Getting to Know the MILF Next Door (SFW Version)

Transcript

Okay, here we are. Sorry about that, I usually have cash, and for some reason today I just didn't. I do appreciate you cutting my grass for me though.

One of these days I will get the hang of these e-transfer things. I sound really old when I say that. So, your parents away for the weekend? Yeah, I saw them leave this morning.

Good, good for them. I know your dad works really hard. What about you? Well, if memory serves, isn't it always pizza and beer when the parents are away? I seem to remember somebody saying that.

Not too long ago, actually. Are you starving yet? Why don't you come in and have something to eat? I just put out a plate of sandwiches on the table.

Oh, come on, I insist. You can't survive the weekend on pizza and beer. Maybe when you were 17 or 18, but now it's a little different.

Okay, it's just in the living room here. Have a seat. There's salmon and cucumber, there's turkey club, and there's egg salad.

No, I wasn't expecting anyone. I just never know what I want, and I figured what I didn't eat now I would put in the fridge and eat later. So, help yourself.

My husband? Well, if I had to guess, I would say he's in the Bahamas about now with his new wife and my kids. No, it's okay.

You don't have to apologize. We split up a while ago now. You were away at school.

Well, I don't believe three people belong in a marriage, and he disagreed, so we kind of went our separate ways. Yeah, the new wife is, well, she's different than me, so let's just put it that way. Oh, you're sweet.

He didn't see it that way. He didn't seem to think that he had anything worth staying around for, so he's happy now, and he takes the kids for a few weeks every summer. He's got them this week, next week, and the week after.

It's going to be a long few weeks, but it's good for them to spend time with their dad. It does mean I'm here by myself. Actually, I'm going away next week with a girlfriend, so I've asked your parents to watch the house while I'm gone.

Your dad said he would take in the mail and make sure that the timers on the lights work and that kind of thing, so I appreciate that. People being neighborly. How's the sandwich? Good? Good.

Better than cold pizza and beer, although the beer might be questionable. Well, if you're ever hungry, I always make more food than I need, because I don't actually eat all that much, I realized. I just like to cook, so figure that out.

I'm not keeping you from anything, am I? I mean, I know you were just here to pick up the payment for cutting the grass. Mm-hmm.

Well, that'll be fun. What movie are you going to see? Fair.

Figure it out when you get there. Is it a group? Yeah? Friends and your girlfriend? Oh, sorry.

I didn't mean to overstep. You don't have a girlfriend? Play in the field? Summer before your senior year? Do they call it senior year in college? I don't know.

It's been a while. Before your final year in college? Mm-hmm.

Well, that makes sense. You've got plenty of time for that. Mm-hmm.

Well, I know your parents are super proud of you. Every time I talk to them, it's always, he's doing this, or he's doing that, or he got this grade on an exam, or this project got this mark, or this professor said this. It's always something.

I'm sorry, did I embarrass you? It's good that they're proud of you. It's amazing that they're proud of you.

It's a parent thing, trust me. I'm the same way with my kids. They're a little younger than you, but quite a bit younger than you, but it's the same thing.

What? Oh, I'm glad. I'm glad you're finding it easy to just relax and talk.

I'm not scary, am I? Oh, was I the wicked witch next door? Because that'd be kind of fun, I think.

Oh, I didn't mean to embarrass you. It's okay. Have another sandwich.

I'm just happy to have somebody to talk to right now. It does get kind of quiet around here. I'm thinking about getting a cat, but I'm a little worried that I'm gonna become a crazy cat lady, and when my kids are home, it's never quiet.

So, you know, for those few weeks and the weekends that they're with their dad, I don't know that it's worth it. I hadn't thought about it, to be honest. No.

No. Dating again wasn't really on the radar. No, it's fine.

It's fine. I guess I just didn't think about it. Kind of the same reason you don't have a girlfriend.

Other things take precedence, I guess. Right? Yeah.

But I mean, a good-looking kid like you doesn't have a girlfriend. What chance does an over-the-hill chick like me have of finding a man? I mean, honestly.

Okay, don't choke. Don't choke. I was kidding.

Chill. Don't choke. You're fine.

You okay? Sorry, I just couldn't resist. You just looked really uncomfortable for a second.

I didn't realize that it would make you choke on the sandwich. Don't be embarrassed. What? You are a good-looking kid.

And you're not actually a kid anymore. No. No, you haven't been a kid for quite some time.

You're what, mid-twenties now? Yeah. So that doesn't qualify as a kid anymore.

I mean, you're still young compared to me. But no, I'm not a senior citizen. How old do you think I am? Given the age of my kids, think about this very, very closely before you answer.

Mm-hmm. I've probably got 10 or 12 years on you. Not a whole lot more, if that.

Mm-hmm. Well, that's good to know. It's good to know that I won't have any issues if I decide to start dating again.

I appreciate that. It's been a long time since anybody told me I was hot. No, I'm serious.

Thank you. You can say whatever you want. If it's over the line, I'll tell you.

Well, I'm not going to disagree with you there. My ex was a dick. I always wondered if the neighborhood kids had something to do with that.

Yeah. Well, we kind of knew something was up when his car got egged, but he was an asshole to everybody. So, yeah.

Mm-hmm. I won't tell him. I promise.

I also agree with that. I am better off. You seem to have a very strong opinion about this.

Did he rub you the wrong way or something? He run over your bike when you were a kid? Wouldn't surprise me.

Oh. Well, I'm going to have to think about that for a second. No, you didn't say anything wrong.

It's just it's a very unexpected point of view. Mm-hmm. It's not every day somebody tells me that he was too stupid to see what he had while he had it.

Mm-hmm. I mean, my close friends do because they have to. But somebody that doesn't have to say that.

Thank you. Smoking hot, huh? You're just not even caring anymore, are you? Don't be embarrassed.

It's okay. Mm-hmm. Well, apparently I feed you and it's like the perfect way to get you to start talking.

Mm-hmm. I knew the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, but I didn't know that was a way to his chatterbox as well. Okay.

No, what are you doing? Why are you getting up? Did you get enough to eat? Well, you don't have to leave.

No, no, it's fine. No, I'm not uncomfortable. Are you? You look uncomfortable.

Sit down. Sit down, please. Why are you so keen to leave all of a sudden? Did you get a bad sandwich? No, you didn't say anything that creeped me out.

No, I'm not offended. No. It's sweet what you said.

And I'm never going to turn away somebody that tells me I'm smoking hot, honestly. Wow. Okay.

Whoa. Take a breath. Take a breath.

Yes, I heard you, but I need you to take a breath because I'm a little afraid you're going to hyperventilate right now. Okay. You're okay.

Yes. Yes. You said that I'm the most attractive woman you've ever seen.

I did hear you. But again, I'm a little concerned you're going to hyperventilate. So let's deal with that first.

Okay. Okay, good. Thank you.

You really are just a sweet guy, aren't you? Mm-hmm. I'm probably fucking crazy, but you've been staring at me pretty much through this whole conversation, except for the times that you thought you fucked up and couldn't look me in the eye.

Would you like to kiss me? I thought so. Why would it be wrong? I'm single.

You're an adult. Mm-hmm. Come here.

It's okay. Mm-hmm. Your whole body just shivered.

You okay? You still want to leave? Oh, okay.

Sure. If you want to tell me something, go ahead. I'm a little worried now.

That's okay. Yeah. Not having a lot of experience is not a problem.

What are you telling me? Let me help. Are you telling me you'd like to be with me? Mm-hmm.

Are you a virgin? No? Okay.

Just haven't gone there much. Have you ever been with somebody older? No? Well, all right then.

This is gonna be fun.