❤️ 🥺 I Need to Talk to You 🥺 ❤️ (F4A) (Vulnerable Tomboy) (Post Confession Anxiety) (TOO ANXIOUS TO KISS, CAN WE HUG INSTEAD?)

Transcript

Morning. Eggs, bacon, toast? No, you had absolutely nothing in the fridge, but I had some eggs and went outside to the shop.

Well, one, I was hungry, two, I was hungry, and three, I wanted to apologize for sneaking into your house, crawling into your bed, and refusing to leave. Sorry about that. I think I do.

Cause it's a little bit cringy to be like, I'm sad, and I'm gonna use the key that's expressly used for emergencies, and I'm gonna crawl into your sheets and wait for you like some sad, creepy person. Not that I had nefarious intent, just, you know. Anyway, eggs, bacon, toast, help yourself.

I wanted to, I wanted to say, um, thank you, and here's breakfast, and can we please talk? Thanks. Yes, lots of tea, lots of toast, lots of everything.

Shall we sit on the sofa? Okay. Did you sleep okay? I didn't take up too much room, did I? You know, I'm a spreader, and a starfish, and a crocodile, and a roller.

Can't really help it. I did learn something interesting, though. Someone snores.

Just a little bit. No, it's a snuffly little thing, it's actually very cute. It's like the whisper of a snore, it's like.

.. I like it. I'm not sure what that says about me, but.

.. Uh, shall we discuss the cringy elephant in the room? So I was feeling sad last night, and I said things that I absolutely mean, but I would normally not be brave enough to talk about, so I'm not trying to be insincere when I say I am sorry.

Hang on, let me finish. I'm not sorry that I feel the way that I feel, I'm just sorry that I delivered the message in the way that I did. It was very panicky and cringy and.

.. Please help me! Yes, I know, I was upset about the dream and dad and everything, but still, it's not an excuse to just do whatever the hell you want without considering other people's feelings, so.

.. I'm sorry. Yeah, and I'm glad I feel safe enough with you to do that too, but what I'm trying to say is that I don't think I considered your feelings enough in it, so.

.. I'm sorry. I don't think I am overthinking this, you were out on a nice date, you thought you could come home, fart in your bedroom, roll around, do whatever you do, and then I was just like, meh, help meh.

So I am sorry that I said what I said when I said it, how I said it. I'm sorry. Because I really value you and I don't want to hurt your feelings or make you feel cornered or like, oh god, emotionally unstable person, must look after, even though I don't really want to.

Point being, thank you for being a very nice friend, but you were not under any obligation to give me an answer, say anything you don't mean. There's no right or wrong, just so you know. My cortisol level woke me up about five and then I was just spiraling while you were asleep and I was like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, why did I say that?

But apart from that, it was a very nice sleep. Because I overthink and I'm gross and my mind goes, meh, meh, meh, meh, possibilities, opportunities, ahhhhhh. Not only can I have a full blown conversation with myself, I can have several all at once.

It's marvelous. Such a handy trick. Yes, please, you do some talking now, that would be most helpful.

Agreed, probably not the best way for me to have said that. As I said, I'm sorry. Okay, let you finish.

Oh, but you are glad I said it. Oh, god, no, I am, I am happy, I just, now we really have to talk and we can't just brush it under a figurative rug and now we have to look at each other's faces and be like, ha, feelings, gross, right? No.

I mean, yes, they are gross, because it's like, ahhh, complication and adrenaline mixed with lust, mixed with like, mixed with you feel like family, mixed with I don't know how to do any of that. But also not gross, because it's like, that's actually what I really want. Because that sounds really nice and cute.

The eternal struggle of being avoidant. I want that, but I'm terrified and I don't know how to do anything, so I just disassociate. Sorry.

How romantic it must be to be in a situation like this with me. Ah, and here comes the self-pity. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry, I did enough of this last night, I just, ah.

Yes, I have been taking my meds, thank you for asking. So, you don't hate that I said what I said yesterday? Cool.

Me neither. I, uh, hate the way I did it, but, uh, that's kind of par for the course, wouldn't we? Uh.

Because literally nothing comes easy to me, and I'm learning to be okay with that. Anyway, uh, I'm glad you don't hate what I said. Do you know what that means, or is it just kind of like, oh, I don't hate that, it's like, Oh.

Bums. Just pause one second. When you say I like you, what does that.

.. Okay, yeah. Same thing as me.

Family, connection, occasional sex. Cool. Oof.

Ah, and I said sex in front of you, which I've said sex before, but not in the context of you and me having sex together. And I'm doing it again. Spiraling off and spouting in the monologues.

I know it may not seem like it, but I am. .. I'm happy that you feel that way.

Because that's how I feel, and relationships usually flourish when you have the same end goal. Ah. See, this would be happily ever after in a film, but now it's just like, ooh, here's my feelings, here's your feelings, they align!

Ha ha! That's really good, but now what? I am sorry.

I don't know how to people. I've. ..

I've never. .. dated anyone, or.

.. had sex, or. ..

done any of those things that quote-unquote make you a person. Even though they probably don't, you're just a person that hasn't done those things, but as a society we seem very obsessed with those things. And I know that's the same for you, because we've talked about that, but for some reason I just feel like, why do you like me?

I know I'm not supposed to come like that, I'm supposed to come with self-confidence, and yes, this is exactly the right decision, and you should be dating me, but that's not what's happening. What's happening is, there's me going, what? Why? Do you have a brain tumor? And I know, and I know I need to work on that, it's not attractive, or desirable, or also it's not your job to fix me and prop me up and go, you're great.

Well, I'm glad you know it's not your job. That's good. But can it be your hobby? Uh.

.. I guess? Oh, you're coming over.

Hi. Oh, good god. Are you holding my hand? I did not come here for that.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.