Friend - 3am Conversation - The one

Transcript

Now here's what I'm trying to say, okay? This, yeah, just hold on, hold on. This is exactly what I'm trying to say.

Let me put it into words, alright? And a lot of you are not gonna agree with me, but I don't care because I truly believe this. There isn't the one.

Hold on, let me elaborate, okay? As you all know, I've been with my girlfriend for around three years, right? Yeah, great, okay.

The thing is, she isn't the one. This, this thing that we have in our heads where it's like that romantic fairy tale of the one, you have to wait for the one. In a way, it is true, but not to the extent that we believe it is.

Not to the hyper romanticized way that pop culture and society has made it seem like it is, okay? Yes, there are people that are compatible to us, but it isn't just one person. And let me explain this in a deeper way, okay? You'd think, well, why are you saying this? You've literally had a girlfriend for three years, you guys are amazing.

Yes, that is very true, and hey, hey, I understand that, and I agree. She is the one, alright? But what I mean by this is, she's the one that I found that we worked on, that we were somewhat very compatible, and we're working towards a relationship, alright?

It isn't just gonna be the one where it's gonna be easy. That's the problem. We think that there's just that other person that's gonna be exactly the way that we are, or compatible to us at a hundred percent.

And that is never going to happen. You could find a person that is very compatible to you, but there will always be struggle. There will always be, that's that's the thing you have to, it's a decision.

Love is a decision. It is a decision to work on it, to make it better, to build something together. But you also have to realize that you have to be building yourself, and they have to be building themselves, and then together you build that other thing.

It's three separate things, but they kind of feed off of each other in a good way. Now, I did go on a tangent there. Give me one second, let me take a little sip here.

We still good on drinks? Yeah? No, I can't drink tonight.

I mean, I have work tomorrow, so I can't really drink. Now, what was I saying? Okay, here, let me go deeper into this.

This is what I mean, okay? Okay, I have the perfect way to explain it, alright? There are the ones, alright? In your lifetime, you might interact with how many people? A few thousand, right? Most people.

This is the average person, by the way. I'm not saying this is everyone, I'm just, you know, averaging it out. Now, that means that you've met, what, 0.000000001% of the population on the planet?

There are around 8 billion people on the planet right now, and people being born every day, and people dying every day, like thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of people born and dying every day, like a cycle, right? Think about that for a moment. Think about it.

Every second, people are born. Babies are born, right? Every second, people die.

And you're telling me there's supposed to be just one person that's the one? That's not how it works. It's not.

And a lot of the times, a lot of people, that's the pedestal we put it on, is that you have to find the one. No, you don't. You have to find a person that is as compatible as you are, or that likes the same things that you like, that have similar goals, that like each other, that, you know, you're sexually attracted to, obviously, unless you're, you know, asexual, which I think in some ways, you are attracted in another sexual way that isn't physically or physicality.

I don't know. Don't quote me on this, alright guys? I apologize for my ignorance.

But yeah, look, the point is, there are these specific attributes that make a relationship work, that make two people work, alright? When you find someone that absolutely you have to have some things in common, you do. You don't have to have everything in common.

They don't have to be compatible to you at a hundred percent. They don't have to be the one. That's your other half.

It's your soulmate. That doesn't exist. It's individuals.

And these two individuals decide, I like you. You know what? I love you.

After, you know, a while, I love you. And they decide that they love you. And then you form this beautiful agreement, this beautiful contract to one another to build something.

To be like, you know what? You have flaws. I have flaws.

And you have beautiful things that make you a person that I find beautiful. And I have beautiful things that you find beautiful. So we're gonna work on those flaws.

I'm gonna work on mine. You're gonna work on yours. We might help each other.

We're gonna make each other better. And then we're gonna build something together. We're gonna build a life, right? That would be the one.

And that other person, they're not even the one. You understand what I'm saying? It could be hundreds of people, thousands of people that might be compatible with you.

That are literally at 90% compatible with you. But it's the decision. It's making the decision to work on something.

To build something. It is a choice. That's what it is.

Love is a choice. And it's work. But that work, what's the saying? Do something that you love and you'll never work a day in your life? It's especially true in a relationship.

Because if you truly love the other person, that work isn't work. It's just everyday life. It's just living with something, someone that you love every single day.

Does it work? Of course it is by definition. But it isn't when it's something that you're passionate on.

Something that you love. So that relationship becomes that. It's not work anymore.

It's passion. It's love. It's intimacy.

Do you guys understand what I'm saying? I'm sorry. I just, I was going on a tangent.

I apologize. But that's what I'm trying to explain, okay? Overall, the point is, there is no the one.

There's a bunch of people that could be the one. The thing is, you're meeting a lot of people every day. And you got to meet a lot of people to find these people.

Because you're a very complex individual. But there's eight billion people on the planet. And if you find one person where you can be in a relationship with them for a year or two and feel super happy with them.

Imagine all the other people that you're missing out on. And I don't mean this to say that you can't be with one person for your entire life. Don't even misinterpret that.

I'm just talking about there isn't just the one. There's people. A lot of people.

But you don't meet a lot of people every day. That's the first thing. And secondly, it's a choice.

It is a choice to find someone that, yes, is compatible with you. But that you're choosing to love and to work on and to have a relationship with. Now, I hope I explained myself properly enough to you guys.

But, you know, I tried. And if you don't agree with me, then that's fine. I don't, you know, it's fine.

But I just really don't think there's just the one. Oh, here's actually a really funny like another thing, right? You have people who are made for a very long time.

And let's say they're actually happy. And tragically something happens and someone dies, right? Then they find someone else.

It's happened before. You've probably heard of something like this or seen something like this. They find someone, years later or whatever, that they're also happy with.

How could that be, right? You think, oh, that's impossible. They have their soulmate.

They die. Well, then that wouldn't be true, right? They wouldn't, they shouldn't be able to find anyone else.

But they did. That's a prime example. All I'm saying is, is don't put the pressure of the one.

There isn't the one. You decide on who the one is. And they decide if you're their the one.

That's what it is, okay? So that's all I wanted to say. Anyways, we can talk about anything else.

Anybody else seen the new season of You yet? Yeah? Let's talk about that then.

I just finished it last night and I have some thoughts.