"Give Up Love For Peace Sake" [M4A] [Break Up] [Unsupportive Family] [Low Self Esteem]

Transcript

Trigger Warning. This audio will contain mentions of body image slash BDD, mentions of low self-esteem, and mentions of unsupportive family. If this is too much or triggering for you, I urge you to skip this audio roleplay.

Your mental health is more important. Viewer discretion is advised. Hey, yeah, are you busy right now? I'm really sorry to disturb you.

I've been trying to find the right time, but after hearing you would like us to spend the holidays with your family, I realized there's no right time to say this. Yes, actually, it is serious. To me, at least.

It's very serious. Oh, no, no, no, please sit down. I think it's best if we're comfortable.

I'll sit on the couch with you. Yeah, it does have something to do with your family. I hope this doesn't come off as rude, but I have to tell the truths I'm experiencing.

Honey, we've been together for a year and three months. I'm afraid to say I am starting to lose myself. I flourished with you, I really did, but it's just, it's not enough anymore.

I feel as if I'm too far gone. I was really happy, like really happy when you brought up introducing me to your family. I felt great because of how much your family meant to you.

I'm very thankful that you wanted me included there. It's just, that Sunday dinner really started my path of destruction. I saw when their smiles slowly faded, when their eyes landed on me.

Of course, I tried not to read too much into it, but around the table I felt a little targeted. The comments on little things about my physical features, granted, I was a little uncomfortable and we did talk about it, yeah. Of course, I know you said you spoke to them right after, but that's not really the point.

The truth is, it never really stopped. I mean, it got worse for me, honey. I still heard comments and got asked sly questions.

Are you going to eat that much? Are you used to not eating at all? These aren't things I'm used to.

I never watch how much or how little I ate, I just knew I ate when I was hungry. I really started to get hyper aware of everything I did. They basically commented on everything about me.

My hair, my body, my clothes, how I spoke, my interests, efforts. No, they never did it in your direct presence. I mean, I did tell you the first couple of times, I was almost nagging too.

My self-esteem dropped to the pits of hell and I just stopped telling you. I got very tired. It also never changed anything because they just downplayed it when you brought it up.

I don't recognize myself anymore. I was never this self-critical or even this insecure. I was basically changing my clothes, hesitant to have a meal, meticulously fixing my hair, calculating how much I shared in conversations and how I spoke.

Baby, that is not me. That's not the me I'm used to. They really love you, they just don't love me.

It's clear and I tried not to look at the factor because I have so much love for you and you validated how I felt, but I can't anymore. They took more out of me than you could give. I hate that I have to admit this.

I really don't want them around me anymore. I know you hold your family in high regard so I never thought of making you choose. So I'm at a choice already.

I think we should break up. Please, I'm not skipping any steps. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

It's your family, Denmy. I understand that so I'm taking responsibility for myself. I really don't want to yell.

I don't want to get too emotional. I'm trying to show you that they are breaking me down. They don't like me.

They just. .. They do go out of their way to be nice around you, but the moment you leave or turn your back, I'm targeted.

They really do love you, not me. Be honest with me. Were you ever stern when you spoke to them? Or did you just ask them nicely to stop making those comments? You.

.. You do know there is a difference. I really feel it's unfair to say I'm overreacting.

Do I look like the same person you met a year ago? Even you saw iTunes, you even asked about it. I'm just.

.. I'm tired. I'm drained.

I am wholeheartedly finished with trying to ignore and overlook. I see where I am placed on your ranking and I've. ..

I've decided not to make a fuss. I wanted to leave peacefully, but I. ..

I don't know, I just. .. I didn't want to leave without a reason.

I really saw no space for a compromise and to be truthful, I. .. I've lost the will to try.

I just want to go and heal. And get back to myself. No, please, listen, please, don't.

.. Don't give me ifs and buts. Just.

.. Please just accept the reality. I'm.

.. I'm honestly open to being friends. Distant ones.

No, no, no, baby, I don't. .. I don't hate you.

I can't hate you. I just don't want to be here anymore. I still hope you can be stern and serious with your family.

They are, like, two generations of adults, they. .. They really should see they are wrong, I.

.. I don't wish this on anyone else. No, no, no, no.

I'm sorry, Dee. I love you, just. ..

Don't work anymore. I'm. ..

I'm already struggling to love myself. I hate that. ..

That I had to do this, but I. .. I just.

.. I just had to, I. ..

I have my bags in the closet, I. .. I was planning on leaving in the morning, but.

.. I totally understand if you want me to leave now and I could just grab my bags and go and. ..

As long as I don't make you uncomfortable, I. .. Yeah, I can.

.. I can stay until the morning. Hey, um.

.. I'm really sorry things have to end this way, I. ..

We really need to address our problems separately. For our own good. I.

.. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry.