Hysterical Shakespeare: Romeo and Juliet

Transcript

Hey, I am in my bedroom instead of in my little closet because it's a little later and I feel like doing this in my bed. I'm reading from some Shakespearean plays because I feel like it. I chose Romeo and Juliet because it's one of my favorite ones from all the different plays I've read in my life and it's very recognizable so you won't feel like you've lost something if I lose my place.

I have my handy-dandy vibrator and I'm sitting straight in my bed and I'm going to place the vibrator right between my legs. Okay, this is off to a good start. It's been a little while, it's been a few days and I'm a little high so it's a good thing that I don't really have to think about that many words right now.

I'm going to start with Act 2, Scene 2. It's the most famous monologue from the play. Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father, and refuse thy name, or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet.

Tis but thy name that is my enemy. Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man.

Oh, be some other name. What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called. Retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Romeo, doff thy name, and for that name which is no part of thee, take all myself.

Oh man, I'm not lasting long. This is a. ..

Oh my god. Okay. I have one more.

We'll see, we'll see if we can get through it. I can't. I have to lay back and.

.. and play just a little bit, just a little. Call this a little interlude between monologues.

Oh my god, oh my god. Okay, okay. I think I failed a little bit, because I completely forgot what I was supposed to do.

Okay. Okay. Here we are.

Okay. Act three, scene two. Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds, Towards Phoebus's lodging, such as a Wagoner, As Phaeton would whip you to the west, And bring in cloudy night immediately, Spread thy close curtain of performing night, That runaway's eyes may wink, and Romeo leap, To these arms, untalk'd of and unseen, Lovers can see to do their amorous rites, By their own beauties, or if love be blind, It best agrees with night.

Come, civil night, Thou silver-suited matron, all in black, And learn me how to lose a winning match, White-paid, Played for a pair of stainless maidenhoods, Hood my unmanned blood, Baiting in my cheeks, With thy black mantle, Till strange love grown bold, Think true love acted, Simple map modesty, Fuck me, oh my God, Come, come night, Come, come Romeo, Oh my God, Oh, I'm close, I'm close, Come, thou day in night, Fuck, fuck, yes, Okay, I couldn't make it through, Fuck, okay, okay, Okay, well, I guess we learned that when it's been a few days, I cannot last half as long. Okay. Oh my God.

Wow, that was, that was fun. I need to do that again. If you have a monologue or a poem or a piece of lit that you want me to try and, try and get through, let me know.

Oh, fuck. Okay. I hope you enjoyed that.

I certainly did.