❤️ 🫂 I Needed to See You 🫂 ❤️ (F4A) (Vulnerable Tomboy) (Friends to Lovers) (You Come Home & Find Me in Your Bed) (Long Confession)

Transcript

What, what, what's happening, why is there a light, why is there a light, why is there a light on, oh, oh it's just you, hello, me, I was sleeping, well excuse me for using the key you expressly gave me for emergencies, yes there was an emergency, I got sad and a little bit drunk and I wanted to see you, that is the very definition of an emergency, how dare you, you wake me up, you turn on the light and now you're insulting my ideas about definitions and etymology, how rude, I am never staying in this Airbnb again, yeah you gave me a key for emergencies, well there was an emergency, I was lonely and cold, in what universe does that not constitute an emergency, leave me alone, well maybe you should have thought about that before you gave keys to people you have an emotional attachment to, maybe, I'm sorry I let myself in without saying anything, I just had a nightmare and then I had a drink and I was like oh this isn't making it better, so then I ordered takeout and that didn't make it any better and then I was like oh god I'm really gonna have to just either go insane or go to your place, so I'm sorry but I plopped for the second one, I just wanted to be somewhere that wasn't on my own, of course when I got here and I realized you weren't here I was like oh probably out having a nice time, I don't want to bother them, I just thought sleeping in your bed would make me feel less anxious and now I just sound stupid and pathetic and like uh that's not an emergency but it felt like one, I'm sorry if I spooked you and I'm sorry that I'm still staying in your bed, I just I'm sorry that was the one about my dad no it's fine he's been dead for five years, I know I just I'm really sorry to be extra needy but it's okay if I stay thank you also what make of bed is this because it's amazing this mattress is like sleeping on a marshmallow or something somebody's bougie, I like a bougie person, they have excellent taste in beds so did you have a good night? it's not like you to be patrolling the streets at this ludicrous hour of 10 30 it's absolutely scandalous nice, what did you go see? any good? but did you at least get popcorn? nice save did you have a good wife? I had very sad chicken with vegetables and potatoes, I watched half an episode of The Good Wife and I drank two glasses of wine, fell asleep and then woke up covered in sweat so all in all a mixed bag medicine's been helping a little bit sertraline, it's meant to be anti-anxiety and anti-depressant but I don't know, it takes ages to get into your system anyway so only time will tell and lots and lots of chocolate who did you go to the cinema with?

pardon? with a girl? a human female? why have I not been updated on this? well I do assume you turned up to the cinema and then there was just a random girl there and you said hey come on come with me so how did you meet, is she a friend or foe?

why do I get this sneaking suspicion she's very pretty? you can say that she's pretty you know somehow I am aware of the existence of other women I know it's like I go outside or something so so what's the situation, do you like her, do you find her a pleasant movie goer with? aww you being all cutesy and I don't know you sure you don't know? it's okay if you do know I think it'd be nice for you to have a girlfriend and well I hear they smell nice most do anyway so you were out having a lovely date and I've come and crashed in your bed sorry that could have been very awkward had she come back with you oh my god you wouldn't have brought her back okay well you might have I don't know you might have Riz and I just felt my entire body clench as I said the word Riz because I am in my 30s and gross no I'm serious it's nice good for you you know socializing speaking to people you haven't known for years building new connections and facing the possibility of it all crumbling down in front of you very very good no no no no I'm just I don't think it'll all crumble down I just I admire your bravery ah because I am a cowardly coward and I cower in my best friend's bed because whilst people are interesting they are also incredibly painful and I know I know if you want to feel things you have to be brave and go out there and make the effort but I just feel like no thank you one can't be arsed two can't be arsed three really can't be arsed and four I'm terrified husk of a human being and I've never really gotten over the fact that my father died see what's not sexy about that what person wouldn't go on a date with me and be like and now that I'm going to counseling for it and it's all like search all in this journal that feel this process this and my head feels so filled with analyzing my feelings that I just I don't know what to do process this and my head feels so filled with analyzing my feelings that I just I just feel like there isn't room for anybody else yeah but you don't count you're like part of the infrastructure no it's a compliment it means you don't feel like you just feel part of me you know like like my ribs you feel like my ribs I don't know there's some kind of metaphor there but essentially you just feel like and that's not just because you were in my proximity and we spent years together it's because you're decent and kind and I can sleep in your bed without the fear of sexual assault huge plus you just feel like family and friends and family and friends and family and friends and family and friends and you just feel like family it's not the end goal with everybody anyway to make them so familiar and close and intimate that it's just like you are my ribs so thanks look at me being so brave going to counseling and paying a stranger to sit there and nod yeah I don't know why I said that because it's not actually true because she's clearly a very talented professional person who's worked very hard to understand human psychology so yeah apologies to Allison I just struggle with compliments and recognition and praise because I am in fact a teenage boy so whatever anyway what was my point my point being you are very brave and I admire you and I think you should go see cinema girl again well I don't know what her name is what's her name Sarah okay sorry cinema girl is dead Sarah lives so when you're seeing her again why not I thought you said she was nice and pretty and aren't those qualities most people look for or are you in that very niche demographic that wants them unkind and ugly I'm not here to kink shame then why oh why are you not going out with the nice pretty girl again I just wasn't right no I get that you can just feel that you're not compatible or you're just not quite connecting or hearing each other oh that's a shame I'm sorry but there will be more dates and there will be more cinemas and there will be more Sarah's I promise because being the hypocrite I am I can be very dismissive of my own relationships and very positive about yours because I'm a bit of an arse well-intentioned one though always but it's very good that you are starting to date because all those years of I need to work on myself and who's ever gonna want to go out with me and I'm never gonna be good enough and then and then and then and that whole lap bollocks excuse me I know bollocks when I see bollocks and I hear bollocks and I'm around bollocks and that was bollocks because you have a good face and nice eyes and you're a good person and you don't give off creepy vibes that is essentially the marker for all good candidates I'm gonna lay back down now because I'm lazy and exhausted and I might have to spoon you a little bit just a little because you feel like a hot water bottle but better because I don't have to get up in the middle of the night and refill you you stay warm hmm what do you mean this isn't normal what's normal having a spooning session with your bestie is very normal and if it's not normal then normal can lick my hymen my very broken ruined from horse riding hymen because I don't want careful friendships where you have to tiptoe around each other and you tell each other lies and you basically just go no you're fine when you're not I want spooning and snuggles and codependency or maybe not codependency but just dependency I want you to lean on me and me to lean on you because I'm not a self-cleaning oven I need engagement and cuddles and warmth and familiarity and you are all those things if I ever do get around to dating I hope I date you you know someone like you in fact no probably just you well if I ever stop being a chicken shit and I get through therapy and decent self-improvement maybe but of course that would require you to be interested in not dating Sarah's and we're apparently now facing hello why have you gone all serious okay fair enough.