[F4A] Taking a Roadtrip

Transcript

Oh, hey. Hey. How long was I asleep for? Oh, that long? I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to fall asleep for that long. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I know. I know. I know.

You said I could sleep, but I, you know, I don't want you just to be completely on the road by yourself, you know? I'm here too to keep you company. Okay.

Me just being here is company enough. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Fine. Are you still okay to drive? Do you need to take a break? No? Okay.

Okay. That's fine. Sorry.

I'm just still trying to like wake myself up fully. Yeah. You know, I, um, you know, when I wake up, I'm just like, like still in that sleepy stage.

Yeah. What? No, no, no.

I don't have to, um, I don't have to stop now. I mean, well, I guess you would be the one stopping since you're driving, but, uh, no, I'm okay. I don't, I don't need to like use the restroom or, you know, take a rest break or anything.

Do you? Cause we can't like, you don't have to keep driving if you don't feel well. You're okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Um, so, um, you said, uh, I, uh, I know we, we talked about this, um, plenty, but you said your, all of your family would be there. Oh, okay.

Not all, but you know, quite a, quite a bit. Um, and your, um, your hometown friends as well. Childhood.

Yeah. Um, nothing, nothing. It's, um, I know I'm, I'm excited to meet everybody really.

Um, just based off the, you know, the conversations that I had with them while, you know, you're on the phone or you're FaceTiming them or I don't know, just all of it. They, they seem like such lovely people and I would assume so because you're such a lovely person, you know, it makes sense. It's nothing, nothing.

I'm, I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm nervous, excited.

Yeah. Um, that, um, nervous, excited. I'm nervously excited and I'm excitedly nervous.

Yeah. I don't know if that's actually a thing. I don't know.

Um, I'm really, I'm really excited to meet your family and friends and I am really happy that you want me to meet them. Well, yeah, yeah, I know. We've been, we've been together for quite a while and we are very, very serious and, you know, I just still, you know, this is your family and your friends and they mean so much to you.

I know. And I just, the fact that you want me to meet them, it just, it means a lot. Really? Yeah.

I feel really, uh, honored that you want me to meet them and I feel honored that they want to meet me. I just, um, if I can be honest. Yeah.

Yeah. I know. I know.

I can always be honest with you, but if we have space for complete honesty right now, do you have that right now or you do? Okay. Okay.

And I'm, I'm allowing you, you know, space to be honest and open with me too right now. So, the truth is, is I'm really scared. Yeah.

No, it's not. I want to meet them. I do.

I just, it's a bit scary to think about. It's such a big step and it's not about the commitment. It's not it's such a big step and it's not about the commitment.

It's not because I feel so committed to you. I feel so committed to us, to what we have, to what we will have, to everything about us, about you, about me and you. It's just, I feel so committed to that.

That's, I don't want you to think that that's where my hesitance is coming from because it's not. Where it's coming from is you and I, you know, we're kind of each other's person, right? You're my person, you know, and I know that I'm your person.

And and this is, I feel like, one of the first times that I've truly felt wanted and loved and appreciated by someone that I, that I care so much about. And I feel that from, you know, my family. I feel so loved by them and I feel that by my friends and, but I just, you're my person and I know that I'm yours.

And to know that and to feel it and to see it and to experience it is so special to me. It's so special, really. And I worry a bit because I just, I don't want, what if, what if they don't like me? What if they don't like me? What if they see me and they get to know me and they realize that the girl that they've seen over, over video, over video chat and over, over, and they've talked to on the phone, they've seen, you know, they messaged with and what if, what if they see that and they don't like me?

And I want them to like me. That's the same way that I want you to like me. And I know that you value their opinion and their feelings so much.

And I just worry that they won't like me. And, and if they don't like me, then I wonder what happens with us. No, no, I'm okay.

I'm okay. I just, I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to think that I didn't want to meet them because I do. It's just all of this, this with, this with you, this feeling, it's so it's so intense and it's so overwhelming and it's in the best way possible.

And I feel so connected with you and I just, I, you're my person. You really are. And it just, I, you're my person.

You really are. And it just, like when we met and we were kind of weird with each other, we weren't really sure how to act because we, it wasn't that we didn't like each other, but it was that it was, we were, we were, we were too connected off of like the jump, you know? It's like, I shouldn't, I just met this person.

I shouldn't know them so well, you know? And I, I felt like I'd known you for years, years, and we just met and that was scary in a way. It was overwhelming, but it was so exciting and it was so, it is so amazing to have that with someone, you know, you see about it and, you know, the movies and TV shows and you can even see it in other people, but to have it yourself, it's just, it's a lot it's a lot and it's a really beautiful thing.

So I just, I realized that and I was, I was kind of distant with you at first because we were so close right off the bat and I knew that you could tell because there was that whole thing where our friends, I guess we owe them a lot of thanks, but they, you know, kind of really pushed us together and they did it in a very not subtle way. I don't, I don't, yeah, yeah, yeah, they definitely thought that they were being subtle, but they weren't. Oh, you knew? I never knew that.

How did you, how did you know? How did you find out? Oh, okay, I see, I see.

Okay, so it was brought up to you. Okay, yeah. What did they, what did they ask? Okay, they asked if you had a crush on me.

Do they act the same? Along the lines, yeah. It was more or less of just flat out, like, do you want to be with this person? I'm like, whoa, okay, calm down.

It was, it was pretty funny though because, you know, like I said, when we met, we were, you know, it was, I think it was so obvious to everybody else, yeah, that we just hit it off immediately, which was a very new thing for me to meet someone and to instantly feel like that, you know, to have a connection with them like that and we still have that connection and I know we always will and that's, I really, I really enjoy that about us, you know, even in silence. I mean, I, I feel like I could sit in silence with you forever and I wouldn't ever, I would never hate it. I would never want it to change because being with you is enough.

I don't know, I can jabber on and on and on but just being with you is enough. So, it kind of just all goes back to, you know, us at the beginning and we were so nervous it's getting close. I was so nervous, I was so scared and I, I knew that you were nervous too because, well, you know, it's a new relationship, it's a new friendship, it's a new, it's a new, it's, it's all new and I felt so scared because I thought, what if this doesn't work?

Well, it's like, it's like that thing, what if I'm too much? What if I'm too little or what if I'm not enough or just all these thoughts running through my head? What if I talk too much? What if I don't talk enough? What if I'm too this or I'm too that or I'm not enough at this or I'm not enough at that and I just had all these thoughts running through my head over and over again and then when I was with you it just stopped.

I didn't feel it, I didn't feel those thoughts of not being enough or being too much and where I'd felt that with others, where I'd been told that I talked too much or that I was too quiet or that I was too caring or that I cared not enough or that I was apathetic or that all these things that I had people that didn't deserve my time or my energy tell me, I never felt that with you. When I was with you, when I'm with you, I don't feel that and I appreciate that so much, I really do. So it's scary for me.

It's still now, I get scared of what we have but I love it so much but it's scary because I know that you care about me and I know that I care about you and I hope that I can always show you how much I care about you and how much I love you. But sometimes I wonder, I don't want to lose you. Sometimes I wonder that I don't want to lose you.

Sometimes I wonder that, I wonder what would happen if I suddenly became too much or not enough. Yeah, no I know, I know, I know you'll, I know you'll tell me. I know you'll tell me if it's too much.

The same way that I'll tell you if it's too much, if I need space, if I need my boundaries respected. I know that, I know that I can tell you that and I hope that you always tell me that as well. But I just, it's scary to think about and your family and your friends, they mean a lot to you, I know.

And sometimes I just, I've been wondering over time, I know the day would come that we would, I would meet them and I got in my head about all these things that I'm not and these things that I am. It's like picking myself apart, I've been picking myself apart for weeks. Yeah, I didn't want to tell you about it because well, I didn't want you, I didn't want you to think that I I didn't want you to think that I was afraid of this, but I didn't tell you about it because I didn't want you to think that I was afraid of this, afraid of us, because I'm not.

I'm afraid that, I'm afraid that I'll be too much for you. I, I'm really afraid that I'll be too much and um, I don't want to be too much for you. I just, I just want to be yours.

I just want you to be mine. I just want us to be us. I want us to be together and I want us, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm not um, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm not um, no, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I am, I am, I am crying actually.

Sorry, it's um, it's just this, it's just, I don't want to be too much. I don't want to lose you and I just, I can't get this thought of what if they don't like me. I can't get it out of my head and I don't know if they will.

I desperately want them to because I want, I want, I want to show them how much I care about you, how much I love you, how much, just how much I, I want to be with you, how much I want to care for you and I want to take care of you and I want to do all these things and I want to, I want to hold your hand when you're feeling down and I want to cook you food when you're hungry and I want to do all these things for you. You know, I want to be your, your, your hand to hold, your shoulder to cry on and I, I want to be all these things. I just, I want to be with you and I don't ever want to not be with you.

I want us to always be together now and forever and so I just, I want them to like me. It's okay. You want to pull over? You don't have to, you don't have to do that.

It's okay, okay. You want, you want my hand? I'm okay, I promise.

I just, okay, okay. Here.