Hull Breach (Part 1)

Transcript

No way, man. I don't believe it. You, uh.

.. you don't believe what? I don't think it's possible.

What? You're. ..

you're eating it right now. Why don't you think it's possible? You mean to tell me that a shrimp fried this rice? Every time you open your mouth, I grow more concerned by the fact that you built this spaceship.

To imagine they'd go so far as to cook their own family into the food. That's metal, don't get me wrong, but damn, what absolute mad lads. I mean, maybe not though.

I don't even have a family. Who am I to say? Maybe I'd make goblin fried rice if I did.

Do people do it too? Did you cook your family? Jax, you can't just ask if she cooked her family.

That's cannibalism. What? I think you've been spending too much time around problem, big man.

Big words are for tiny thoughts. Why use many word when few word do trick? Alright, I'm going to bed.

Warning. Destroyer class signal detected. Oh boy.

That's not good. Would, uh. ..

Haven't they been following us for a while? Oh yeah. Weeks, months.

I actually don't know how long it's been. It has been, exactly. Not now.

I was talking. So, as I was saying, who really knows? Time is a mystery, right? But, it's been ever since we picked up that girl.

You're talking as if she's not right next to you. Oh. Yeah, you.

You're so quiet I sometimes forget you're there. So, why the alarm then? Well, you see, I set up the alarm to alert us when they're a little too close.

What does that mean? Like, a few minutes away. A few minutes? You have the alarm to alert us when a fucking destroyer is a few minutes away? Jax, a few minutes is within firing range.

We could literally be killed at any second. Is that what you're telling me? Okay, first of all, well, I mean, yes, we totally could.

They got some big guns on that thing, and if I'm being honest, they could have totally poofed us into a little red mist. Is your blood even red? Like, three hours ago.

What? But, they didn't. Right? It was like a little hypothesis I had.

About our lives? I mean, yeah, sure, why not? But, look, we're still here, yeah? The cannons on that monster space co- I mean, uh, ship are so big that nothing would be left of us.

Nada. So, like I said, that would have been said and done three hours ago, but it didn't. It wasn't.

Is that proper grammar? But, it's probably just because they want something here. Either you, Miss Quiet, or that crystal.

And now, they're a few minutes away. And now, they're a few minutes away. And now, they are a few minutes away.

Oh my god, shut up. Oh my god, okay, fine, I won't do that. Yeah, sorry.

Huh? What, uh, what do you mean, what are we gonna do about it? I mean, she's got a point.

If they're a few minutes away, what are we going to do? Oh, yeah, uh. The engine still isn't fixed, is it? Perfection takes time.

It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to work. Yeah, that's how low my bar for perfection is at this point in life. Okay, that's fair, I guess, but, also doesn't help the situation.

No, not really. So we're stuck here. Till they arrive and board us.

Uh, yeah. Listen, woman, I got a plan, okay? What do I look like to you, someone who just makes things up as they go along? Ah, that was rhetorical, you weren't supposed to answer that.

Alright then, little man. What's the plan, huh? Because if the engine isn't fixed now, there's no way we'll be within a few minutes, right? Yeah, no shot.

So, I was gonna go down, grab some mallets, and play the xylophone on Sid's ribcage, and sing a song about the time he lost the Battle of Morella. Or something. Shut the fuck up.

Do you want him to hear us? I know he phrased that like a joke, but if the sack of bones heard that, we might actually be dead before EPA finds us. Why? Why? Have you ever talked to Sid? He, uh, gets very excited.

What if you imply that he's ever lost a battle? Takes a lot to talk him down from. Wrecking everything in sight, so he can prove it to you.

I mean, yeah, it's true he's never lost a fight, once. But, like, there's a big difference between one army fighting another, or a small squad of us misfits taking on, like, a couple dozen tiny ships, or some other small number of angry dudes, turned into, uh, well, a whole-ass EPA destroyer packed full with trained soldiers. I'm sure he could do some damage, don't get me wrong, but those tin cans tend to have a seemingly limitless supply of, uh, well, everything, honestly.

If we thought there was even a sliver of a chance of us taking them on, we would have tried it for fun from the start. Pardon the interruption, but it seems that EPA has stopped replying to the Rickroll DDoS attack that you requested I send each time they attempt to open communication with us. They have begun the boarding process.

Our ship is immobile, and the hull is being breached at the front and the rear. With significant damage, our own internal communication may suffer, and I may be unable to provide support or updates. Damn.

They're really gonna double-stuff us, huh? I thought that was my thing. Well, I'll have to find some mail as I go.

Wait. You weren't joking about that. I mean, what else am I gonna do, huh? I don't mean to dampen the mood, but things ain't looking so good.

I gotta work fast, man, if I wanna work at all. What do we do? Why are you asking me? I don't know either.

I'm not the one with the brains on the ship. Alright. Alright, alright, let me think.

Like Jack said, they would have just blown us up if it wasn't for something they wanted, right? That's either you or the crystal. I know you've said that every single day, so if that's true and you're not really that important to them, then it's that crystal, right?

It can't be anything else. That means if they take it, then there's no reason why they won't just blow us up. Right.

We can't let them get it, or that'll be it. It's pretty safe where it is now, but if what Jack said is right, they'll be able to swarm the whole place. They'd find it eventually if they tear the ship apart.

Okay, I go get it, and then what? A nine-foot-tall crystal? I go get it, and then what? A nine-foot-tall brute is a bit more obvious than a crystal the size of your fist.

Hide where? I just said they'll dissect this metal tube piece by piece if they have to. You're insane.

That's like something Jacks would say just before laughing hysterically and then pulling out some new invention saying, just kidding, this will do it for us. Do you know how dumb it is to try to sneak on board their ship? Do I look like someone who does a lot of sneaking? Yeah, sure, the ship's massive.

I'm sure there's plenty of places to hide. But there's only two openings, remember? There's no chance we'd make it through one of those unnoticed.

There's no chance we'd make it here, though, sitting around waiting. Right. Fine.

I. .. I can't really think of anything else.

Ah. One step at a time, I guess. I'll go grab the crystal.

You. .. stay safe and don't die.

I guess. Arms ready. Shoot anything that moves.

This room's clear. Move on to the next. BIS signatures are below.

Squads 2 and 4, go investigate. Prepare for resistance. Room 4 is clear.

Prepare to breach the next one. Hello. It appears that you are sitting still and waiting.

While this may be because you are expecting to be rescued by EPA as they board the ship, the fact that they have just been ordered to shoot anything that moves makes me believe otherwise. Are you perhaps waiting around to die? Ah, yes.

My mistake. I see by raising your voice, you are in fact not waiting, but rather trying to die quickly. I am fully aware of what Tor said.

I am also aware of all the lifeforms on this ship, and will inform you that EPA soldiers will reach this room well before Tor returns, based on their current movement patterns. I am not telling you to do anything, except perhaps that if I was wrong in my original assumption that you were waiting to die, and you do, in fact, care for your life, that you should stop walking towards the door of the room, as the sound of it opening will alert the already nearby soldiers. That is true.

There is only one door to the room. However, on a spaceship, if the only ventilation for the room were the door, you would risk suffocation if that door were to remain closed for too long. I am not trying to give you a science lesson.

I am trying to hint at the fact that there are other ways to exit this room, aside from the door. However, since you seem to be oblivious to that, and in this case, perhaps you would like to use the excuse of your panicked state of mind, I will be a bit more blunt. On the wall to your left, in the corner and close to the ceiling, is a ventilation shaft.

While designed to only move air around through the vessel, it is large enough for you to fit inside. Luckily for you, Jax enjoys using these ventilation shafts to move throughout the ship, and often leaves them unfastened and easy to remove. Judging by your height, you should be able to reach it by pulling a chair up against the wall.

I have just locked the door to this room for your own safety. The EPA soldiers will have one more room to clear before they arrive at the one you are in now. I have estimated that it will take anywhere from 30 seconds to one minute before they are inside.

If you stay there, you will be waiting to die once again. Technically, I am talking to both of you. If you do wait in this room forever, it is inevitable that you will die, as all humans do.

However, to the other one that could be listening, I suggest turning to your right, passing by three places that you could exit, before turning to your left, and then exiting. And, I suggest you do so very quickly. Hey, wait a minute.

Why is the chair up against. .. Squad 6! I've got the human.

They've entered the vent system in room 5. You sure? I'm not reading anything.

Do you hear them? They're on the move! Shit! Center update.

I'll get in there after them. If you manage to follow my instructions correctly, you will land just outside the EPA ship. If you move quickly enough, you will be able to slip by undetected, due to a severe lack of insight.

I see them! They're up ahead! Get your ass back here! Gah! Damn, they're fast! Come on! Almost got you! What? You think getting out of the vent will mean you're free? Come on, where you gonna go now, huh? Run as much as you want.

You're on our ship. You can't get away.