He Came Back... [M4F] [Exes to Lovers?] [Reverse Comfort] [Tsundere Ex-Boyfriend]

Transcript

Hey. It's me. Sorry, it's loud.

It's raining pretty hard out here. Listen, um, can I come over? I know it's late, and I know you're fighting after the breakup, but I really want to see you, and I don't think I can wait.

Please? Just for a little while? Thanks.

Thank you. Genuinely. I'll be there in five.

I've kind of just been walking around the block over and over, trying to work up the nerve to call or knock. I grabbed some supplies from the gas station. Yeah.

See you in a second. Hey. Yeah.

I'll take my boots off. Thanks again. Oh, um, how have you been? That's fair.

You have every right to be angry at me. How I ended things was immature, and, uh, and you deserve better. I just, it's gotten to be so much, and I can't think, and I don't want to drink again, and you said I could always come to you if it got too much, and, uh, sorry.

I'm calming down. I just, I needed to be in your arms or I was going to wait. I don't know.

Fucking lose it. You still have some of my clothes. Right.

Good. I'll get changed, and then I'll meet you in bed. Thank you so much.

This, this has to be miserable for you. You just want to move on, I'm sure, especially after all the bullshit I put you through. But I, I, I just needed to feel you hold me one more time.

It's, it's scary out there. The, the job's fine. It's, it's not the job.

I, I should have told you. I should have told you. I knew you wouldn't judge me, but no.

I had to pull the macho hero bullshit and try to hide what was causing the pain. It was never you. Maybe you, you never did anything wrong, I swear, but you deserve to know.

You, you know I was in the military. You know I got discharged, honourably. Discharged regardless.

I told you that I got injured, and that was why, but back then, I was bright-eyed, hopeful, wanting to pay for school so I could do something with my meaningless fucking life. And what I ended up doing was, was watch my entire squad fucking die. I, I was a bully in high school.

I thought I was such a big fucking shot that nothing could stop me. Then, we hit a mine. I mostly got tossed back, but my boys, my, my friends, literally in pieces.

Some of them crying for them, for their mothers, when God knows their mothers couldn't do anything at that point but bury them. I, I know it wasn't my fault, but every day, I ask myself, why me? What makes me so fucking worthy of still being alive? Nothing, absolutely nothing.

Yet, here I am, ruining everything good in my life, acting out, acting cold, and pushing you away when you're the one person who always understood, even missing half of the picture. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

I, I didn't want to become a drunk like my father, I, I, but I didn't know any other way to, to make it stop. I'm so sorry, I, I, I didn't know how to look you in the eye and say, I love you more than anyone or anything else, but I'm poisoned and you deserve better. Because I know you would have just looked at me with those beautiful eyes and assured me that you loved me just as I am, and that I would have, and it would have fucking killed me to see you suffer for my sake.

No, don't, those headbutts are a drug, quit it. Baby, don't, I, I, I can't fall in love with you anymore, I can't miss you any more than I already do. Fuck's sake, I drove 30 miles just hoping you'd see me, doesn't that sound a little unhinged to you? And a little romantic, huh? I think you might need a man offering higher standards in terms of being a partner, you deserve better.

You just want me to be better, regardless if you're there or not, I, I know, I know I need help. But you're not my caretaker, you don't need to. Yeah, yeah, I can't spend the day here so we can look for options, I, thank you.

I'm so sorry, I broke your heart, I just, you were doing so well and I was, I was bringing you down, that's not fair, it never could be fair to you. And I just wanted to do one thing right, I wanted to do right by you. I, I'm not punishing myself, I, I, I'm, I, I just want to be good for you, I just want you to be able to look at me and not see some surly bastard that broke up with you.

I want you to be able to think, hey, he made it, good for him, you are already proud of me, I love you so much, fuck, I'm so sorry, I, I, thank you. Do, fuck, it felt so stupid to ask, but do you think maybe there, there might be a chance? We'll focus on getting me better first, fair enough.

Mm-hmm, I think, I think I can actually sleep now, for the first time in a long time. Thank you, sweetheart, thank you for letting me stay in your arms for a little while longer. I love you, good night, my angel.

A little while longer. I love you, good night, my angel.