Jaded Jingles: A Clitmas Story

Transcript

Yes, and if you're very good, Santa will bring you everything you want this year, I promise. No, no, Jingles has to go back to the North Pole to tell Santa how good you've been all year. Thank you so much for visiting us.

Yes, thank you, okay, buh-bye, bye. Fuck, I am so fucked. I thought this day would never end, ever.

How the fuck are you smiling? This has been, you know, I know that the money's good, but I am so over this. This job has ruined this entire season for me.

I can't even smell cinnamon without having a visceral reaction this time of year. This is like my fourth year doing this, and I never thought I was capable of murder until I started this fucking job. And then I realized, oh, I could do it.

I could do it, and then wake up the next day with a genuine smile on my face, not just one plastered here by corporate, you know what I mean? What, what are you looking at? Like, you're fucking, you're staring.

What, what did some child put on me now? Please, tell me now, because I don't want to drive home and then figure out that there's Um, I don't know, I was going to go home and drink to forget. What are you going to do? You're going to, you're going to ask me out.

Very funny, thanks for that. I almost smiled. I almost actually, and you know, I have like a visceral, like, my, my, my face wants to turn it back down now, because I associate smiling with capitalism.

And you're still staring. I guess I didn't answer you. Um, I don't know, dude, like, are you being for real? Um, fuck it, yeah, alright.

Where do you want to go? Yeah, why not? It's literally, like, no offense, but today couldn't get any worse, so fuck it, you know? Sorry, but it's how I feel.

A surprise, I, fine, fuck it, you know, you're lucky that, you know, you're kind of cute or whatever, but you really don't need to look so pleased with yourself, okay? Um, fine, I'll meet you out front. I'll meet you out front.

I gotta change, and I warn you, I smell terrible, and I'm sticky from the fucking kids, and I'm in a terrible mood, so, you know, dream date, coming up. Okay, I'm here. So, where are we going? We have to drive? Alright, where's your car? Did you really take me here? You know that I don't like fucking Christmas, and you take me to a Christmas-themed ice-skating rink.

What is wrong with you? Is this, like, are you trying to mess with me or something? Like, I told you, I told you that I had a bad day, and this is your idea of.

.. Look, man, this isn't Elf, you know what I mean? Like, you can't just, like, try to force the Christmas spirit into somebody.

Alright, um, I, I don't dislike you. Actually, I think you're pretty cool. Oh, no, cool is the wrong word.

But I think, I think you're nice, and I don't think you're trying to piss me off. So, I will give you ten minutes. After ten minutes, I will probably want to leave.

And at that point, I will turn to you and say, take me back to my car. Deal? Deal.

Alright. Okay, let's enjoy ten minutes of your date. Shit.

Okay, okay, I haven't, I haven't done this in so long. Okay, well. ..

I can feel my ankles just, like. .. Well, okay, thanks.

I laugh, I'm a person, I laugh. Yeah, okay, fucking fine. It's been more than ten minutes.

This is fun. You know what? It is.

I like that we're outside. I hate how cooped up it is in the mall, you know? It's nice to have the stars.

Yeah, I like the stars. Who doesn't? No, no, I am absolutely not in the Christmas spirit.

But I, I do feel better. And. ..

Thank you. Can I take your arm? Because I am going to fall.

It's fucking cold. Where did you learn to skate anyway? Yeah, I know, I used to think I was going to be a figure skater, then I realized I was a really shitty skater, as you can tell, so that dream died.

Maybe next year I'll find a new dream, yeah, yeah. Very cute. Yeah, that was cute.

You are too. Yeah. Do you, I mean, it's really cold, and I don't know if I want to go all the way back to my car.

Maybe, I don't know, I'll just catch an Uber back or something. If you don't mind, yeah. Yeah.

Take me home. So, uh, this is me. Thanks, again, you know, for helping me get out of my head a little.

I, it's, uh, I don't do this, you know, I don't, I don't fuck co-workers, so. Don't, don't quit. Uh, fuck, fuck, um.

Yeah, I know I haven't really been open about it, but yeah, I think, no, I like you, I just. Okay, look, um, just promise you're not going to be weird to me the next day, and you can come in and we can make out or whatever, but like, just don't make me regret this, okay? Like, work is shitty enough without having some weird crush fuck buddy thing going on, you know what I mean?

Especially because, you know, we're only here a few weeks, and then you're going to go God knows where, and I'm going to go where I go, you know, so. Oh, you're not? Alright, you say that now, but.

That feels good. Okay, okay. Yeah, I like that, I like that you kissed my neck.

We gotta, we gotta get out of your car, though. Yeah. And wipe that fucking smile off your face for a second, because I'm about to change my mind.

Okay. Oh, fuck. Your hand's so good.

Okay, okay. We gotta, okay, we gotta at least get to my room. I'm telling you, and I don't, I just got out of work, I don't, I'm sweaty, like, are you? Oh.

Fuck. You're a good kisser. You are.

Fuck. Okay, alright, fine, fine. Um.

Yes, I want you to. Yeah, okay. Okay.

Yeah, that feels good. Oh, your hands. Oh my god.

Yeah. Of course I'm wet. What kind of a question is that? Mm.

Oh my god. Just keep touching me. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Hey, your fingers feel so good, please keep fingering me. Fuck.

Okay. Okay, take your pants off. Take your pants off.

Yeah, I wanna see it. Wow. No, it's.

You're leaking. Yeah, that's okay. Mm.

Mm. Mm. You taste salty.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Oh.

Sorry, I really. I like the taste. Is that, is that okay? Should I keep going? Mm.

Mm. Oh, so you're not so shy after all, are you? Oh.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Oh my god. You dirty fucker. You like making me gag on it.

Oh, fuck. Mm. Okay.

Fine. I can't believe we did this right here in my fucking living room. I.

Mm. Get on the couch. Get on the couch.

Yeah. Well, thank you. I know I look different than at work, so.

You like it? Cool. Um.

Oh, let me, let me grab a condom. One second. Pack.

With goods. Oh, fuck. Fuck.

I, I need you to, um. I need you to fuck me. Right now.

Okay? I need you to. Oh my god.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Oh my god. Fuck. Fuck.

Oh my god. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, you can move. You can move. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Ah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yes, fuck. I'm so wet right now.

Oh. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Oh my god. Fuck. Oh my god.

I can't even. I can't even talk. Mm.

Mm-hmm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Yes.

Oh my god. You're so good at this. Ah.

Ah. Don't stop. Don't.

What? What the fuck? Don't stop.

Don't stop. Ah. Ah.

Oh my god. You fucking TVs. Oh, I.

Ah. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Ah. Mm.

Okay. Speed up, you fucker. Hey.

Hey. Keep going. Please.

Please. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Please. Please. Ah.

Ah. Yes. Yes.

Ah. Ah. Yes.

Fuck. Yes. Fine.

Yes. Fuck. I'm your good girl.

I am. Ah. Ah.

Yes. Please. Just like that.

Just right there. Right there. Oh, I'm fucking gonna cum.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. I'm fuckin' gonna cum. Oh my god.

I'm gonna cum. Mm. Yes.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Mm.

Yes. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Fuck. Yeah. You gonna cum for me? Oh my god.

Are you gonna cum for your girl? Yeah? Fuck.

Yes. Cum. Cum.

Mm. Yes. Ah.

Ah. Mm. Mm.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Oh my god. Ah.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Oh shit. Fuck.

Mm. Fuck. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm OK. Are you? Oh my god.

Yes, I'm smiling. I'm a person. I do that.

Especially after. .. Fuck.

Um. Thanks. Thanks.

Aren't you gonna head home? I mean, yeah. I'm.

.. I'm hungry. Why? No, we, uh.

.. We didn't eat before. And? You.

You came, so. Our second date. Dinner.

Fuck it.