Falling Asleep on Your Boyfriend's Lap

Transcript

Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you up? Okay, I see. Yeah, yeah, I'll join you in a bit.

I'm just, I'm just finishing this up. Okay? Why don't you try going back to sleep? You having trouble sleeping? Okay.

No, no, it's fine. I'll just wrap things up and I'll join you in a bit. Does that sound good? Alright, good.

Do you want to hold my hand? Come on, don't be shy. I know you want to hold my hand.

Do I have to grab it from you? Yeah, I know, I'm typing, but it's okay. I can type with one hand.

Do you not want to hold my hand? Okay, okay. I'm here, I'm here.

Better? Okay, good. Give me one sec.

Okay. Pumpkin, are you still up? I thought so.

I just finished. Okay. Alright.

Do you want to try going back to sleep? Yeah? Okay, I'm here.

Hold tight. Don't let go of my hand. Okay, why don't we try something new? Okay, sit up for a bit.

Alright, put your head on my lap. Come on, I'm being serious. Sit on my lap.

With pleasure. Okay, come here. Are my thighs just fine? Okay, that's good.

I don't think we've done this before, so we'll see where this goes. But, you know, maybe this could be a new thing and you'll end up falling asleep even better. Now what this requires is your astute concentration.

Concentration on just not thinking about anything at all. Alright? Let me do the work for now.

You just focus on not thinking about anything. On being as calm as you can be. On slowing down your body.

And just focusing on the little things. Starting with your breath. Breathe in.

And breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Do you want me to talk? Okay, I can talk. I always, always ask that, even if I know what your answer's gonna be.

But it's always just fun hearing it, you know? So let me pull out my bag again and just talk and talk and talk until my mouth runs dry. It's okay.

No need to think about anything. You know, the past few weeks have been pretty tough for me as well. You know, it's always just the usual.

Thinking about a lot of stuff. There's a lot of uncertainty when it comes to the future, I guess. And it's just not something that I'm used to.

When I was a little kid, everything was planned out. I had all these big dreams and wild aspirations of going places and being all these crazy people. And it was fun.

It was fun thinking like that. Putting myself up on a pedestal. The older you get, you understand the limits of what you can do, what you can't.

And I knew that. I knew that from a very early age. I knew I wasn't gonna be the greatest poet of our time.

Or I wasn't gonna be the best NBA player. At least I'll dream big in many ways. And there comes a point where you understand that things really aren't gonna go the way you want them to go.

The way your little self planned them 10, 12 years ago. And you slowly accept it. You slowly tell yourself that it's fine.

It's just the course of life. But it doesn't make it any easier sometimes. All of that is to say that I can understand some of the uncertainty that you're going through.

I can understand to a certain extent just how scary it is not knowing so many things about the world, about other people, about friends that you hold so dear. And most scarily, about yourself. You don't know anything and everything that you're gonna turn out to be.

And it always feels like that image of yourself that you drew up when you were a little kid keeps slipping further and further away as you get older. But you know what? We don't have to break that image down.

We can always have it in our hearts, you know? Maybe something to work towards. But I think a better way of looking at things like that is as another side of us.

The dreamer side. The more perfect side. But also a side that, once we look closely, isn't all that we dreamed it to be.

Who's to say that you're not unhappier as the most amazing doctor slash supermodel in the entire world? Who's to say you're not stressed? Who's to say you don't have any friends? We're looking at that image and we're just looking at all the positives.

All the things that we don't have. The glitz, the glamour, the title, the fame, the money. But we're not looking at the full picture, ironically enough.

But you. The you right here, right now. The you that I'm holding.

The you that I'm touching. The you that I know I've spent so much time with. This one is real.

This one is the full picture. I understand your perfections. I understand your imperfections.

I understand what you like, what you don't like. I understand what makes you tick. I understand what makes you happy.

And nobody can say that about that little image the five-year-old you drew up in your head. This is the real you. And I chose to be with the real you.

Your friends chose to be with the real you. And maybe you didn't choose it. Maybe it was just a product of circumstances you couldn't change.

But this is the real you. And I treasure it every single moment. And I wake up so happy to be able to say that I know this person.

I've been with this person. And I will be with this person for the rest of my life. And if you respect and believe in me so much, then that should be saying something.

Because that's how I look at you. You know? It's okay.

It's alright. Just imagine we're stargazing in a beautiful hill far, far away in the middle of nowhere. We don't have our shoes on.

Our feet and legs are touching the grass as they dance along the evening breeze. And as you open your eyes, you can see the most beautiful sky you've ever seen. Not but a few billion stars shining on us, casting that familiar blue on our faces, casting that azure on my face, on yours.

And when you look up at me, a mellow shadow befalls my face. A mellow shadow befalls my face. Since when was I Shakespeare? Goodness.

Do you feel it? The waves touching your skin? Do you feel my hands holding you, caressing your face? You do? That's good.

I feel it too. I'm with you, right here, in this very moment. You feel the wind plant sweet little breezy kisses on our face.

That amazing cool running through our body. Let it see you bare. Let it see you open.

You'll be okay. I can promise you that. And if you aren't right now, then wouldn't it be so much easier if you had someone to be broken with?

If you had someone to be broken with? If you had someone to not be okay with? If you had someone that tried their darndest to understand what it is that's making you hurt? What it is that's making you cry? What it is that's making you have so many sleepless nights? I'll always be that person for you.

I can assure you that. And I know that you'll be that person for me too. Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in and breathe out. Don't worry about not doing something for me right now. You are doing absolutely the most that I could ever ask for.

You know what that is? Accepting yourself. Accepting the hardships.

And not letting it define you, but strengthen you. That's the most I could ever ask for. That's the most that anyone loves you could ever ask for.

Do you want me to keep rambling? Okay. Okay, I'll keep talking.

I'll lower myself so I can whisper to you all the things that you want to hear from me. You are an amazing person. You are someone that so many people look up to.

In ways that you would never believe. If you don't believe me, then I'm your number one counter-argument. Because I look up to you.

And I believe in you. More than you will ever know. There will come a time where so many more things will make sense to you.

So many more things will come to you. Some bad, but a lot good.