I Already HAVE Ears!

Transcript

Oh, don't pretend like you don't know, what the fuck are these? I already have ears, they're down here, these, these are new, and don't try to tell me it wasn't you, there are no other wizard on our block, you had better turn me back to normal right now. Really? Dude, it's been 5 and a half years, I don't find the not good at magic excuse for a second.

Of course I think you're good at it, you practice every day, and I've seen you do some really impressive stuff, I can think you're good at magic and think you're a jackass, those two things are not mutually exclusive, believe me. Is this because I told you we couldn't get a cat? You just decided to make one yourself? Yes, I am grumpy enough to be a cat, because my roommate keeps using me for fucking spell practice without asking me first, I mean, first you make me fairy chair disappear while I'm sitting on it, then you make me forget my own name for an hour, now this?

I don't care how long it was supposed to last, it was an hour, and that's not the important part. The important part is, right now, I look like a web-squat dream, and you're going to change me back, or I'm gonna kick you in the dick. I know I've threatened you with that before, but this time I mean it.

If you couldn't tell, I'm more than a little pissed off about this. No, my tail isn't wagging because I'm happy, that's dogs you moron, my tail's wagging because I don't know how to control it, once again, because I'm not supposed to have these parts, I'm supposed to be a normal human woman without cat ears, without a tail, and without… Did you make my chest bigger? Okay, Mr.

Wise Guy, I can stop laughing any day now, I promise this isn't as funny as you think it is. What if the neighbors come over and see me like this? No, something tells me they wouldn't find it adorable.

I know you do, you find everything I do adorable, for some fucking reason, it's like you're in love with me or something. Come on, who could ever love someone like me? I mean, you! Anyway, just change me back, idiot.

What the hell are you doing? Stop petting my head, you dog, I'm not a good kitty. Huh? No, that's not purring, no, no, I am not, I am not purring, that noise is coming from the microwave, yeah, these cat ears must have given me super hearing, I can hear the other one up here, must be cooking something.

Sure, I mean, I didn't put anything in it, and you didn't put anything in it, but, um, oh no, it's cooking food on its own, that must mean it's malfunctioning or haunted, uh, you know what, I should probably go check on it, I think I just heard it ding, ding, see, anyhow, I should really, uh, fine, I guess I'll stay, but not because I want to, I just really need you to change me back, that's all, just stop petting me, okay, you're making me, um, I mean, you're malfunctioning the microwave, okay, admittedly, that one didn't make a lot of sense, I think these neko ears might be melting my brain or something, and they're making me short-tempered too, um, usually a lot calmer than this. Yes, I am, yes, I am, okay, fine, maybe I'm not the calmest person in the world, but I'm at least more rational than this, I mean, that screw-up just then, how I messed up and said that nobody could ever love someone like me, instead of someone like you, ha, please, I know I'm a solid 10 out of 10, I mean, seriously, how could any self-respecting person not wanna, are you levitating me? Why? I am not that short, I mean, sure, I'm a foot off the ground and you're still a few inches taller than me, but that doesn't mean I'm short, it just means, um, fierce, ferocious, kinda like one of those little dogs, the choppy ones that bite your uncles.

I am not adorable. Look, is there actually a chance of you turning me back or have I been just wasting both of our time? Wait, really? You'll turn me back right now? God, it took you long enough, like, trying to get a brick wall to write Shakespeare, alright, whenever you're, wait, what's the catch?

Ugh, fine, I'll make you lunch, you know, you could just ask me to make you lunch without turning me into a cat girl. No way it's not more fun, more fun for you, maybe, but you're the one abusing your magic privilege, won't they kick you out of your secret magic group or whatever for this? Oh, I'm sure they will, okay, and I'm sure that if I told them what you were doing, you'll get a serious phone call about it, but I'm not going to, because like I said before, you are a good wizard, despite being a complete asshole.

Yes, I'm afraid that is the best you're gonna get from me, now change me back. Thank god, it's about damn time, I was saying thank you but you're the one who put me into this situation in the first place, so it's not exactly warranted, anyway, I'm nothing if not a woman of my word, what do you want for lunch? Alright, I can do that, see you soon?