I’m Not Even That Tipsy!

Transcript

All right, so I gotta, what's the, how do I, how do I pay this guy? That's a bank app. This, no.

Ah, where's the Uber? It's with the U's, got it, Uber, got it. Yeah, I've forgotten.

Oh, I forgot about that. Okay, I gotta, I gotta pay the Uber guy. Um, I pay, I already pay this guy? I, I can't.

Did I use Uber or did I use Lyft? It's Uber. Yeah, okay, so.

Okay, but I don't want a new ride. How do I get the old ride? Wait, is it, no, no, no, cancel.

Okay, okay, I can't cancel. Okay, okay, um, and, oh, there, okay, I found it, I found it. And now I, oh, it already says this.

I just gotta, I just, I gotta tip him? Okay, okay, okay, okay. All right, okay, there we, and now I gotta get in the house.

Um, is this gonna be a problem? Oh, wait, hang on. Oh, she's so sweet.

She left the door unlocked for me. That's so sweet of her. Okay, okay, okay, okay, I gotta be, I gotta be quiet.

I can't let her know I'm here. Um, ah, shit, where are the lights? No, no lights.

Shh. Oh, my gosh. Wait a second.

How, why is the, has the dining room always been right there? Has the dining room always been right there? Wait, no, I'm, I'm coming in the other door.

Okay, I get it, I get it, I get it. I'm used to coming in the garage door and I came in the front door. This is, it all looks different when you come in the front.

So this is what it's like for people when they come over. All right, I gotta get in there. I gotta get in the bedroom.

Where the hell is the bedroom? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, okay.

Okay, the wall is not really moving, I think. Is the wall moving? There's no way it's moving.

All right, all right, all right, you can do this, dude. You got this. I, I, wow.

Okay. All right, all right, gotta be quiet. Going in the bedroom.

Shh. Shushing. All right.

Hey. Hey. Oh, shit, I didn't mean to wake you up.

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to fall on the bed. Come here, come here.

No, I just had a couple. I'm not, I'm not drunk. I'm, I'm a little drunk.

Maybe. It's okay, I, I didn't drive. The Uber guy drove me and, I don't know, the Uber guy.

I think I paid him. I think I did. Come here, come here.

Because I'm going to kiss you, that's why. I'm not that drunk, come on. Come on.

There you go. No, I want more kisses, get over here. Get your ass over here.

I'm sorry that you got woken up, but hey, at least now I get to kiss you. My hands are not wandering. They know exactly where they're going, baby.

I'm going to all the good places, that's where they're going. No, I am not groping you. I'm feeling you up.

It's different, it's totally different. Shut up, shut up. No, no, I don't want to get ready for bed.

Because I'm not done kissing you. Stop it or you'll be punished. I can't punish you.

I punish thee. No, this is not a cuddle lock. You're getting punished, but you don't get a cuddle lock.

It's a koala lock. Because I'm hanging on you. And good luck getting away now.

Because I'm completely drunk. Yeah, well, I took care of you last time when you were drunk, so you can deal with it, I think. And I'm a koala.

If you want me to get ready for bed so bad, maybe you should take my clothes off. Maybe not put anything back on. Oh, shit, you're going to do it? No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to get undressed.

Well, I do want to get undressed. I don't know. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

I'll let go of my arms. But this is still a koala lock because I've got my legs around you. Can I tell you a secret? It's not really a secret, though.

Well, I'm going to tell you anyway, okay? All right. You are so fucking hot.

Seriously. Why do you think I like feeling you up like this? I like running my hands over these curves right here.

Love that. Shut up. No, you're hot when I'm sober, too.

Yes, you are. Baby, I love you, so shut up. You're hot when I'm drunk, and you're hot when I'm sober.

Deal with it. I thought you'd want to get my pants off. Want to know another secret? I love you.

I really do. I totally love you. I love the ass off you, baby.

It doesn't have to make sense, but you know what it means. Okay, okay. But if you try to get away, you're getting me in trouble.

I don't know. I'll figure something out when I'm sober. Okay.

God, you're hot. You know I really love you, right? Baby, you turn me on so much.

Like, seriously. And I don't even think you're trying. That's unfair about it.

You know it's unfair to all the other guys, man. Because you're mine. You're mine, and I like it that way.

I love you. Come here. No, we're not done yet.

There you go. I got something else to tell you about that. Yes, the party was a lot of fun, as you can tell.

I had two or three past what I'd had before those two or three. And the party's still going. It was still going when I left.

Because. .. You really want to know? No.

Not that. Okay, stop guessing. I'll tell you.

I left the party early. Because I love you, and I wanted to be with you.