[M4A] Friends Can Cuddle

Transcript

Hey, finally it's the weekend, oh fuck, I'm so tired, ready to binge the movies? I brought the snacks, yeah, oh yeah, I'll put it on, just give me a sec, took a while to get here, oh, you ready for the weekend? You look really tired, yeah, for real, you look exhausted, everything okay? Oh, you had a bad day, do you want to talk about it, I want to listen, yeah, I'm here for you, of course, always, every time, so, okay, uh, so, you got, you got kinda rejected, what do you mean kinda?

Oh, you were just trying to give someone a hug, okay, and as a friend, I guess they didn't like it, did they say that I was inappropriate, or they didn't say anything, just pushed you back, okay, I'm sorry that happened, it sucks to be rejected, even if it's not, you know, were you making an advance, or was it just like a friendly hug? Yeah, I'm sorry, sorry to hear that, I'm sure they've given it some thought now, and realized that maybe you didn't have any bad intentions, you know, I don't believe you had that, knowing you, but I guess that doesn't matter, what matters is that it sucks, and made you feel bad, you know what, you're gonna see right through this, but let me give you a hug, it's gonna be a full on pity hug, for my best friend, here, I'm gonna give you a good one too, there we go, how does that feel, okay, okay, I'll stop, oh, does that feel better, hmm, maybe that person just isn't a hugger, have you hugged before, have you seen them hugging, no, oh, people have different relationships with hugging, I guess, and physical contact, so maybe you just were unlucky, I guess, you know, you know I'm a hugger, I'm always kind of on the physical contact with my friends, it's just a sign of affection, but it doesn't mean anything other than friendliness and closeness, that's it, you know that, I do that all the time with you, it's not like I wanna fuck you or anything, I just like the closeness anyway, you know, sex doesn't have to be the only time, when you're close with someone, and when you're physically intimate, I don't think that should be reserved for sex, do you, so what I wish is that my friend group would be a little bit more comfortable, I guess, with just an occasional touch, a hug, hell, cuddling even, why can't friends cuddle, it's not like creepy or anything, right, it's just friendly physical contact, that's all the rest of it, and you know, it just feels nice, and I want to make my friends feel nice, that's all, I can tell you're really down about this, and you agree with me, right, I think you're the same as me here, what if you just lay in my lap with your head and I'll massage your skull, wouldn't that feel nice, just let you relax a little bit, unwind, cause you're sure as shit and doing that by yourself, well do you think it's gonna be weird, no, and I don't think it's gonna be weird, I'm the one who suggested it, if neither of us thinks it's gonna be weird, then it's not gonna be weird, yeah, just lay down, put your head in my lap, I'll scratch your skull, there we go, how does that feel, yeah, how long has it been since somebody scratched your skull, give you a good old head massage, you can't remember, well, I guess I can't remember either when I think about it, well, here I am, giving you one, you deserve it, bestie, just relax, let me take care of my friend, I promise I'll make you feel a lot better and we don't need to watch the movies anytime soon, we can just spend time together and relax, it feels nice to do it too, it's not just you who are getting all the feel-good vibes from this, I like it, I like taking care of you, but you know that, I've been taking care of you for, god, how many years, I've lost the count, so it's not that different, is it, I'm just taking care of your body this time, yeah, I know you, and you're gonna have some intrusive thoughts, they're gonna be nasty, they're gonna be mean, self-deprecating maybe, and I'm gonna tell you no, but what you're gonna do is say, I don't care, yeah, just think it, I don't care, this feels nice, that's all I care about, I am a biological organism and this feels nice, I'm getting the neurotransmitters that I need, this is self-preservation, yeah, I know that's cheesy, but it works for me to think that way, just try it out, promise, that's part of the problem, if you think it's cheesy, then you're gonna deny yourself something good, a good technique to relax and to accept things that make you feel good, so, just keep relaxing, yeah, just like that, we'll watch the movie afterwards, don't worry, and we'll eat tons of snacks, I brought your favorite, yeah, I went to the special store to get it, yeah, they don't have it in my local one, you're starting to feel relaxed, yeah, good, I can't stand watching you in pain, yeah, well, anytime, whatever the reason, I just feel like if it's something I can do anything about, then I will, at least try, and in this case, it is something I can do something about, I've been trying to figure out the whole concoction of negative feelings you're feeling ever since I walked through the door now, and I know that you're feeling rejected, but also I think you're really tired, you seem like you're exhausted, not just emotionally, but physically, I think you are, you could barely keep your eyes up, you were blinking so hard and so long when I first saw your face, did you stay up all night again? Well, you're obviously not paying much attention to your surroundings, you're just kind of waddling around like a zombie, I know that look, we could take a nap, you know, you don't need to host me, you don't need to entertain me, we're just friends, yeah, we could take a nap, I'll do my own thing, hey, I'll join you for the nap even, I'm kind of tired too, okay, how about this, we nap for one and a half hours, I'll set my alarm, and we'll just nap together, yeah, just keep this scalp scratching going on, yeah, sound good, that's it, see, this is going somewhere, you're stopping your intrusive thoughts, okay, well, let's get to the bedroom then, you don't mind if I just, I'm not gonna be able to know what I'll do when I'm asleep, if I roll over and I hold my arm around you, that's just, that's just how I sleep, when I sleep, when I sleep with someone, just kind of, well, yes, it's my protective instincts, would you mind if I do that by accident, I mean, no, it's okay, what if I do it on purpose, still just talking as friends, of course, look, I'm not interested in you, but things like that are still nice to do, and I've already said that I'm feeling protective over you right now, and you know that I do that normally too, I always do, God, you're such a, you keep getting into those situations where you're at a loss of control, and sometimes you just need to take a break, but then you don't, and then you exhaust yourself, and I have to barge into the door, force you to relax and take a step back, just like now, you know, you're not giving yourself the space that you need to process some things, so, well, let me help you, just roll over, yeah, I'll hold you from behind, and we'll just fall asleep together, does that sound good?

Yes. It's always interesting to learn how people like to sleep, I just kind of like to curl up, you know, like stackable chairs. I guess it's called spooning.

I feel like spooning has a lot of connotations to it. I feel like people sexualize the word, but I just want to spoon my friend and then that's it, nothing else. Just that.

Isn't that okay? Yeah. Let's fall asleep then.

When we wake up, I promise we'll wake up so happy because we have snacks and we have movies. It's going to be a great evening and we're going to feel energized. Just keep on fighting away those nasty thoughts.

Yeah. Just feel your breath, focus on it. Deep breaths in and out.

In and out. Keep going like that. Yeah, this is nice.

I like feeling your. .. I like.

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