, you say that, but I seem to recall that the last time we were both in this apartment, you skedaddled pretty quickly.

Which, hey, no hard feelings. I just figured that meant that I wasn't your bag. No, that's not.

.. Look, all I'm saying is, are you offering because you want to? Or because you think you have to? Okay.

Uh, yeah. I. ..

I would be happy to let you express your gratitude however you see fit. Come on. So, what did you have in mind? Oh! Hey, you are stronger than you look.

Stronger than you look? Wanted a new angle, huh? Tired of being under me? Had to see what.

.. Hmm. How dare you? I happen to think that I talk the perfect amount.

Ow. Shit, princess. I didn't realize you were into that kind of play.

Oh. Well, then I would say that I could. ..

I. .. I'd be willing to indulge you.

Yeah, I remember the lights. Jeez, you finally bust a good nut for the first time and think you're gonna. ..

Huh. Well, just learned something about myself. Green.

Very green, princess. Fuck, you have got an arm on you. I love me a girl who can put some oomph into a smack.

Come here. Alright, alright. You're right.

It's your thank you. I'll let you decide how to show gratitude, then. But, I would like it if it involved more kissing, if I have any say in it.

Mmm. Oh, fuck. Princess, careful with the neck.

I'm a little sensitive there. Fuck. Oh, Christ.

What a waste of time. You must be. ..

Fuck, princess. Christ, you are good at that. Shit.

Fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, careful.

Oh, if you don't stop, I'm gonna. .. Oh, fuck you.

That's not fair. Fine, fine. Yes, yes.

I'll keep my hands over my head. Fuck. Fuck.

Christ, princess, I'm serious. If you don't slow down, I'm gonna. ..

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Holy Mary, mother of God.

You really weren't fucking around, are you? No, no, no. I like it.

Green. Fuck. Yeah, whatever you want.

Just keep doing it. Hey. Oh, you want to sit on my face, though? I thought this was about thanking me.

What, you don't want to look me in the eyes while you're facing the other way? Yeah, you got me. Fucking love eating pussy.

Fucking plant it on me. Yes, yes. Message received.

I'll keep the hands up. Oh, fuck off. I don't do polite.

Fuck. Fine. Yes, ma'am.

I'll keep my hands above my head. Now, for the love of God, sit on my fucking. ..

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Oh, fuck. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Fuck. No. Fuck.

No prayer on sensitive. .. Oh.

Mmm. Mmm. Fuck.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Oh, fuck.

Don't spoil on the tip like that. Fuck it. Mmm.

Ow. Oh, fuck. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm-hm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm-hm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm-hm. Mmm. Mmm.

Yeah, yeah, please. Come on, Princess. Mmm.

Mmm. Yeah, I know. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Oh, fuck. Fucking hell, that was wild.

Fuck, you got me throbbing again. Goddamn, you were good at this. Oh, fuck yes.

God, please, I need to be back inside of you. Oh, fuck off, I am not begging. Ah, fuck, stop it.

Oh, you're a fucking piece of work, you know that? Using my fucking ties on my fucking bed, on my fucking wrists. I can't believe that I, ah.

Fuck. Christ. Ah, fuck.

Okay, okay, okay.