"I Stop Somewhere, Waiting For You"

Transcript

Hello, this is Travel Log, day number 1557 and I've come back to the shrine, to the shrine that I built about three years ago. I don't remember exactly where this is, but I think I'm about, oh I don't know, probably about 200-300 miles in from the coast, just hill country. It's the only safe place I could find.

It's where these bastards that got left behind like me can't find me. You know, you'd think that the aftermath of the rapture would be a bit more interesting and dramatic. It's actually not really at all.

It's actually quite boring. A bit sad. Not even in a fun BBC drama kind of way either.

It's just a bunch of mean, mean people. And listen, they're just flying their planes around in circles in the air. Where are they going to go? Nothing's left to go to.

Because they've burned it all down. I um, I came back here because I missed all of you. If you're out there listening somehow, I don't know how you would, but I do miss you.

You know, this shrine's to you. I, I missed you so terribly that I probably got unhealthy. Everyone I ever felt close to, ever touched.

Well, you know who you are. I got these, I got these rocks. A bunch of names on them.

I made a little platform out of all these cedar planks lying around. I'm surprised it hasn't blown away. I'm at a hilltop for God's sake.

Anyway. You know, I get, you get a lot of time to think when you're just walking around on your own in the middle of the feckin' nowhere. And something in me thinks that I've just walked around and thought too much.

My brain doesn't bloody work anymore. Because all I can think about is all of you. Although I guess the one thing I do think about most besides that is just, in Christ.

Why didn't I, why didn't I love you more while you were here? I was already alone and I walked out of the house and there's nobody was around. I thought there was a holiday I'd missed or something.

Changed and I got into town and saw the empty cars and I saw the blood. And the first thing I thought was to look for you. Never found you of course.

But I waited. For some bloody reason I waited just holding that hope and God I was sort of a fuckin' idiot. Perhaps my sense of patience was a bit too strong.

I wasted time. I could've gotten out of there before. Those bastards came and fucked everything up.

Just like they did with every city here. God it's, listen to them. It's like they're up there just making fun of me.

Because they've got company up there. A fancy jet with five or six other people probably. You know what I miss? I miss all of it.

Well not all of you. I miss being in bed with you too. Separately or together.

And God it's you and it's everyone. I just miss seeing the people and I miss seeing their faces and seeing their bodies and seeing the way that they would move and just existing in the world and enjoying it and not taking advantage of it. Fuck.

I miss the way they smelled. I miss the way you smelled. Your perfume or even even something like your body odor.

It just smelled like you. It made me feel like I was home. And I haven't felt that way since four fuckin' years.

You know what the worst part about it is? I don't even allow myself to think about you in that way and try to get off her or anything. Can you believe that? Because I feel like I'd be betraying you or something.

Like I'd be solely in the memory. Who knows if anything even works down there anymore. It's probably just shut down operations knowing that there's nothing left to do.

I miss your touch. I miss your hair. The short fuzzy kind on your buzzed head like it was back then.

When someone has that long flowy hair and they just put it up into a bun and it looks so kind of kind of stupid and over the top and a bit campy but at the same time it's so beautiful. Like here's some fancy office worker who's really good at their job and just doesn't want their hair to get in the way. I miss the way that little boy's shoulders would look when wearing the tight shirts and shoulders sort of just rounding and popping out like bowling balls coming out the side of their torso.

Just sitting and caressing their hands and just tracing every line and kissing them and feeling that soft lush against my lips and feeling how warm it was. What it called. I did date a few clammy ones now that I remember.

And god I remember just I miss when you're dancing. Somebody with just this beautiful sort of full face and wide hips and just feminine energy and all of this. How they just be dancing with you and just look you in your eyes and it was like there were the strings attached to you like you were a puppet and they were just leading me along and I didn't care because it felt so good.

Because I felt like I was taken care of. I miss how you lie in bed with somebody and you just lay on top of your head. I'd put my hands around the sides of your chest and just hold your rib cage and lift you up a little bit and it felt so intimate because I was just, it's like I was holding your heart in my hand and it was, it felt like a responsibility.

It felt like I was just holding something fragile. I didn't want to let go. I felt so strong and so weak at the same time.

It was all for you. God and that's when things got a little more hot and heavy I guess. God.

I think sometimes I dream about it but by the time I wake up I'm just not sure because I think I've forgotten. Maybe my brain is making me just blot it out to save me the pain. Who fucking knows.

I miss burying my face in a woman's breasts and just just breathing in because I can just smell her scent and I feel so close it's like she's just devouring me or something. But in a way that felt safe. I miss that that that boldness somebody would get between their bum and their cock.

Their prostate is just throbbing. I want to kiss it and just feel the warmth and drove me crazy. I could feel that I was about to just make somebody erupt.

It was so tender. I miss kissing every inch of everyone and just savoring it and never leaving an inch untouched. No.

I can't touch you anymore. I can't see you anymore. Neither of you lovers and none of you beautiful strangers out there I used to know.

I took it for granted you know. I thought I was too busy to make time. I barely saw you there in the last several months did I? I just came home went straight to my room applying for some bullshit jobs and and going straight to sleep.

Each of you always invited me. I was watching some stupid movie or having dinner or something. And I'd go out I just had my coffee or something and I just they would have looked the clerk in the eye.

I wouldn't give to be able to look them in the eye again or something close to it. Fuck. We were all so too innocent.

I miss that too. The last time I saw you I didn't even look either of you in the eyes. I just told you good night and that was all.

I just told you good night and that was all. I didn't get to look into your soul the last time. Not into your soul not into your heart.

That was all. I hope you're in a better place now but I'm always so bloody worried about me. Why was I left? Why did my curse have to be in here without any of you? Lesson do I have to learn anyway.

Oh fuck it. I guess I've just got all this bloody dirt and rocks around me that's all I can bloody touch. Sometimes I guess I just think if I just buried myself I'd finally be embraced by something again.

I guess it wouldn't be half bad. I guess it'd be warm. I feel kind of aerated or something with all that dirt around you.

Oh I don't fucking know. I don't know. That dirt looks like it just kind of reminds me something though.

Do you remember when we both, all three of us rather, we we went out after it rained that summer? And we just throwing mud pies at each other over and over again. It's like we were children again too.

We were in love but we weren't worried were we? We just dropped everything so we could pay attention to each other.