Himbo Wanders into Your House on Halloween so You Give Him a Love Potion - Part 1

Transcript

Hello? Anyone here? Uh.

.. Hello? Hello? Man, what'd I get myself into? Is this just like.

.. an abandoned house? It's so nice on the outside, that'd blow my mind.

Looks maintained? Habited? Inhabited? Habited? What is habited? Was that a noise? Hello? Uh.

.. Hello, is anybody there? The, uh.

.. The door was just kind of. ..

open. I kinda thought it was, uh. ..

Hello? Nobody? I'm talking to myself again? Usually.

.. Usually in haunted houses, something, uh. ..

spooky happens by now. I don't know if it's just like really atmospheric in a way that I don't understand, or. ..

wasn't actually, like, open to the public. Actually come to think of it, I'm pretty sure most haunted houses have like a ticket counter or something at the front. Holy shit! Oh my god! Whew! Oh my god! Oh, you scared the shit out of me! Fuck, that was.

.. Whew! Okay, okay, I'm okay.

Whew, man! That was good. That was good.

Jesus. I, uh. ..

Lost? Uh. ..

Is this your place, then? You know, you kind of left the door like wide open, you know that, right? I mean, it's.

.. It's Halloween, I kinda. ..

I guess I. .. took it as like an invitation.

Kind of, probably shouldn't have. Should I not have? Is this, uh.

.. Is this not a haunted house? Was that jump scare you did just then, was that unintentional then? I mean, come on, there's a lot of decorations, but.

.. There's no one else here, is there? Huh.

Well, fuck. Waiting for me? You mean like, well, waiting for someone, right? It is a haunted house, then, yeah? First enjoyer of the attraction, huh? Look.

Yeah, I know I'm early. The sun's still up and everything, I just, I. ..

I can't stay up late anymore. Having an office job for like the first time ever has kind of ruined my sleep schedule, or. ..

Maybe it gave me one? Anyways, I just wanted to like wander around and see Halloween before all the little kids ran rampant. You know, their costumes are great, but they're loud as fuck.

All the crowds get really annoying. So. ..

I guess I'm the, uh, I'm the first one here, then, right? And the. ..

The only one, uh. .. Just, just what the fuck do you mean by that? That's a really weird thing to say, okay? Okay, yeah, so that's, uh.

.. That's actually the second time you said you were waiting for me. Um.

.. Do you mean like. ..

Me? Me, actually me, this guy, pointing at myself, me. Not, uh, not someone else, not literally like just a person.

You, you mean me, this, this me, the me right here. Why? Also, how? I'm, uh, I'm new here.

I don't think I know you. I mean, look, okay, I know I'm really bad with names, but I'm usually okay with faces, especially pretty ones like yours. I'd remember you, but I don't, so.

.. How could you have been waiting for me? Wait, wait, okay, okay, okay, no, no, no, no, I get it, I get it, I get it.

You're being really clever. This is a haunted house, right? You're purposely acting creepy and, uh, witchy, I guess, to kind of, like, freak me out, right? So, is there, uh, like a safe word or something just to give me, like, a little bit of comfort that you're, like, playing off a script or something?

Because. .. Suddenly, I kind of feel like I shouldn't have actually mentioned that I'm new here and don't know anyone.

You know what, maybe, maybe that was not true. Maybe I actually, uh, know a lot of people in town. By the way, that's, that's right, yeah, that's a good start.

Uh, a lot of people. Like, a lot. Like, people that would be concerned if I didn't pop back online in, like, I don't know, 20 minutes.

From, uh, from my desktop computer, specifically at home, which can't be moved. Um, and they would call the police if they didn't hear from me before they went to bed. Or even, sorry, before they know I go to bed.

Which is early, by the way, like, uh. .. What time is it right now? Um.

.. Seven? No, sorry.

Eight, eight-forty-five. They'd call the, they'd call the police. Just.

.. You know, to, uh. ..

Just to throw that out there. So that you're. ..

Very, uh. .. Very aware.

Mm. Okay. Okay, that's.

.. That's a little, a little reassuring. Saying you won't hurt me.

Um. .. I guess.

.. I guess I am kind of the one who came into your house uninvited, now that I think about it, huh? And I'm.

.. I'm like some big, muscular dude, and you're. ..

Well. .. Not.

Maybe I should be, like, reassuring you that I won't hurt you. But you also just don't seem nervous at all. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, okay, so maybe, um. .. Stop phrasing it like that.

You were waiting for me. Why? Why would you be waiting for me? That's weird, okay? I don't even know you.

You don't even know me! To try out your new. ..

I'm sorry, your new what? Your. ..

Love potion. Am I this special? You're more invested in this than my dad was in high school when he found out I barely passed Calc with a C.

I, look. .. I try.

.. I try really hard to look good, and I know I go to the gym too often, so I'm. ..

I'm flattered, but. .. You weren't gonna, like, just jump that on anyone that came in, were you? Just me.

Just, uh, like, specifically me. Okay, so. ..

Yeah, okay, so this potion. Uh. ..

Really? Like, just me? No one else? Okay, I gotta put this out there.

Kinda sounds like you're gonna drug me. Yeah, yeah, a little bit, but. ..

You know what? Okay, alright, look, look. This is it, I'll take.

.. I'll take a sip, like, just a little, a little sip. So this, uh.

.. This is water, right? Okay, okay, uh.

.. So, tasteless, odorless, clear, somehow not alcohol. I, uh.

.. I just, you know, gotta say it again, being brutally honest, it. ..

It really does feel. .. Like you're drugging me with this.

I did, I did mention, right? That a lot of people would definitely call the police right away if I went missing. Like, immediately.

A lot of people, the people, they know me. They'd do that. They'd know right away.

I'd mention that, right? You're not drugging me, you swear. This is going to be, like, the worst decision I ever make.

Because I'm pretty sure it's situations like these where the people don't actually wake up in the end. But I guess I'm also an idiot with a weak spot for girls like you, so. ..

Fuck it, right? Ah. Ah.

So. .. Um.

.. When's the drowsiness supposed to settle in? Okay, well.

Not supposed to feel drowsy, that's a plus to hear. Um. ..

But I. .. I, uh.

.. Like, I don't feel anything at all, actually. Like, at all, at all.

But that's good, that's good, that's good, right? That means you weren't drugging me, you weren't lying, that's good. Hey.

Wha. .. You seem.

.. You seem a little down. About that.

It's good that you weren't drugging me. What's with the face? What's wrong? Love potion.

Right. Hmm. Hmm.

I mean. .. Well, maybe, like, could that.

.. Could that be why. ..

I feel like my heart. .. Beating a little.

.. A little faster? No, I'm not kidding, yeah, it's like.

.. It's like, I don't know, I'm getting nervous or something, but. ..

Well, I mean. .. I mean, to be honest, I was nervous ever since I first saw you.

But not just because you're creepy. I love the outfit, actually, it's really. ..

It's really good, it's. .. It's really.

.. I mean, I was. ..

A bit nervous. You're just fucking gorgeous, that's all. I said that out loud too, didn't I? That's.

.. That's a little embarrassing. I think I'm.

.. I think I'm gonna go now. No, look.

.. I'd love to stay, I really would. But, okay, the longer I'm here.

.. And the more you. ..

Are in my eyesight. .. The.

.. The dirtier my thoughts get. And you were driving me a bit crazy at first, but.

.. Now. ..

Oh, Jesus Christ, I feel like I'm burning up. Oh, God. No, no, no, like.

.. No, like, actually, actually. ..

I promise, my face isn't. .. It's not just for me blushing, I mean.

.. I am. ..

I'm sure I definitely am blushing, but no, it's. .. It's actually, like, it's really hot in here.

Did you crank up the heat or something when I wasn't looking? When I wasn't looking? No, no, yeah.

No, of course, of course you didn't. I mean, really, that was kind of a stupid question, because I actually haven't stopped looking at all. Which I also just fucking admitted to out loud.

You know what? You know what? Fuck it, right? You're smiling.

My pulse is through the fucking roof. If this is going poorly, just tell me, okay? Yeah? I mean, you literally gave me what you call the love potion, so either please just admit you're laughing and doing this for, I don't know, the fucking lols, or.

.. Uh. ..

God, I don't know. You know what? I'm just gonna start taking my shirt off.

Okay, so. .. You are batshit crazy.

Uh, but it's Halloween.