I Had To See You Again

Transcript

I wasn't sure you would be, I was just, well, I was just in the neighborhood, so I, I had this, um, MacGuffin you left in my car, so I thought I would return it, and see how you were doing. You know, if you weren't here, I guess I, I guess I would have just left it on the step or something. I'm not sure, I really didn't think this through, it's just, you know, like I said, I was in the area, and I thought I would drop by.

How you doing? Well, you, you look great, by the way. You mind if I come inside for a minute? Just to, uh, put this down, it's a little awkward just standing here at the door with it under my arm.

Oh, you can just take it from me? Oh, you're joking, okay, oh, it's just, um, yeah, I'd like to come in and talk a little bit, if you don't mind, if you're not doing anything, if you're not going anywhere. You sure? Wow, you really, you really do look great.

Is that a new dress? I don't think I've seen it before. This old thing, oh, that sounds like a cliche.

You look really nice. Were you expecting someone? Were you, psychic, were you expecting me to drop by? I'm just kidding.

Yeah, it's been, um, well, it's been a while since I've been here. Hell, it's been a while since we've talked at all. I miss it, you know? I wonder, I wonder if you miss it, too.

You know, I, I don't, I don't really feel a connection with people all that often, and, well, I did with you, and I thought we both kind of felt it. Maybe I'm wrong. And it's funny, it's not like I don't get attention from, from women, from people, I guess.

I mean, lots of people notice me, I guess they show an interest, which is, you know, it's flattering for a guy my age. Honestly, I think I get a little more attention now than when I was actually younger. I don't know what it is, dill fantasies or something? Maybe it's the beard.

But, I don't, I don't usually feel it. And maybe, maybe it's because I'm a bit of an introvert, or, I don't know. Maybe I'm a misanthrope, I just don't know it.

But normally, normally I either prefer just being alone, or I just don't feel like there's anything there. I know, I know there are some people who hate being alone, and there are some people who would just pursue anything they can just to escape that loneliness. Just have someone to talk to, or someone to pay attention to, or someone to fuck, I guess.

But that's not me. Even when I was younger, that wasn't really me, it wasn't my thing. Which is pretty rare, I think, for a guy, I mean, hell, a lot of men are just constantly trying to get laid.

But I don't know, I think once you, once you realize you can get laid, that feeling kind of goes away. Like, I don't know, so many men spend so much time trying to just see a woman naked, even if it's online. Like that's some sort of conquest or accomplishment.

But I don't know. I don't live with that fear of being alone, or not getting laid again. So, I can be picky.

I like to be picky. I don't, I don't feel a connection with most people, but that was different with you. Like, from the first moment, and it's not just because I find you attractive, although it certainly doesn't hurt.

It's more who you are, I guess. I like your personality, I like your wit, your intelligence. Even though you can be very self-deprecating and say you're not that smart, but come on.

I mean, have you met the average person? You're intelligent, and I like that. You're unpredictable, and I liked that, too.

I say liked, because I want to be careful here, I guess, of not crossing any lines. It's just, there was something there, right? I know you wanted to talk to me more, that you would get excited about it.

There was a little bit of flirtiness, although I think, I don't know. Maybe that was just me being flirty. Maybe you think I do that with everybody.

But, that's not true. You know, like, something that's underrated, too, is like your personal sense of style. And I know you think about it, you put effort into it, you have a look.

And so many people don't these days. I don't really. I mean, I guess, aging hipster.

I'm all flannel shirts, and jeans, and tennis shoes. Nothing too cool about that. Although, I guess it does make me fit a type.

But now you've got your own thing. And I've complimented you on it before, and sometimes you're like, sometimes I think you're proud, and sometimes I think you're a little bashful about it. But you know.

You know that one dress. God. Lots of things I saw you in excited me.

But that one dress. Ah. And some of your wearings.

It's very nice, too. You've just got this thing about you. That I'm drawn to.

And I didn't expect that to lead to sex or love. I didn't expect it to go anywhere. Because I don't think that way, I guess.

I've been in these situations where somebody's like, where do you want this to go? And I don't know. You can't plan life.

You just have to experience it. And sometimes I worry about the end of the journey. About how things will not work out.

And that's a ridiculous way to live. You can't focus on all the things that don't work. You have to look at what does.

You have to enjoy the moment. And that moment is for a short period of time or a long period of time. You can't predict those things.

You just have to be in it. Although you have to at least make a choice. Like, I like this person.

I am dedicated to seeing where it goes. You can't be fucking fickle. You can't bail too easily.

Just because you owe it to yourself and also you owe it to the other person. If they like you and you like them, of course, you're not obligated to like anyone. But if you like them, then you kind of put in a little effort, right? You can't bail the first time in trouble.

Yeah. I'm not saying you did bail. I mean, we never really got there.

It's not from lack of want on my part. I don't really know what happened. I'm sure I said something wrong, but I do that all the time.

That's just part of me. I think most people say things that are wrong. Maybe I was too busy.

But you know, for a moment, it just felt like we were connected. It was like we were on a roller coaster going up the big hill. And we were about to go on a ride.

And then we got to the top of the clicking chain stopped. It was just a plateau. And there wasn't a drop off.

It was just a slow taper. And things ended. I don't know why.

Maybe you think I'm crazy showing up here. Maybe you think all of this is a little weird, right? Hell, I understand it.

I've thought about it more than I care to admit. What's the right thing to say? Whether I should say anything at all.

Or whether or not I make myself look crazy by just reaching out or obsessed. And you know, finally I was like, fuck it, who cares. It's a bad look for me, obviously.

But nothing risked, nothing gained, right? I guess I just knew I had to come here. I had to make up a reason to just drop by out of nowhere.

Because I didn't want to reach out by text or something so impersonal. I had to come here and put my cards on the table. Or, who knows, maybe I would have backed out.

I'll say I played this scenario out of my head a lot of times. I didn't know how it would go. I just knew that I had to act.

And so here I am. I'm standing here in your living room. Maybe for the last time, maybe this is the last conversation we ever have.

Maybe I'm being too honest. But you know, I tried to do this before. And maybe I did it wrong.

Maybe that was the problem. It's just, I don't like the ambiguity. I don't like will we, won't we.

And of course, right now, the way we're not talking. The way it's been a while. It's definitely a won't we, but I want it to be a will we.

I don't know if I'm even making sense. So I don't know what to expect right now. I don't know if we'll sit down and we'll have a cup of tea.

Maybe have a good conversation. Or maybe I should just come over there and try to passionately kiss you and see if you feel a spark, if we feel a spark. Because I think, I think we will.

I think you're letting me stand here and talk to you because you feel it too. And you know that we missed out on something. Whether it's a fling or, I don't know, just fun.

Something more, I don't know. But I'm open to whatever and I think we should pursue whatever. Because, I don't know.

It's tough knowing you're out there and this is unfinished business in a sense. And look, if I'm completely off, you can tell me I'm wrong. I don't want to be like a crazy person who's like, oh I feel attracted to you and you feel nothing.

That's not what I'm looking for here. I'm looking to just figure it out. So what do you say? Should I, should I just come over there and kiss you? Maybe, maybe just once.

Maybe we feel nothing. Maybe you feel nothing and I do. Maybe you feel something and I don't.

I'm just kidding but, should I come over there and kiss you? Yeah? Have you, have you thought about us kissing before? I'm teasing you a bit.

I know you have. We talked about it. It just, I don't know.

It just never happened. It just, oh. That's nice.

That's very, that's very nice. Why don't you press your body closer to mine? Feels good, right? Oh, those sweet lips.

I've dreamed about kissing your sweet lips. With my hands on your hips just like this. It's nice, right Angel? You like me touching you? I could do this for hours.

Just stand here kissing you. It really is a dream come true, you know? Like I've wanted this for so long.

I can't believe it's happening. I knew, I knew you felt something too. I knew we owed it to one another to explore.

We can just, mm. Oh, mm. Just put my arm around your waist.

I want you to, ah. You feel, you feel how fucking excited you make me? Mm.

I know that's kind of a silly cliche. Like a guy thinking his fucking hard dick is the best gift he can give someone. But, ah.

I would love to give it to you. We don't have to rush though. We can just stay right here.

Or go sit on the couch and just, you know, we can make out. Like it's our first date. Like we just met.

Just, mm. Come here. Come over to the couch.

Ah. Why don't you sit here? Right here on my lap.

That's it. Atta girl. Mm.

Oh, fuck the weight of you. Oh, I can't believe the weight of you on my cock. Ah, I can't believe I said that out loud.

You know all that time we spent flirting, going back and forth. It was always there, right? Even though the fact that we were attracted to one another.

And now here. Here I am sitting on your couch. And you are sitting on my lap.

And I'm talking about my cock. My very hard cock. Oh, just wiggle around just a bit for me.

Mm. Atta girl. Oh, it feels nice.

Mm. Mm. I don't want to rush anything, but.

Ah. Maybe. Maybe you should unbutton my shirt.

Yeah, come on. That's it. Mm.

Atta girl. There you go. Put your hands on my chest.

Mm. Fuck, they feel nice. You mind if I open a few buttons on your dress? Yeah? Why don't you turn around and face me? That's it, just straddle me right here on the couch.

You mind if I push your dress up? Is this okay? Yeah? That's it, now just move yourself a little closer.

Oh. Fuck, that's it. I just want you to wait right here on my cock.

Mm, while I open your dress. Oh my. Oh.

Look at that pretty bra. Lacy, white. Mm.

You could look at it all day, but. Do you mind if I pull it down? I want to see your breasts.

Oh. Oh darling, they're beautiful. Oh, I knew they would be.

Do you mind if I just. Mm. Oh yeah.

I like the way your nipples respond to my lips. Mm. Go ahead, kitten.

Moan for me. Mm. Let me know how nice it feels.

Mm. That's it, baby. God.

Oh, you are so sexy. Fuck. Are you rocking back and forth on my cock now? Oh.

You're a bad girl. Mm. I'm trying to be good here.

I'm trying to be on my best behavior, trying to take things slow and just. Oh God. The way you move.

Your weight. Mm. Mm.

Do you like me sucking your nipples? Say that loud. Come on, angel.

Mm. Be a good girl. Oh.

You like my hands on your hips. Your ass. Mm.

Fuck, you like grinding on my cock. Mm. Fuck.

Let's go to your bedroom. I think we should, right? Yeah? You want to? It's okay, I'm not rushing it, right? Good.

Mm.