❤️ 🥰 For the Sheets, Not the Streets 🥰 ❤️ (F4M) (Cat Girlfriend) (Cuddle Addict) (Our First Christmas Alone) (Lay on My T*ddies)

Transcript

Come on, come on, come, come, come, follow the call of a needing one, because the meaning is in the word. I need you. Yeah, but now I have a Pavlovian response to sleeping next to you, please.

Don't you want me to have optimal sleep? Now I know you're not a selfish person. I know you would never do that to me, no.

You couldn't, you wouldn't, you mustn't. Look at me, I'm waning, I'm waxing, I'm practically the moon. Help me, I'm codependent.

Yes, please. Okay, but please hurry. Oh no, lady, I need my sleep and my snugs and every possible need attending to.

Nice try. I gave you sex two hours ago, don't be greedy. Yeah, well, you ate it like a candy bar, so.

Don't be greedy. Don't do it. But consider it aftercare.

After you so violently used and abused me by very thoughtfully laying on top of me. It was very good, thank you. In a very satisfying and tingling way.

I love you. Please hurry. What? No.

No. You can't be this good looking and thoughtful, it's against the rules. Okay, I guess you can.

Get in, get in. Climb aboard. I hate this meal.

I'm just gonna call V. You might be my true love, but hot water bottles, definitely my first. This'll make your tummy all warm and you feel centered and secure and just want to snuggle down.

Yeah, but we choose when I can have both of you. Come here. I'll let you share.

Poppy. Am I squishing you in all the right ways? Yeah.

Five points to Hufflepuff. I'm loyal and good hearted and I have no idea what's going on. You would be a Ravengriff and Slytherin great thing.

Mhm. I diagnosed you as pretty great. I love it.

Better. If there is anything I excel at it is, I hate it better. Mhm.

Yeah, when I said I was good and bad, I probably should have specified. Oh, well, we're here now. Hey, your belly's full and the hot water bottle is soothing away.

And we are going to have the coziest, quietest, calmest Christmas you ever did. No other people, no pressure, no stress. No.

When are you getting here? Just because we both hate all those things. And it's Christmas.

We are going to do whatever we want to do. And if that seems boring to other people, we do not care. This ain't going on Instagram.

It is mine and yours. It is perfect and quiet. You do know I'm a cat, right? Mhm.

Notoriously, you don't like other people very much. Except a certain few. Oh, they're not coming to mind right now, but oh, well.

You and my mom. My sister. Sometimes.

I don't like her husband. I don't. Because he's mad.

She's amazing. I'm allowed my opinion. Yes.

So long as he's fabulous and a magician and able to do everything and accommodate her in every way. But she's my baby. My little sister.

She deserves to be happy. I'm sure she could be happier. No, it's your fault.

You giving me these unrealistic expectations of romance. How are other people supposed to compete? How? You smell good.

You feel good. You brought me a hot water bottle. You're essentially a billionaire magician sex god.

High five. High five. You're welcome.

Of course, I do say that to all my lovers. Oh, yeah. All one of you.

I know, but don't be jealous now. No. Me? I am perfectly logical.

You are very pretty. And not just because it gave you those PJs. One more.

I can't help that I have amazing taste. Don't be a hater. Don't be a hater when you can be a lover.

Oh, I want, like, some loving right about now. Could you please give my forehead a great big peck? Oh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Oh, no. No more singing. Just snogs.

No. Because your ears will bleed and you need those. Yes, you do.

How else will you refill the hot water bottle? Oh, you have to think about these things. No, no, no, no, no.

Excuse me. You already got your Christmas wish. Well, she's fluffy and warm and I hear she has the cutest little ears.

Oh, I hope you like your present. And your dreams. No, we will have to wait that exhausting amount of time.

Oh, it's so hard being you. Nobody understands. I know, baby.

You're a little hard done by Smosh. Can I ask you something? Want a titty pillow help? Then why didn't you say? Come here.

Now. Of course. Always willing and ready.

You know, when I told you I was a grandma. I bet by day 30, I'll sleep by 10. Because that's the way I like it.

Because sleeping is so, so good. I will teach you my ways. Before you know it, you'll be a sleeping, napping professional.

And think about all this time we have over Christmas. All that I can teach you. You are in good hands, my friend.

Mm-hmm. These hands, to be exact. No, I paraphrased it from Inglourious Bastards.

Which is a really good movie, in case you didn't know. 100 Nancy scalps. Or how about my scalps? Should we put that on the Christmas movie list? They're not exactly cheery, but entertaining.

You will not be disappointed. I can't help it, being with you makes me feel safe. Warm and snuggly.

And like, yep, I'm home. And I got a hot water bottle and you. Mm-hmm.

Happy, happy girl.