[F4A] Encounter with a Flirty Supervillain Pt. 1

Transcript

Right, security code is entered, all the camera footage is looping, and my night just got a whole lot easier. Guards are unconscious, we're locked in their office now, so all that stands between me and the payday for that jade statuette over there is a stroll along this hideously decorated hallway. It's almost too easy.

Invisible tripwires? I knew it, must've had them installed recently. Those blueprints I bought are out of date, probably have to speak to Fixer about a discount for that.

But for now, I need to focus on getting past them, not like it's gonna be difficult for a master thief like me. There, one jade statuette. Come to mama.

Oh boy, you are far more tantalizing up close. Should they keep you locked up in a stuffy museum, huh? Don't worry, I think you're going to be much happier home with me.

Someone that'll take care of you. Actually appreciate you. Worship you.

At least until I sell you. Hmm, although you are awfully pretty. I know I got hired to nab you, but maybe I don't do that.

I think you'd look awfully nice sitting on my bookshelf with all the rest of the artifacts I've- Oh, what the? Ah, hmm, hello there. I see we've had an eavesdropper, and a superhero no less.

You spooked me, I wasn't expecting company. Hmm, and such attractive company at that. Ha, yes, I can see you.

Perched up in the shadows, all dramatic-like. Why don't you come down here? I promise I don't bite.

Much, anyway. Come here, let's chat. You're already crashing the party, might as well socialize a bit.

And I always like to see who I'm talking to. Just watch where you land, the tripwires are still active after all. I'd hate to have our talk interrupted by some alarm bells ringing.

Good, glad to see you're polite. How long have you been up there watching me? In fact, how do you even know I was here? I was being pretty sneaky.

None of the guards knew what hit them until they were unconscious, so how'd you find me? You saw me entering the building. Why, I did that from the rooftop.

You must have been awfully high to notice a thing like that. Can you fly, perhaps? You're not wearing a cape, the flying ones usually do.

What? Swinging? Like, from a vine? Like Tarzan? Oh, interesting.

Hang on, I think I've heard of you. Aren't you the new super that's been showing up recently? The one that everyone hates and can't ever seem to catch a break? I'm such a big fan.

Gosh. The media certainly loves having a go at you, don't they? If they're not accusing you of being a criminal one minute, they're saying you're causing too much collateral damage the next.

Not that the other superheroes don't cause way more problems than you, but I guess that's besides the point, isn't it? You're not a member of any teams, and I suppose people need someone to blame for their problems, don't they? It must be really hard.

Living your life, I mean. Oh yes, I know a fair amount about you. The shadows just threw me off for a second.

I always try to keep an eye on the supers in whatever city I'm currently operating in, but I've kept a much closer one on you. There's something… a little different about you compared to the other heroes. Something that helps you stand out.

The costume, for one. I love it. The colors.

The logo. The… tightness. Must be awfully hot in there.

But I suppose the style is worth it. In fact, once I'm out of here, I might have to ask my tailor to make me my own copy. You're okay with cosplays, right? Not like you have much choice in the matter anyway.

I'm inspired. What do you mean I won't be getting out of here? Arrest me? You're going to arrest me now? You're going to arrest moi? Like I haven't heard that before.

You're not the first superhero I've met, you know. Though you are the first that hasn't just started throwing punches as soon as they saw me, so I thank you for that. Nice to see you've got a brain behind that mask.

Some of those heroes are so thick-headed. They think just because I'm well-known and wearing a costume that I want to fight. Most of the time.

Actually, all the time, I don't. I'm a pacifist at heart, if you can believe it. My name, well, my codenames shroud.

We're not close enough for real names yet, but it's lovely to meet you. Oh yes, I have quite the reputation. Shame you haven't heard of me.

One would think a hero such as yourself would keep their ear closer to the ground. But then again, I suppose that's hard when you're swinging through the sky, saving the city every other Tuesday. I'm a supervillain, if you can tell.

But not one of those evil ones. I'm not affiliated with Baron Blitz or his assembly of awful lunatics or anything, so don't worry about that. Just like you're not affiliated with the Heroes Guild, correct? Right, I thought so.

You've got way too much class for that group. Ain't that funny, though, that you and I met like that? Just a couple of outsiders, neither of us fitting in with our respective cliques.

You want to, though, don't you? Fit in, I mean. Why else would you be doing this? Hmm.

Seems like nowadays most of the so-called superheroes are just doing this for money, or fame, or movie deals. Can't say I really blame them. A friend of mine, Shockwave, turned hero a while ago.

Joined the Guild after a whole kerfuffle. They've been doing quite well. Far better than when they were a villain, but it's not for me to judge.

Me, though? I'm fine where I am. On my own.

Doing my own thing. And robbing museums. Speaking of which, I know we're having quite the engaging conversation, my friend.

But I think we're about to. Oh, yes. Now you remember.

Sorry for distracting you. You're here to arrest me. To prove yourself to the Heroes Guild, one criminal at a time, and one day join their ranks, correct?

No? Ah, good. I was hoping you were going to let me go.

After all, I'm not as bad as some of those other villains you fought, am I? Not as nasty, or vile, or murderous. Oh, so you are planning on arresting me.

But you're not doing it because you want to join the Guild. I see. Thanks for the clarity, and not throwing punches.

Very kind of you. Some of the heroes would take any opportunity they can to take out one such as I, even though I'm not even remotely threatening. Glad to see you're not one of them.

So go ahead, slap the handcuffs on me. I'll give you no trouble. I know when I'm caught.

You don't carry handcuffs. Well, however do you apprehend villains, my masked friend? Knock them unconscious.

My, my, my. How surprisingly savage of you. And here I thought I was speaking with a kind-hearted soul.

You're not going to hurt me, are you? I know I talk a big game, but I really am quite fragile. I don't possess superpowers like yourself, see? Everything I do is based on experience and skill.

I wasn't always as competent, I'll have you know. Oh, good. I don't think I'd survive a blow from one of your super-powered fists.

Why the muscles, you somehow fit into that suit. Sorry, I'm getting distracted, which is certainly very easy when I'm in your vicinity, darling. But what's the plan then? You have nothing to apprehend me with, and you don't seem the type to attack someone who's not threatening you.

Do we just wait for the police? Oh yes, I forgot. Hmm, they have a reward out for your capture, don't they? Terrible shame.

I bet that doesn't help your escapades much, does it? I suppose we could leave a few minutes before they arrive, but then there's the risk I'll escape, isn't there? Hmm, what to do, what to do.

I don't suppose you could just let me go, could you? After all, it'd be oh so terrible for someone as charming and friendly as me to wind up in prison, wouldn't it? No? Hmm, well in that case then, my friend, I think we're at an impasse.

Yes, there's only one option indeed. I'll push you. I'll push you into those tripwires we discussed.

Then I'll grapple out of here and you can take the blame. Sorry to disappoint you, my friend. I certainly was enjoying our conversation, but I have bills to pay and- Hey, what are you- The statue?

Give it back. Why, you cheeky- Ugh, well played. Tell you what, let's call it even, shall we? I escape, you keep the statue.

Deal? No deal. Well in that case, I'll just have to close this window and lock you inside.

How about that? Oh, there's not a doubt in my mind you can't escape from there before the police arrive, darling. I wouldn't have locked you in there if I thought you couldn't.

But I'll give you a head start, even if only a few seconds. But that's all I'll really need. But don't think I'm happy.

You made me fail my mission, darling. That's the first time something like that's happened, and I promise it won't happen again, ever. But for now, I'm content to call it even.

So, see you around, and remember, the next time we meet, I'll be far less gentle. Bye.